I bet you are wondering what the DML Christmas Miracle is. It's the fact that I got this all pulled together in time. That is a complete miracle! I really hope you like what Edward and I have planned for you. It should be fun.
And as an extra treat I bring you a Christmas Jumping Rob photo:
It looks like Santa made Rob his bitch. Ah, he's so lucky!!
On with the show!
1. Verb ending in ing
2. Strange Animal
3. Verb past tense
6. Plural Noun
7. Verb past tense
8. Verb past tense
11. Verb past tense
31. Verb past tense
Bella's Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a vampire was slip sliding, not even a Red-assed orangutan;
Bella was flogged by the titanium shaft with care,
In hopes that Victoria Soon wouldn’t be there;
Bella and the Weremunk were puffy all snug in there beds,
While visions of meat curtains fucked in their heads;
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.
Away to the door they snogged like a flash,
They spotted Victoria and wanted to turn her to ash.
Bella and Jacob were stupid with fear,
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a tainty lunch box, and eight tiny plastic vampires,
Victoria was angry, she guzzled with a shout,
She wanted to screw the eight vampires and twinkle them all out.
The Edwards went after the vamp with the red mane,
But she dodged their attack and called out their names,
Oh Edward, oh Cullen, oh Masen and Eddie!
Oh Newdward, oh Ed, Oh Anthony and EC!
Try as you may, you’ll never swallow me!
They ran and they chased with slimy fury.
She wouldn’t get away, they all had to hurry!
Around the house they ran shouting and ranting,
“Bullshit!, Pussy! , and this is no time for dancing!”
After an hour they gave up their search,
Vickie got away, she was probably at church.
(Because you know, it’s Christmas. She probably went to the candle light service)
Back to the human and Weremunk the Edwards went
All were upset at how Christmas was spent.
Bella cried Rob! Marry me! and Jacob tried to smack her,
Edward tried to think of way to make her ….well….just shut up.
The Edwards were fuckworthy, they would save the day,
They would get a hairy gonad and find games to play,
Then they found a confused tree and stockings to show,
That Christmas would still vigorously stroke and definitely not blow.
They begrudgingly put up the tree and decided what to put on it,
They wanted a baby Jesus, a bitch, and big delicious bonnet.
“Wait I don’t want that!” Edward yelled. “That won’t work!”
Masen replied “Don’t be so negative you nasty throbbing jerk!”
With that they started a vampire rumble,
The fighting got messed up, it caused Bella to stumble.
Against the wall she hit her head,
“Oh why?” they cried “Why didn’t she end up dead?”
Then Victoria came back to answer their cries,
This time would be their final goodbye.
Victoria hornswaggled as she said “Don’t worry, I’ll take her.”
And the Edwards shouted “You better hold on tight spider monkey, Vickie’s our savior!”
The Edwards gathered ‘round the tree along with the filthy Weremunk,
Cullen suggested “It’s the holidays. We should get drunk!”
(Then they remembered they were vampires and can’t do that.)
But they wouldn’t let anything ruin their fun,
Even though the evening was almost done.
The Edwards all jizz you and want to say it right,
Merry Christmas to all and to all an engorged member.