Directions

*Pour yourself a glass or four.

*Type ONE ANSWER per comment.

*Write the number, type of word, and your word (i.e. #1 Noun: labia).

*Make it DIRTY.

*Make it CRUDE.

*Make it Twilight-related. (semi-optional)

*Make one of the words “taint." It's a must. The word "taint" is funny ALL THE TIME.

*Oh yeah, I know we'll be a tad bit tipsy, but try to read the other comments,
so we know what number we're on and don't have any repeats.

-Mox

Friday, December 10, 2010

A DML Christmas Miracle

I bet you are wondering what the DML Christmas Miracle is. It's the fact that I got this all pulled together in time. That is a complete miracle! I really hope you like what Edward and I have planned for you. It should be fun.

And as an extra treat I bring you a Christmas Jumping Rob photo:


It looks like Santa made Rob his bitch. Ah, he's so lucky!!

On with the show!

1. Verb ending in ing
2. Strange Animal
3. Verb past tense
4. Noun
5. Adjective
6. Plural Noun
7. Verb past tense
8. Verb past tense
9. Adjective
10 Adjective
11. Verb past tense
12. Verb
13. Verb
14. Verb
15. Adjective
16. Exclamation
17. Exclamation
18. Exclamation
19. Adjective
20. Adjective
21. Noun
22. Adjective
23. Verb
24. Adverb
25. Noun
26. Noun
27. Adjective
28. Adjective
29. Adjective
30. Adjective
31. Verb past tense
32. Exclamation
33. Adjective
34. Verb
35. Adjective
36. Noun

Bella's Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a vampire was slip sliding, not even a Red-assed orangutan;

Bella was flogged by the titanium shaft with care,

In hopes that Victoria Soon wouldn’t be there;

Bella and the Weremunk were puffy all snug in there beds,

While visions of meat curtains fucked in their heads;



When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

They sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.

Away to the door they snogged like a flash,

They spotted Victoria and wanted to turn her to ash.


Bella and Jacob were stupid with fear,

When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,

But a tainty lunch box, and eight tiny plastic vampires,


Victoria was angry, she guzzled with a shout,

She wanted to screw the eight vampires and twinkle them all out.

The Edwards went after the vamp with the red mane,

But she dodged their attack and called out their names,



Oh Edward, oh Cullen, oh Masen and Eddie!

Oh Newdward, oh Ed, Oh Anthony and EC!

Try as you may, you’ll never swallow me!

They ran and they chased with slimy fury.

She wouldn’t get away, they all had to hurry!

Around the house they ran shouting and ranting,

Bullshit!, Pussy! , and this is no time for dancing!”



After an hour they gave up their search,

Vickie got away, she was probably at church.
(Because you know, it’s Christmas. She probably went to the candle light service)

Back to the human and Weremunk the Edwards went

All were upset at how Christmas was spent.



Bella cried Rob! Marry me! and Jacob tried to smack her,

Edward tried to think of way to make her ….well….just shut up.

The Edwards were fuckworthy, they would save the day,

They would get a hairy gonad and find games to play,

Then they found a confused tree and stockings to show,

That Christmas would still vigorously stroke and definitely not blow.



They begrudgingly put up the tree and decided what to put on it,

They wanted a baby Jesus, a bitch, and big delicious bonnet.


“Wait I don’t want that!” Edward yelled. “That won’t work!”

Masen replied “Don’t be so negative you nasty throbbing jerk!”

With that they started a vampire rumble,

The fighting got messed up, it caused Bella to stumble.



Against the wall she hit her head,

“Oh why?” they cried “Why didn’t she end up dead?”

Then Victoria came back to answer their cries,

This time would be their final goodbye.


Victoria hornswaggled as she said “Don’t worry, I’ll take her.”

And the Edwards shouted You better hold on tight spider monkey, Vickie’s our savior!”

The Edwards gathered ‘round the tree along with the filthy Weremunk,

Cullen suggested “It’s the holidays. We should get drunk!”
(Then they remembered they were vampires and can’t do that.)



But they wouldn’t let anything ruin their fun,

Even though the evening was almost done.

The Edwards all jizz you and want to say it right,

Merry Christmas to all and to all an engorged member.


211 comments:

1 – 200 of 211   Newer›   Newest»
mmMoxie said...

#1 slip sliding

Mama Cougar said...

#2 - Red-assed orangutan

Twired Jen said...

HI!!!!!!
#1 LICKING...lick lick ;)

Living with Edward said...

Wow, you ladies got here fast! Welcome!

Pocket Edward said...

#1 Sucking

Twired Jen said...

OMG I always forget "the rules." If you have done 1 and see someone has done 2, you have to skip to 3 right? You don't put a 2 too.. right?

mmMoxie said...

I like my DMLs like I like my men.........LONG

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

Hey all!

#1 Pounding.

That's right, start as I mean to go on.

Demanda said...

@lwe - LOVE the jumping Rob photo

Mama Cougar said...

#4 - titanium shaft

Twired Jen said...

#3. Flogged ;)

Jaymes805 said...

4. cum bucket

Living with Edward said...

@Jen, yes go in order. We pick the first one for each number, unless we use hostess rights if we like another word, but that is rare.

Mama Cougar said...

JFKeerist, I'm taking this way too seriously, aren't I?!?

fanficzombie said...

Ok--lets see how rusty I am

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

#4 taint

Thought we best get it out of the way...

Twired Jen said...

woah, jumpin' the gun there MC ;)

mmMoxie said...

#5 puffy

fanficzombie said...

wow -- that was embarrasing -- took me three tries to get my user name and password right -- I must be lubed up right

17foreverlisa said...

What the hell? How did you hos get so many in already.

Hey, Mox! Where the fuck have you been?

Mama Cougar in the house!

Hi, LwE & Edward!

Twired Jen said...

LWE- thx..I know we go in order but if someone does 3 and I haven't I skip to 4 right?

17foreverlisa said...

What the hell? How did you hos get so many in already.

Hey, Mox! Where the fuck have you been?

Mama Cougar in the house!

Hi, LwE & Edward!

Mama Cougar said...

#6 - meat curtains

Twired Jen said...

6. bewbies!

Pocket Edward said...

7. fucked

Living with Edward said...

@MC: you are doing great! keep em coming. She said that.

mmMoxie said...

Hi Lisa. I have no excuse. I'm a lazy twat.

Twired Jen said...

hai LISA!

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

#6 slapped

MC- lovely visual, thanks

Demanda said...

LOL @MC #6!!!!

Mama Cougar said...

DAMN SKIPPY BITCH!!

PS.
I fucking miss you sew hard.

fanficzombie said...

PE had my # 7 fucked -- nice!!!

Living with Edward said...

@Jen: yes

Twired Jen said...

8. Snogged

Twired Jen said...

LWE: Thx, blonde strikes again ;)

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

How are all my lovely ladies this afternoon/evening?

Well lubricated, I hope...

#8 transformed

Pocket Edward said...

9. stupid

mmMoxie said...

#9 tainty

mmMoxie said...

#10 tainty

fanficzombie said...

10 -- shaved

Twired Jen said...

OMG Elizabeth Smart on CNN wearing a dress that looks almost exactly like Bella's Birthday dress!

Jaymes805 said...

11. guzzled

mmMoxie said...

Hi FFZ!

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

#12 Screw

Mama Cougar said...

#12 fellate

fanficzombie said...

fucking seriously?? I am trying to play and Mr. Z wants me to check out the nativity scene he just set up...this is all kinds of wrong

Twired Jen said...

11. lubricated

Pocket Edward said...

11--shat

Twired Jen said...

fanficzombie- LMAO!

fanficzombie said...

@ MOx --- hey girl -- it has been so long I feel like I am getting my cherry popped all over again

Twired Jen said...

12. pulsate

Pocket Edward said...

14. swallow

LCM174Ev said...

#17 Exclamation PUSSY!

mmMoxie said...

LOL FFZ - I hope it doesn't bleed too much......um sorry. THat was out of line. I'm tipsy.

17foreverlisa said...

Hi all! I am trying to type on my son's laptop because I'm a sad sack and icing my back. I suck on a laptop. Mama Cougar saw me typing on hers last week.

Mox, you never write. You never call...

ffzombie, long time no see!

IHFifty, what time is it there?

Jen, I can't believe you didn't look for that poster today.

No idea what number we're on btw.

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

#13 twinkle

Twired Jen said...

LOL LCM174Ev...gotta go in order! ;)

mmMoxie said...

what number are we on? I'm lost

LCM174EV said...

#19 Adjective: Moist

Twired Jen said...

Lisa- I didn't know which store you'd been to until after I got back and saw the email...forgot my phone in the office. Boo hiss.

Pocket Edward said...

18-holy shitballs!

Mama Cougar said...

#18 Holy Skankzilla!!

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

@Lisa - it's 3.40pm. I'm drinking to make myself feel better - hayfever is REAL bad. Hiding from the sunshine inside, I feel like a sparkly vampire (she said that)

Jaymes805 said...

me too. Im drunk from exhaustion.

mmMoxie said...

seriously. what # are we on?

Twired Jen said...

18 "ROB! Marry me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jaymes805 said...

19. fuckworthy

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

#17 Well, spank my arse and call me Charlie!

Pocket Edward said...

20. Hairy

Jaymes805 said...

Lisa what happened to your back?!?!?

17foreverlisa said...

Hey! LCM174Ev took my #. Edward, where is your human? I need a ruling on the field.

mmMoxie said...

#21 gonad

Living with Edward said...

Holy moly! I think some were skipped. A lot of out of order and I can't keep up!

Twired Jen said...

PEOPLE: hit F5 to refresh fast so you can see what # we're on!

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

This is the longest DML I've ever seen. No wonder we're lost already...

fanficzombie said...

Dang -- did you make this one longer to just confuse us more?

Mama Cougar said...

#21 burgeoning clitoris

(I may or may not aspire to this state of being in about 45 minutes - just sayin')

Pocket Edward said...

21. Piehole

mmMoxie said...

@jen - that would work if we were going in order. I feel all kinds of lost :'(

Somebody hold me

Twired Jen said...

I say start from 18, this went way out of order thanks to certain ppl. Yeah, I'm pms-ing, get over it.

(NOT YOU MC ;)

Living with Edward said...

Hold up. I need a 15 and 16.

Twired Jen said...

MC- PMSL!!!!!!!! Oh lord you kill me.

fanficzombie said...

22 - CONFUSED

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

Good call Jen.

#18 No dogs allowed!!

fanficzombie said...

seemed appropriate

Twired Jen said...

15. slimy

17foreverlisa said...

I had a long week at work. A couple got let go due to a downsizing. Extra work and stress. When I get too stressed, my back tightens up. Had a back spasm this afternoon, which sucked. I'm self-medicated right now and feeling a little better ;)

Twired Jen said...

EVERYBODY STOP and figure out where we are...

Mama Cougar said...

Jen - best thing for PMS'ing is a good orgasm. Where's your rabbit? Go TCoB baby. (wink)

MC

Twired Jen said...

TCoB???

17foreverlisa said...

#16 Bullshit!

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

FFZ - I hear that!

lcm174ev said...

totally my fault, sorry, I got confused!

mmMoxie said...

I"m gonna drink this entire bottle of wine before the game is over.

Can we start backwards from #36?

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

Jen - Take care of business?

Twired Jen said...

lcm174ev- NO WORRIES. I'm confused all the time. Just ask any of the girls.

Mama Cougar said...

#15 shimmering

There. Better?

Porphyrias_Curse said...

Ack, I know I'm like 2 months late but I'm here!!!! are we still going?

Jaymes805 said...

@lisa aww! Sorry sweets, hope it gets better soon! It's too bad you don't live closer, i have HORRIBLE back probs but luckily have a friend who's an awesome chiro.

mmMoxie said...

LOL - Jen is gonna take her earrings off and slap somebody

Twired Jen said...

I_heart_Fifty- Oh, Duh!

Living with Edward said...

Thanks for 15 and 16 ladies!

Ok, for 17 and 18 there were a lot of entries so I'm assuming hostess rights and picking the ones I like best!

fanficzombie said...

@ MC -- PMSL!!!

Twired Jen said...

@Mox- Ok I just seriously LOL'd at that statement. FO SHO GIRRRRRRL. Imma bout to get fo reallllz up in this shizzzz.

Twired Jen said...

19. wet

Mama Cougar said...

#23 vigorously stroking

(Again...45 minutes from now....mebbe.)

mmMoxie said...

@Jen - I'll hold your purse for you gurl

fanficzombie said...

wingardium leviousa -- there-- just fit that in wherever -- FFUUUCCCKKK

17foreverlisa said...

Where's Mrs. P and DD? I know that SV has been sick.

And for the record? It's great seeing so many of you here tonight.

Twired Jen said...

MC- PMSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

Jen has her claws out!

tee hee hee...

#20 moist

mmMoxie said...

#24 begrudgingly

Porphyrias_Curse said...

21) fuckstick

Twired Jen said...

@Mox- thanks gurrrrrrl. I aint gonna take no shit no mo.

mmMoxie said...

@Lisa - Mrs. P is probably enjoying her fancy "pen". buzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mama Cougar said...

Shit....I am totally fucking this up. Imma sit back & let the pros show me how it's done.

Premature MadLibulation. I has it.

17foreverlisa said...

Definitely hostess rights, LwE, although LCM174Ev had the first #17. I have a soft spot for her with her blogger name :)

fanficzombie said...

#25 baby jesus (in honor of our nativity fuckery over here tonight-- FML)

Pocket Edward said...

26 Bitch

Living with Edward said...

Now we are doing much better! I feel like I can breath now. LOL

mmMoxie said...

@FFZ blasphemer! I like it ;)

fanficzombie said...

Twired Jen is wishing she had that pen right now.

Twired Jen said...

27. delicious!

fanficzombie said...

@ Mox -- you know it.

mmMoxie said...

I have a feeling Twired Jen has her own collection of "pens"

Twired Jen said...

Geeez, I really can't stand when things get out of order...LWE, I feel the same.

Pocket Edward said...

28 Nasty

LCM174EVR said...

28: adjective throbbing

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

28 juicy

Sorry ladies, keep having to blow my nose. FML with summertime illness ;(

Twired Jen said...

@mmMox @fanfic- I don't own any toys..swear to baby jeezus. I used to have a purple dildo but threw it away when I moved in with my s/o...bad move!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

29) throbbing

mmMoxie said...

#29 messed up

fanficzombie said...

#29 -- chafed

mmMoxie said...

#30 messed up

fanficzombie said...

#30 chafed then

17foreverlisa said...

Hi, PC!

IHFifty - I saw on twitter that you were mowing and that your hayfever was acting up. Bummer.

My son just got home from work and he wants to know when I'll be done with his computer. *sigh*

Twired Jen said...

29. Christmasy

fanficzombie said...

DAMNIT

mmMoxie said...

@Jen - my exhusband wouldn't allow me to have one. I bought one the day I moved out.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

Hi Lisa :)
31) past tense - hornswaggled

Jaymes805 said...

32. You better hold on tight spider monkey!

Pocket Edward said...

32-get the fuck out!

mmMoxie said...

LOL FFZ - looks like it's going to be a fight to the death between us

Living with Edward said...

Looks like we have some great minds thinking alike tonight.

mmMoxie said...

#33 filthy

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

Thanks Lisa.

@Jen - YOU THREW AWAY A VIBRATOR? Are you kerrazy? OR have I just been single for WAAAAAAY too long?

#31 masticated

Twired Jen said...

33. sparkly

fanficzombie said...

@ Mox -- WTF?? My husband is constantly getting us new toys. No wonder he's an ex!!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

I threw away a vibrator this week...but that's cause I broke it...

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

#32 I carried a watermelon!

17foreverlisa said...

#34 jizz(ed)

mmMoxie said...

No shit right? He said, and I quote "I don't want to compete with a machine."

Porphyrias_Curse said...

@IHeart50..LMAO... I lurrve that movie

fanficzombie said...

@ PC -- that is right...that is the only time I have ever thrown one out -- you go girl

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

#34 slurped

PC - hehehe, me too.

LCM174EVR said...

36: member

Porphyrias_Curse said...

lol @FFZ you know I went to the local "adult bookstore" lastnight and replaced it.

fanficzombie said...

Well -- there is that -- because You know I love Mr. Z -- but there really is no competition LOL!! ;p

mmMoxie said...

This wine is making me burp

Twired Jen said...

@Mox- That's lame. Don't think my s/o even knew I had one...I wouldn't mind one now ;)

17foreverlisa said...

IHeartFifty - I carried a watermelon! LOL!! Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

I'm exhausted!

Twired Jen said...

@ffz, yah sometimes I just want to do it myself...

mmMoxie said...

are we done?

LCM174EVR said...

oops sorry out of order again, I swear I will do better next time! I get excited!!

fanficzombie said...

Well -- you know -- sometimes we are on a freakin schedule and have other shit to do, right??? ;p~~

17foreverlisa said...

LCM17REVR - No need to apologize. We screw this up every week. It's part of the charm ;)

mmMoxie said...

The more you drink, the slower you are LCM174EVR.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

I need a drink or three..

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

I love that I'm often the only sober one here (mid afternoon and all) yet I am as confused as everyone else!

mmMoxie said...

So....um....LWE? Are we done?

Jaymes805 said...

haha "we" don't screw it up. thats Demanda and 17foreverlisa's jobs :) kiddddding!!!!!

17foreverlisa said...

See what I mean? I even screwed up your blogger name. LOL!

Twired Jen said...

Hi PC!

Lisa, I love you. That is all.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

don't feel bad I<350..I'm sober too, just wish I wasnt lol

Porphyrias_Curse said...

HI TJ :)

fanficzombie said...

I VOTE YES -- not that I know what I am talking about or anything

LCM174EVR said...

35: engorged

mmMoxie said...

I am, without a doubt, not sober.

Twired Jen said...

Amanda-tweeted u back. ;) I need a downtown night..but I also like local bars, walking distance. Maybe late Jan or Feb?!?

17foreverlisa said...

You got that right, Demanda ;) Mike Newton anyone?

Twired Jen said...

LCM- LOVE IT..."engorged."

Twired Jen said...

I love you laaaadies. Going to see Amanda soon (maaaybe) and Lisa next Fall for BD camping! AND I_hear_Fifty..cough..Amy in the Summer! Woooooo!

LCM174EVR said...

Thanks!

Twired Jen said...

yeah! record heat is coming just in time for bloody mary sunday!

17foreverlisa said...

Two glasses of wine and a muscle relaxer. Yep. I'm ready for bed. *yawns*

mmMoxie said...

I'll be in Forks the end of July. Just sayin'

Porphyrias_Curse said...

ooo..if anyone's going Rob stalking let me come...now that my soon to be wasband left me for a WHORE there is absolutely no reason I shouldnt indulge in my robmanticizing lol

Living with Edward said...

Sorry for disappearing, I was in copy and paste mode. Should be done in a few minutes. I hope!

17foreverlisa said...

Can't wait, Jen!!

Amy, did you fins out when/where you'll be in the States?!

Twired Jen said...

Lisa- why did sue say June..comic cone isn't until July or Aug..and BD is NOV.???

Porphyrias_Curse said...

lol..LWE I now have images of mini E getting stuck in a can of paste....

LCM174EVR said...

I am all for BD camping! But I want to encourage another FOOORKS trip. . . some of us are finally ready to go!

17foreverlisa said...

Shit. That was *find (not fins). I hate fucking fins. Gah!

LwE, how are you holding up sweetie? How's Edward?

Porphyrias_Curse said...

ok..im about to find out what pineapple rum tastes like with sobe...wish me luck

LCM174EVR said...

Watching Scott Pilgrim, love it!

17foreverlisa said...

LCM174EVR - There's definitely going to be another Forks trip planned through Twitarded. It's just a matter of setting the date. Not sure if I'll be able to swing that again because I'm going to California at least once for the BD premiere (and maybe twice if I can swing Comic-Con).

Porphyrias_Curse said...

I'm using some of my tax return $ for th eBD premier in LA...I really really wanna do the WFE premier too

Jaymes805 said...

Ha I noticed at the top of the blog it has "labia" as an example word. One time me and Demanda were singing an opera song about labia's outside her ex bf's house and the neighbors were having a bible study on their porch. We looked over and they were all staring at us. Totes not awkward at all.

LCM174EVR said...

We need to create a calender of events and who is going so losers like me can figure out what is happening when!

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