Directions

*Pour yourself a glass or four.

*Type ONE ANSWER per comment.

*Write the number, type of word, and your word (i.e. #1 Noun: labia).

*Make it DIRTY.

*Make it CRUDE.

*Make it Twilight-related. (semi-optional)

*Make one of the words “taint." It's a must. The word "taint" is funny ALL THE TIME.

*Oh yeah, I know we'll be a tad bit tipsy, but try to read the other comments,
so we know what number we're on and don't have any repeats.

-Mox

Friday, February 25, 2011

Lost In Translation

It's Friday, ladies!! I'm sure you are all happy about that. I know, I'm usually pretty bogged down by Friday and can use an emotional pick me up. So I provide you with some great Chinese funnies. These kinda go with tonight's DML theme. Enjoy, and see you in the comments!










1. Verb ending in ing
2. Adjective
3. Plural Noun
4. Adjective
5. Verb
6. Verb ending in ed
7. Noun
8. Noun
9. Adjective
10. Adjective
11. Adverb
12. Verb
13. Verb ending in ed
14. Verb
15. Verb ending in ing
16. Adjective
17. Plural Noun
18. Plural Noun
19. Part of the body
20. Adjective
21. Insulting Term
22. Adjective
23. Insulting Term
24. Adjective
25. Adjective
26. Plural Noun
27. Verb ending in ed
28. Plural Noun
29. Verb
30. Adjective
31. Adjective
32. Noun
33. Verb
34. Adjective
35. Noun
36. Verb ending in ing
37. Noun


Edward: Blue
EC: Green
Newdward: Red

Tonight Edward, EC, and Newdward were hanging out together. They were very bored.



“What do you guys want to do?”
“We could try swallowing submissive farts.”
“No, we did that yesterday. Remember it was really benevolent?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“We could clean.”
“Nah. Not in the mood.”

After having a long day at work, I decided I could give them something to do. So I suggested that they order me Chinese food and can then serve it. I may as well benefit from their boredom somehow.




“Yes, hi. I would like to order my human some food. I’ll take the sesame tainted chicken with a side of beanie fried rice. Also the peppered penis with the long Lo Mein. And I have a question. Is the sweet and spoogy chicken solemnly cooked or do you thrust it? ……….. Ok, I see. Then I’ll take the spurted dumplings.”

Then the Edwards waited around for the food to be delivered. Edward got a shock when he saw who had a new job as the Chinese food delivery ….uh…..person? I don’t know what to call him.




“Jacob?!”

“Squeak!”
“Wow, I didn’t know you delivered Chinese food. You’re not even Asian…………Native American is not a kind of Asian………Yes, I’m sure. And why do you have an acorn?………No, acorns are not Chinese food……….No not even if you put soy sauce on it…….I don’t think you are qualified for this job……..You want a tip? Alright. Don’t pinch while gyrating huge The Beatles. There, now that is a tip.”

After Jacob left, the Edwards carried the food to where they were going to serve it.




Apparently it was dinner in bed to be accompanied by some Glee on Hulu with the laptop. I won’t complain.

The Edwards then served the food onto plates for us. It was very nice.

“This is so gross. It smells like family jewels. And not the good kind.”
“I know. I don’t know how they can stand it. They must have strong jaws.”
“Either that, or they are just really good with stiff things.”
“Hey Edward. What do you have there?”



“I think it’s blood on a stick! Mine, I call it!”
“No way, you twat waffle! You have to share! There’s plenty there!"
“Fine. But if I’m a twat waffle, then you’re a twitchy fudge knuckle.”
“Whatever. Gimme!”

So the boys went to town on what they thought was blood on a stick.
 

They were very upset when they learned that it was just some Teriyaki chicken…..on a stick.

Since the Edwards were so helpful tonight, and bummed about blood on a stick not being real, I thought that I would let them have some fun and gave them the fortune cookies to play with.

“Look what LwE gave me!”



“Don’t tell me you believe those things?”
“Come on, it’s just for fun.”
“Yeah, Newdward. Just open yours and tell us what it says.”




“Ok, let’s see. It says “Life can be erotic. Always be prepared with scintillating foreskins. Then you will never get pierced by the dingleberries.” What a bunch of crap. This is so not true. EC, what does yours say?”




“Mine says “Your ability to fornicate during saucy situations makes you raw to those around you. You are an Amishward's hat to us all”.
“In bed?”
“Shut up.”
“Edward?”


“Um, “You will soon hump upon an orgasmic fig plucker. True love awaits you in the form of a boffing Lo Mein.”
“Now that I can see as being true.”
“Son of a bitch.”

178 comments:

inotu said...

Hi

17foreverlisa said...

LMAO!!! Too funny, LWE.

17foreverlisa said...

1. swallowing

17foreverlisa said...

Really? I'm actually first. Hi inotu.

inotu said...

Hmm, DH looking at Chinese symbols for a new tattoo. Think he'd really like "mind crotch"

inotu said...

@17 hi

RobzSinger said...

hola!

Living with Edward said...

Welcome ladies.

Wow, Lisa first?? Holy poop!

Inotu; LOL at mind crotch tattoo

Lindsay Rae said...

Hey loves! I actually get to play tonight! SQUEE!

17foreverlisa said...

Hi RZ.

Where is everyone?

inotu said...

2 submissively

RobzSinger said...

3. farts

RobzSinger said...

a la eclipse tent scene.

Living with Edward said...

RZ: Hi!

Lindsay Rea: Wahoo!

Lindsay Rae said...

4. Benevolent

Twired Jen said...

hi ladies...just got in this organizing mood and started re-organzing the spare closet...

RobzSinger said...

hey girls!

17foreverlisa said...

Hello Mrs. Bentist ;)

Living with Edward said...

That's what I thought of when I saw farts. Oh geez, even farts make me think of Rob.

twilightcupcake said...

Hey kids! Where are we?

Twired Jen said...

5. Clean (as in to clean)

RobzSinger said...

watching devil wears prada.

17foreverlisa said...

Hey, Jen! That's weird. I've been doing that the last few weeks and so is Mrs. P.

Jessica R said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lindsay Rae said...

Bahaha, Mrs. Bentist... I honestly think that's the first time I've heard that!!

@Robz love that damn movie.

Living with Edward said...

That is so strange,cause I can't even remember the last time I organized something! Uncanny!

RobzSinger said...

#6 revealing

My After Car Is An XKR said...

Whoops, lost track of time. Hi yall!

RobzSinger said...

i'm with ya LWE. it just will get messed up again.

RobzSinger said...

now writing a post about rob's hat...that's time well spent.

17foreverlisa said...

LOL!! I will always think of you as Mrs. Bentist :)

RZ - Love farts! Wait. That doesn't sound quite right. Good answer. LOL!

#7 Noun beanie

RobzSinger said...

#8 penis

17foreverlisa said...

It was time well spent, RZ. I LOVED IT!

@XKR - How did your doctor's appointment go?

Lindsay Rae said...

8. Milk

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@Lisa Great! Heard heartbeat - all is well. Two weeks from today we find out the gender :D Thx for asking!

twilightcupcake said...

#9 - long

Lindsay Rae said...

So I just found out that another friend is preggers. That makes...wait for it...ELEVEN friends with child in the past 5 months. WTF are you all drinking? I DO NOT WANT IT.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

9. slimy

Dangrdafne said...

@cupcakegirl - what does "set up the mobile site" mean?

RobzSinger said...

i'm lacking creativity tonight.
#9 ginormous

Lindsay Rae said...

@XKR heartbeat!!!! I do love that all is well!!

11. quite

RobzSinger said...

ooh, congrats my after car! so exciting!
is this your first?

twilightcupcake said...

@DD - there's a "turn on mobile site" button in the blogger Design area for all blogspot blogs.

TheRugbymom said...

WTF is a mind crotch?

@Twired Jen Organizing? Why aren't you catching up on MotU? Get your priorities straight, woman!

Lindsay Rae said...

oops. sorry, thought we we passed 10.

twilightcupcake said...

@DD you need to use http://draft.blogger.com/ to log into your blog instead of regular blogger.

TheRugbymom said...

12 thrust

twilightcupcake said...

13 spurted

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@Lindsay Thanks! And, holy crap, that's a lot of pregnant friends. Something in the water right now - I'm the 8th of 10 friends due this year.

@RobzSinger - thank you! Yes, first one, super excited :)

RobzSinger said...

#13 tainted

i just said that cause i think i'm supposed to.

twilightcupcake said...

@XKR congratulations :)

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@twilightcupcake LMAO, spurted!

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@twilightcupcake Thank you!!

RobzSinger said...

babies are precious, er, sweet.

Twired Jen said...

13. butt fucked

RobzSinger said...

BBL. little girl is calling for me. get ready XKR;)

17foreverlisa said...

@XKR - Awwwwwww! How exciting is that? There's just nothing like it. So are you going to tell us if it's a boy or a girl when you find out?

@DD & TC - I didn't see you two were here. Hello!!!

Lindsay Rae said...

just in case we need 10... spoogy(ie)

Dangrdafne said...

ok twilightcupcake see if it worked please

twilightcupcake said...

@DD ironically I'm on my desktop now. But thanks for changing that - so efficient!

Hey Lisa

Haven't played DML in over 6 months. Miss you girls

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@Robz... yeah, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet (and sleeping in!) while I can.

@Lisa - YES! I'll definitely be sharing the news. Then we'll know for sure whether it's Renesmee or Renesmo.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

14. pinched

twilightcupcake said...

@Jen butt fucked? interesting - where's your head at?

My After Car Is An XKR said...

er, pinch, whatever the right format is

TheRugbymom said...

Awesomest names ever!

twilightcupcake said...

@XKR Renesmo? LOL

15 gyrating

17foreverlisa said...

Jen!! LOLOL!

XKR - That just makes me smile really big.

TC - Yes, it's been like forever. We've missed you.

Living with Edward said...

I need a new 11. Sorry Mrs. Bentist, quite is not an adverb, to my knowledge. If it is, it won't work here. But thanks for the 10!

My After Car Is An XKR said...

Credit goes to @jaymes805 for 'Renesmo.' She is a genius. And now the name has stuck. Mr. XKR does not find this funny, somehow.

twilightcupcake said...

@Lisa - yes I had the unfortunate migraine today preventing me from working. But now I get to be home for DML yeah!

Twired Jen said...

LMAO lisa!

XXR- PMSL RENESMO!

twilightcupcake said...

@XKR would Mr. XKR think Edward was any better?

Lindsay Rae said...

awww, quite is TOTES an adverb!! it describes intensity or extent of time!

Twired Jen said...

12. pump (as in the "action" sense)

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@Lisa - bet it'll also make you smile to know that I can now feel him/her moving! :D craziest. feeling. ever.

twilightcupcake said...

Kids are trying to hijack my computer to play Club Penguin.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@twilightcupcake I've already suggested every Twilight name in the book to him. Apparently, he has been paying attention to all of my Twi-rambling, because he recognized them all... and shot them all down. Sadly.

TheRugbymom said...

I'm (easily) confused. What number are we on?

Lindsay Rae said...

JFTR, The Bentist is totally cheering that you are calling me Mrs. Bentist. ....He may or may not be more drunkish than I.

And by cheering, I mean jumping around the room cheering "Mrs. The Bentist, Mrs. The Bentist"

Living with Edward said...

But an adverb needs to describe a verb. Quite describes an advective. They usually end in ly, if that helps.

Oh, am I being a grammer bitch, I don't mean to.

RobzSinger said...

13. kicked... for XKR;)

Living with Edward said...

We need an 11, then we are on 16.

RobzSinger said...

oops. #11 fugly

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@robzsinger Thank you! :) :)

My After Car Is An XKR said...

16 pulsing

twilightcupcake said...

Are we on 16?

16 - huge

TheRugbymom said...

17 The Beatles

RobzSinger said...

isn't her middle name Charlee or something..*ducks for not knowing Twi trivia*

twilightcupcake said...

@Rugbymom my husb will love that you said the beatles for a DML answer.

Okay I have to ask about the whole Bentist thing?

TheRugbymom said...

Carlie ?

Living with Edward said...

Fugly is also not an adverb. Where is our adverb expert Dangrdafne?

Lindsay Rae said...

Aww. If it's modifying another adverb or an adjective it works!

quite seriously
quite jumpy
quite aroused

sorry...linguistics double major...

RobzSinger said...

#11 barely

Living with Edward said...

But that would call for a second adverb. And 2 adverbs don't make a quite. LOL

RobzSinger said...

I think it's Carly to for some reason.

RobzSinger said...

or too.

Lindsay Rae said...

@TC my fiance is The Bentist (I'll give you 0 clues as to his profession).

#11 Solemnly?

TheRugbymom said...

Car- from Carlisle and -lie from Charlie

Dangrdafne said...

I am in no way an adverb expert. LOL!!! Sorry

I defer to the linguistics double major

or go with Hostess choice :)

17foreverlisa said...

I am so out of practice trying to multi-tasking on Gmail, twitter, and talk to my son who just got home from work.

@XKR - HUGE SMILE!!! It's the most amazing thing in the world. You just can't describe it to someone. I am so happy you are getting to experience it.

@TC - So sorry you had a migraine that kept you from work but it works out for us :)

RobzSinger said...

why the B in place of the D LRae? is he a drunk dentist?

Living with Edward said...

Yes, that is an adverb!!!

TheRugbymom said...

Don't question my Twi-Trivia knowledge. I got every question right on the Twilight Tour in Fooooorks!

Lindsay Rae said...

@RS Well...yes, he is drunk, but his name is Ben, and ever since he started dental school ppl called him The Bentist.

RobzSinger said...

thank you @rugbymom!

TheRugbymom said...

DangrDafne's pimp hand is strong!

Lindsay Rae said...

...So uh...I need to go get another homebrew. Anyone need anything?

Twired Jen said...

woah i leave for a solid 10 min, come back and you havne't progressed. Sweet. 12. tickle

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@Lisa Thanks! It's a freaking awesome feeling. So grateful for all of this.

TheRugbymom said...

18 family jewels

17foreverlisa said...

#12 - SPLODE

RobzSinger said...

#19 jaw

17foreverlisa said...

Well shit. I forgot to hit refresh. LOL!

#19 - scrotum

17foreverlisa said...

Damn it!

#20 stiff

RobzSinger said...

#21 twat waffle

twilightcupcake said...

@LRae thanks for the Ben part
@Lisa - yes I guess this is a benefit of the day off.

22 - creamy

TheRugbymom said...

I just can't imagine LwE using any Insulting Term.

RobzSinger said...

ooh, LRae - she just said, "I'm not your baby."

TheRugbymom said...

Hey! Are we gonna' get pictures of Mini_Edward1901 with this post?

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

23) fudge knuckle

17foreverlisa said...

@LwE - How you holding up? LMAO! What's Edward doing btw?

RobzSinger said...

Mrs. P comes in with a bang! :)

Lindsay Rae said...

@RS Who's not my baby? ::long pull from bottle:: I think I just killed it, jic.

TheRugbymom said...

22 twitchy

RobzSinger said...

from Devil Wears Prada after her Paris fling..

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Lol! Hi ladies...

Living with Edward said...

@TheRugbymom: You mean like douche?

My After Car Is An XKR said...

24 erotic

Lindsay Rae said...

@RS OH OH OOOH! Yessssss

24. fuzzy

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

25) scintillating

twilightcupcake said...

Hey Mrs. P

TheRugbymom said...

Well, if you called someone that, then yes. That would be an Insulting Term.

Living with Edward said...

There is always pics of Edward when I host!

Lindsay Rae said...

26. foreskins

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Hey TC! Xoxoxo

twilightcupcake said...

Mrs. P - how's the walking blog going? Busy girl...

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

27) Pierced

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

TC...awesome! I really like wordpress.

TheRugbymom said...

Helz yes! That's what I'm talkin' about! (Since you can't be bothered to update his blog anymore!) Sorry, I just miss the plastic ming reader.

Living with Edward said...

@Lisa: I'm holding up really well. Getting the hang of trying ot do a post while keeping up with the words. Talk about multi tasking. Edward is cringing at all the words that will be associated with him in this DML. This is his least favorite job. He finds it really embarrasing.

RobzSinger said...

okay, hubs is gonna give me a massage so i'm out. xo. thanks LWE. g'night.

Twired Jen said...

28. Dingleberries

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@robzsinger... jealous, enjoy!

twilightcupcake said...

Mrs. P - yes WP is easy. although layouts are limited.

Dammit my kids keep coming in here and they can read.

Gotta run - love you all xoxo

Twired Jen said...

Hi Mrs P!

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@Jen you're cracking me up tonight! Love your words.

Dangrdafne said...

Ooooo massage.... *yells out to hubby*

Dangrdafne said...

Bye TC it was great to see you here!!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

29) fornicate

17foreverlisa said...

Hey, Mrs. P! You finally came out of the closet I see ;)

Jen, you're on a roll tonight.

LWE, it's stressful and I don't put as much work into it as you do. Poor Edward. LOL!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Hello Jen!

Lindsay Rae said...

30) Saucy

TheRugbymom said...

@Mrs. P @ TwiBite PILF!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Lmao Lisa! I ventured into another one...found a secret door behind it, and it's a major secret storage place. Now it puts a whole new spin on where i can put things. I'm having a blast...lol!

TheRugbymom said...

Where is Musing Bella tonight?

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

@Rugby...major fornication around the corn stalks.

17foreverlisa said...

#31 - raw

My After Car Is An XKR said...

32. Amishward's hat

17foreverlisa said...

@Mrs. P - LOL!! Has HGTV called yet?

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

@Lisa no, they haven't. I think I should call them. They're obviously slacking.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

33) hump

Lindsay Rae said...

34) Orgasmic

TheRugbymom said...

35 fig plucker

My After Car Is An XKR said...

36. boffing

Lindsay Rae said...

37. Lo Mein

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Woot! I'll be back later to read the post. Have an awesome night ladies...xoxoxoxo

TheRugbymom said...

@Lindsay Rae - I love your AVI. I'd like to put my face right at the bottom of it!

Dangrdafne said...

orgasmic fig plucker boffing Lo Mein

interesting

Living with Edward said...

Ok, only a few more minutes and it will be up. <--- that's what she said.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

This one is gonna be good. I can already tell.

Lindsay Rae said...

@Rugby, it was a sacrifice...Loose the fuckhawt eyes and hair but focus more on the lips, hands and crotch.

@Dangrdafne I think that sentence should be printed and framed....

Lindsay Rae said...

Loose? I meant lose. Thunder Cat just came in and sat on my arm while I'm typing away on the lappy. Fucking pussies.

17foreverlisa said...

Night, M :)

Living with Edward said...

It's done!

My After Car Is An XKR said...

LMAO, nice one! This was a fun topic, loved it!

Lindsay Rae said...

OMG! LwE! Those pics make it pricelesssssss!!@


Bahahaha!!!


I guess it's time for me to do some work...Thanks for letting me come and play! Thanks for hosting, LwE!

Dangrdafne said...

In Bed!!!!

Living with Edward said...

Thanks for playing LR! Love having you here!