It's Friday, ladies!! I'm sure you are all happy about that. I know, I'm usually pretty bogged down by Friday and can use an emotional pick me up. So I provide you with some great Chinese funnies. These kinda go with tonight's DML theme. Enjoy, and see you in the comments!
1. Verb ending in ing
3. Plural Noun
6. Verb ending in ed
13. Verb ending in ed
15. Verb ending in ing
17. Plural Noun
18. Plural Noun
19. Part of the body
21. Insulting Term
23. Insulting Term
26. Plural Noun
27. Verb ending in ed
28. Plural Noun
36. Verb ending in ing
Tonight Edward, EC, and Newdward were hanging out together. They were very bored.
“What do you guys want to do?”
“We could try swallowing submissive farts.”
“No, we did that yesterday. Remember it was really benevolent?”
“We could clean.”
“Nah. Not in the mood.”
After having a long day at work, I decided I could give them something to do. So I suggested that they order me Chinese food and can then serve it. I may as well benefit from their boredom somehow.
“Yes, hi. I would like to order my human some food. I’ll take the sesame tainted chicken with a side of beanie fried rice. Also the peppered penis with the long Lo Mein. And I have a question. Is the sweet and spoogy chicken solemnly cooked or do you thrust it? ……….. Ok, I see. Then I’ll take the spurted dumplings.”
Then the Edwards waited around for the food to be delivered. Edward got a shock when he saw who had a new job as the Chinese food delivery ….uh…..person? I don’t know what to call him.
“Wow, I didn’t know you delivered Chinese food. You’re not even Asian…………Native American is not a kind of Asian………Yes, I’m sure. And why do you have an acorn?………No, acorns are not Chinese food……….No not even if you put soy sauce on it…….I don’t think you are qualified for this job……..You want a tip? Alright. Don’t pinch while gyrating huge The Beatles. There, now that is a tip.”
After Jacob left, the Edwards carried the food to where they were going to serve it.
Apparently it was dinner in bed to be accompanied by some Glee on Hulu with the laptop. I won’t complain.
The Edwards then served the food onto plates for us. It was very nice.
“This is so gross. It smells like family jewels. And not the good kind.”
“I know. I don’t know how they can stand it. They must have strong jaws.”
“Either that, or they are just really good with stiff things.”
“Hey Edward. What do you have there?”
“I think it’s blood on a stick! Mine, I call it!”
“No way, you twat waffle! You have to share! There’s plenty there!"
“Fine. But if I’m a twat waffle, then you’re a twitchy fudge knuckle.”
So the boys went to town on what they thought was blood on a stick.
They were very upset when they learned that it was just some Teriyaki chicken…..on a stick.
Since the Edwards were so helpful tonight, and bummed about blood on a stick not being real, I thought that I would let them have some fun and gave them the fortune cookies to play with.
“Look what LwE gave me!”
“Don’t tell me you believe those things?”
“Come on, it’s just for fun.”
“Yeah, Newdward. Just open yours and tell us what it says.”
“Ok, let’s see. It says “Life can be erotic. Always be prepared with scintillating foreskins. Then you will never get pierced by the dingleberries.” What a bunch of crap. This is so not true. EC, what does yours say?”
“Mine says “Your ability to fornicate during saucy situations makes you raw to those around you. You are an Amishward's hat to us all”.
“Um, “You will soon hump upon an orgasmic fig plucker. True love awaits you in the form of a boffing Lo Mein.”
“Now that I can see as being true.”
“Son of a bitch.”