DML

Bewbie Squishes and Ass Grabs!!!

2011-10-14T20:30:00.003-05:00

Welcome back to all of my tainty twatwaffles who've played before, and a special fondle to any new players! With the possible end of DML hanging over our heads at the beginning of the summer, I'm more excited than I can express to be in the position to tell you that not only are we returning, but we even have a new bar wench who will take care of all of your needs very soon. I assure you she's VERY accommodating. ;)

This week, I bring you a couple of libs from two new books I picked up a few days ago. Fresh from the presses and now available for your dirty minds to massacre. Remember to try and go in order, refresh the comments using F5 and censorship is strictly forbidden. Here we go!

Mad Lib #1

1. Plural Noun

2. Verb ending in "ing"

3. Noun

4. Noun

5. Plural Noun

6. Part of the Body

7. Noun

8. Verb ending in "ing"

9. Adjective

10. Part of the Body

11. Verb ending in "ing"

12. Noun

13. Noun

14. Part of the Body

15. Adverb

16. Part of the Body Plural

Afraid of the Dark

I was home alone and scared out of my Jell-O shots. I could hear the wind sucking and off in the distance a Forks was howling. I crossed the room, locked the butt nugget, and climbed into bed. pulling the h00rs over my sparkle peen. Then it happened. I could hear a Rathbulge gagging up the moist stairs. My tit started to chatter and my knees were bouncing. The Zane Ross was thrust open and there was a huge Rikki with hair all over his taint. It was my father.

"Hi, we're home," he said prematurely. "Hope you weren't afraid of staying home alone."

"No," I said, lying through my pussy lips.

Mad Lib #2

1. Adjective

2. Number

3. Plural Noun

4. A Place

5. Celebrity - Male

6. Adjective

7. A Place

8. Adjective

9. Adjective

10. Noun

11. A Place

12. Adjective

13. Number

14. Noun

15. Number

16. Occupation

17. Noun

18. Adjective

M.A.S.H.

Congratulations! According to M.A.S.H. (the ultimate sleepover game), your future looks bright and sticky. When you are 17 years old, you will met the man of your rubber gloves in New Zealand. His name will be Peter Facinelli. You will have a dickhead wedding, and you will go to Jackson Rathbone's bed on your promiscuous honeymoon. When you return, you will move into a slippery beanbag in the bottom of a well. You will drive an erect car. Then when you have been married for 5 years, you will have your first trollop. You will go on to have 1.7724538 more children. You will work as an STD tester for the Jersey Shore cast until you retire and move to a tropical the good part. Your M.A.S.H. future looks prosperous and squishy, so prepare to enjoy it!

Into the Sunset?

2011-05-25T15:38:00.000-05:00

On almost the first anniversary of our venture in DML as its own blog, we say... see ya later? Well - to be honest, we don't really know what to do. Participation is falling and the girls need a break. So - we're taking the summer off.

We'll be back in September, but perhaps for only a once a month game. It's all up to our players. If we can generate enough interest again, we'll kick it into high gear. If not, it may be the end...

I can only speak for myself, but throughout the summer, I will be up for at least an impromptu game or two. I'll try to get the word out at least a day in advance, if not a week. I'm sure some of the other girls will be up for a few too. Let us know how you feel.

I know I can speak for all the hosts when I say, regardless of the future of DML, it's been a helluva ride! Thank you to all of our players and lurkers alike! We appreciate the good times and many many laughs!

-SV Out...

Happy Birthday to Rob!

2011-05-13T20:30:00.002-05:00

As you all know, today is Robert Pattinson's 25th birthday. So to celebrate, I dedicate this DML to him. Have fun with it!

1. Verb past tense
2. Adjective
3. Adverb
4. Verb
5. Part of the body
6. Adjective
7. Adjective
8. Verb
9. Strange Celebrity
10. Adjective
11. Adjective
12. Verb ending in ing
13. Adjective
14. Noun
15. Adjective
16. Verb ending in ing
17. Weird song
18. Adjective
19. Adjective
20. Noun
21. Verb ending in ing
22. Noun
23. Celebrity (Not Rob)
24. Adjective
25. Plural Noun
26. Verb
27. Adjective

For Rob’s birthday today, it was very difficult trying to get Edward carried with tonight’s activities. You know, because Edward thinks Rob is a huge tool and all. I never said he was the most sparkly tiny plastic vampire.

So to help us tonight, Bella has roughly agreed. She loves Rob. It turns out she may be a bit smarter than I thought. So without further ado, I give you Bella.

“Hi! I’m Bella. To help jerk Rob’s birthday, I’m going to tell you all my top 5 favorite things about Robert Pattinson!”

“Number 1. I love Rob’s jawline! It’s so unsightly and pasty. I just want to boink it!”
“Number 2. Rob’s acting.”

“His acting reminds me so much of Billy Bob Thornton's. They both present a hairy character and give the most twitchy expresions. They are also both great at sucking.”

“Number 3. Rob’s singing.”

“Rob sings like a flippy taint with so much repulsive talent. I dream about him monkeying me with his voice, singing My Ding A Ling all day long. Swoon!”

“Number 4. Rob’s fashion sense.”

“Some people say he looks like a hobo. I disagree. I think he looks bulbous in his misbuttoned confused clothing. He reminds me of a Greek bedroom with a masturbating birthday candle. Perfection.”

“And Number 5. Rob himself.”

“He is the total package. I’ve heard people say that he is so much like James Dean. Not to me. To me he is more like Tom Hanks because of the horny whips and the way he licks. He can be described as obediant.”

Happy Birthday Rob! And sorry.

Up close and personal with mom.....

2011-05-06T20:30:00.001-05:00

Happy Mother's Day!

Mad Lib #1

Plural noun
Adjective
Geographic location
Noun
Noun
Verb (past tense)
Noun
Adjective
Small city
Adjective
Noun
Plural noun
Noun
Noun

Case History:

The Spoiled Child

Spoiled children constantly demand new bras to play with, as they are never satisfied with what they have. History's most well hung example is Henry VIII. Discontented with his first wife, Catherine of Tahiti, Henry divorced her and wed Anne Boleyn. But she had a melancholy cadbury creme egg, so he executed her. His next your mom, Jane Seymour, ran while giving birth, which made Henry cry like a monkey. He got over it by ordering a new bride from a hairy country. Unfortunately, when Anne of Hogsmead arrived, Henry screamed that he found her to be too shiny, so he set her aside and married Katherine Howard. However, she cheated on him so he chopped off her stop sign. Finally, there was Catherine Parr, the last of his rocket ships, who survived him. Henry was a spoiled dogsten who grew up to become an even more spoiled hooter. Someone should have administered a royal time-out!

A Simple Act of Kindess

2011-04-29T20:30:00.001-05:00

Hello all my lovely ladies. It has been a trying past couple of weeks for me so I'm super excited for the fun to ensue tonight. I'm tired and a bit brain fried so I haven't prepared anything very creative or witty to say tonight. So I guess we should just get right to it.

1. Adjective
2. Verb ending in ing
3. Strange Occupation
4. Noun
5. Verb
6. Noun
7. Adjective
8. Verb past tense
9. Adjective
10. Crazy Emotion
11. Verb past tense
12. Verb ending in ing
13. Plural Noun
14. Verb ending in ing
15. Adjective
16. Noun
17. Adjective
18. Adjective
19. Verb
20. Adjective
21. Noun
22. Adjective
23. Verb
24. Adjective
25. Adjective
26. Noun
27. Noun
28. Verb ending in ing
29. Verb
30. Adjective
31. Adjective

Most of you know that Edward works with me at a bank. He doesn’t think of it of work, however. He thinks of it more like sexy forking. Some days I agree with him. My close friend, and coworker, also has a mini Edward, that we call Eduardo, that would come to work with her also. He, however, has quit the bank to become a Glory Hole Attendant. He loves it! But recently, Eduardo has been coming to the bank again to spend more time with his human. And he has been reminded of why he can’t stand it there

First off, Edward makes fun of him like a taint fondles a sparkle peen.

Eduardo was only trying to educate himself on the company history, but Edward found that to be fuckhawt behavior so he shat this long sign.

This made Eduardo feel raging lust, so he slunk his own sign in retaliation.

Since Edward had insulted Eduardo, he was now left to entertain himself. I suggested that he try dancing mini Edwards, or maybe even thrusting an impure ballsack . He wasn’t appreciative of my suggestions so he decided that he would just be the keeper of the keys.

But the keys were too gorgeous for Edward.

I don’t know why that made him fall over.

Anyway, Eduardo was off doing his own things. Mostly getting frustrated.

“What a saucy calculator! I hate this thing and I hate banking! Someday, I am going to burst all the banks in the world and be the most hairy condom that anyone has ever seen!” He was getting a bit dramatic so we made him spend some quality alone time.

After a couple hours of this, the boredom sent poor Eduardo into a tantrum.

Edward then felt sorry for his friend, so he decided to cheer him up. Edward went to NYC a couple weeks ago and brought Eduardo home a very tight gift that he was sure Eduardo would dry hump. He chose now to give it to him.

Eduardo was so moved and leprosy scabbed that he couldn’t find words. He appreciated the gift so much. He was unsure what to do with it. He thought it was a sordid Trojan Tri-phora vibrator or perhaps a cupcake with a tweeting feature. Edward laughed at those ideas and told him it was a zipper pull or a keychain. Eduardo experimented with the zipper pull idea. He was pleased.

Eduardo was so happy for the rest of the day. He stood holding his gift so he could properly fang bang it all day long. He also fashioned a new sign to show his appreciation.

So next time you see some one who is having a rough day, a simple act of kindness can make them feel much more monstrous and make their day frazzled.

Bunny Hop

2011-04-22T09:12:00.000-05:00

There will be no DML tonite Friday 4-22-11 due to the Easter holiday and the opening of the Water for Elephants movie.

Tune in next week for more DML fun!!

Spring has Sprung

2011-04-08T20:30:00.022-05:00

and apparently so has Rob!!!

LOL!!!

1. Plural Noun
2. Adjective
3. Noun
4. Plural Noun
5. Plural Noun
6. Noun
7. Type of tool
8. Plural Noun
9. Noun
10. Adjective

11. Person
12. Adjective
13. Adjective
14. Noun
15. Adjective
16. Noun
17. Adjective
18. Adjective
19. Verb
20. Verb
21. Person
22. Verb
23. Adjective
24. Verb

Spring Garden

Planting a vegetable garden is not only fun, it also helps save Boobies. You will need a piece of sticky land. You may need a witch to keep the dead prostitutes and dingleberries out. As soon as the wedge is here you can go out there with your SCREWdriver and plant all kinds of taints. Then in a few months, you will have corn on the sperm burping bitch and big, skeevy flowers.

Trip to the Park!

Yesterday, Sister Mary Frances and Mrs. Cope went to the park. On our way to the tired as fuck park, we saw a char broiled one eyed snake on a bike. We also saw big sparkly peen balloons tied to a qweef. Once we got to the fugly park, the sky turned drippy. It started to cum guzzle and spank. Yo Momma and your mom nuzzled all the way home. Tomorrow we will try to go to the whoretastic park again and hope it doesn't ass pound.

1. Verb(ing)
2. Adjective
3. Verb(ing)
4. Part of Body
5. Adverb
6. Part of Body
7. Noun
8. Verb
9. Animal
10. Noun
11. Verb
12. Adjective
13. Color

Bike Riding!

Baby Making is a bump and grind form of exercise. Squirting a bicycle enables you to develop your poop chute muscles as well as quickly increase the rate of your tender taint beat. More cum dumpsters around the world dry hump bicycles than ride elephants. No matter what kind of clit blister you circumcise, always be sure to wear a vicious helmet. make sure to have puce reflectors too.

Who? Me?

2011-04-01T20:47:00.003-05:00

Sorry

Um.....so like I forgot tonight was my turn to host DML. Good thing I already started drinking. Thanks for waiting! Lets play..........

Mad Lib #1

Part of the body (plural)
Verb
Adjective
Noun
Plural noun
Type of building
Noun
Verb ending in "ing"
Plural noun
Part of the body
Type of liquid
Adjective
Type of building
Adjective

Handbag Confidential

They say that the taints are the window to the soul. That may be true, but you can definitely tell more about a woman by what she likes to thrust in her handbag. Some women like bags that are very fuzzy, while others like a bag that's as small as a headboard. There are some common things to every bag, such as a wallet to hold their pubes and their cathedral keys. Sometimes, they carry a blindfold, or maybe a pair of glasses for canoodling. They might also carry handcuffs to color their wenis. Some women can carry Band-Aids and tequila, in case of a bulging emergency. One thing you can definitely say, no matter who she is, most women aren't going to leave their outhouse without their fucked up bag!

Mad Lib #2

Occupation
Adjective
Number
Silly word
Same occupation
Number
A place
A place
Verb (past tense)
Adjective
Same occupation
Adverb
Adjective
Article of clothing
Adjective
Adjective
Verb ending in "ing"
Adjective
Adjective
Type of building
Verb (past tense)

Just Like Mom

When I grow up, I want to be a fluffer just like my mom. She's worked really hard to get there, and Mom said that it's worth every vomit scented minute. It all started when she was 50 years old. She went to see the movie Gaberluzie, and that was enough. All Mom could think about was being a fluffer. Mom went to school for 13 years in The Red Room of Pain to make sure she had all the right training. Then, she decided to move to my bathroom where she could open her business. And, during all of this, she met and jerked my dad, and started a family. I know that it's going to be drunk as fuck, but just think how proud she's going to be when I tell her that I want to be a fluffer, all because of her!

APRIL FOOLS DAY! IT WASN'T ONE LONG ONE, IT WAS TWO!

First Date Aid

Here are some easy tips on making your first date go cunningly.

Make sure that you wear something sore. You don't want to have to worry about your nipple clamps all night. And it may sound slutty, but wear dangerous shoes, too. You might be walking around a lot.
Try to plan something that you both like to do, like thrusting. It doesn't have to be expensive or yearning, and it can still be fun!
If you're nervous, make it a group outing. Get all your lickable friends together and take a trip to the local hospital. You'll feel much more comfortable.
Find out what time your mom and dad expect you to be home. You don't want to be spent because you missed your curfew!

The Fuckhawt Twi-Chicks!

2011-03-25T20:30:00.003-05:00

As women, we tend to focus so much on the men that I thought I'd pay homage to the kick ass Cullen hotties who share our chromosomes. So let's take a look at these chicks when Summit isn't trying to ugly them up, shall we???

See? MUCH prettier.

Phenomenal beauty that has been under that Rosalie funk!

FUCKING GORGEOUS!

DAYUM!

Alrighty - now that we're all feeling a little less pretty, let's have one last pic to fix that...

All better now? I hope so, cuz I want your dirtiest, sleeziest, nastiest, most disturbingly creative words you can muster. Let's do this!

Mad Lib #1

1. Adjective

2. Number

3. Plural Noun

4. Animal

5. Noun

6. Verb ending in "ing"

7. Adjective

8. Verb ending in "ing"

9. Verb ending in "ing"

10. Number

11. Plural Noun

12. Number

13. Noun

14. Noun

15. Noun

16. Adverb

Vacation Sports

There are many new and fugly things you can do on your vacation now. 5 years ago, tummy sticks who went on a vacation could play tennis or go woof-back riding, or play eighteen holes of nipple hair, or spend their time fisting with their families. But today, if you are slippery enough to try, you can go skydiving, windsurfing, water skiing, or mountain puking. Skydiving is the most fun, if you are not afraid of snarfing. First, you strap on 17 parachutes. Then you get in an airplane with eight or nine other dingleberries and go up to 13 feet. Then you open the door and jump out. Once in the air, everyone holds hands and you go into a free fall toward the taint below. At the last minute, you yank on your clitoris and open your parachute, floating gently to the KStew. It is a lot of fun if you like to live stealthily.

Mad Lib #2

1. Name of Twilight Character

2. Noun

3. Noun

4. Noun

5. Noun

6. Adjective

7. Adjective

8. Adjective

9. Noun

10. Noun

11. Noun

12. Verb

13. Adverb

14. Noun

15. Adjective

16. Adjective

17. Number

18. Noun

19. Verb Past Tense

A Rare Medium

The sign read "Madam Alice, Have Your Orgasm Told Today." Taking a deep your mom, I opened the pink python and went inside. In the center of the room, seated behind a large feed sack, was the Madam. She was a breasty woman with dark dripping eyes and a peaches and cream smile on her beaver. She was dressed in a large meat stick and wore a cock ring wrapped around her head. She motioned to me to riding down as she stared taintily into her crystal nipple. A purple look came over her throbbing face. She told me something I didn't want to hear. "If you want your fortune told, it's 24 dollars." I leapt out of my asshole and fucked out the door.

St. Patrick's Day Shenanigans

2011-03-18T21:30:00.003-05:00

Hi! Thank you for being here and for coping with the delay - the stupid MTV Australia "live" feed was actually delayed an hour. Anyway, I figured you all need to ~~calm down and resume breathing~~ fill in time before you watch Leno (not jealous or anything) so I hope we haven't gone too late for y'all.

For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Amy from TwiKiwi. After the Borderline Phenomenal girls did such a wonderful job guest hosting a few weeks back I raised my hand and the gorgeous Lisa sacrificed her spot in the DML schedule for me!

I’ve only discovered this week that ‘Mad Libs’ is a game played in America. Here was I crediting you guys for making this whole thing up all along! You learn something every day. Suffice it to say, I’m new at this, go easy... erm... whatever. I’m also never that great at the whole what’s a verb, what’s a noun thing, so I’ve made loads of these clues a little more specific. We’ll see how it goes!

Hope you’ve got a full glass in your hand...

Thanks to Lani for the great pic!

I have three rules:
Keep it DURTY at all times (Rob likes it that way)
Keep it as IRISH as possible
Have a f*cking awesome time!

Here goes nothin!

1. Item of clothing

2. Term of endearment

3. Body part (male)

4. Noun

5. Vehicle

6. Noun

7. Exclamation

8. Exclamation

9. Adjective

10. Male Twilight character (not a Cullen)

11. Beverage

12. Cocktail

13. Body part (female)

14. Item of clothing

15. Song title (fast tempo)

16. Verb

17. Verb

18. Body part (male)

19. Adjective

20. Verb

21. Item of clothing

22. Noun

23. Verb

24. Adjective

25. Verb (ending in ing)

26. Name of a hotel

27. Exclamation

28. Adjective (plural)

29. Verb

30. Feeling

31. Noun

32. Song title (slow tempo)

33. Verb

34. Verb (past tense)

35. Adjective

36. Verb

37. Body part (female)

38. Small folklore character ;-)

39. Noun

40. Adjective

41. Title of a Twilight book

42. Name of a planet

St Patrick’s Day Dancing Fun! – Fan Fiction style

Bella and the girls were imbibing in a few pre-match beverages as they primped and preened, banana hammocks strewn all over the bedroom as they were more focussed on getting their drink on than getting ready to go to the St Patrick’s Day party downtown.

“Come on, cunt flaps, Em’s waiting for me and the sooner we get this show on the road, the sooner I can get me some of his hairy balls” Rose practically barked at Bella and Alice.

“Hold your horses, Rose. Good things take time, and I want to look my best for when I see Jazz” Bella rolled her eyes at Alice’s comment and continued to put on her jizz receptacle.

When they were finally out the door they piled into the flying saucer, finally on their way to meet their boys. Bella realised that perhaps the chance of her seeing Edward using his dagger to it’s full potential were reasonably high tonight. As the girls entered the bar, Edward, Emmett and Jasper took one look at their women.

“Motherfuckingmonkeyfuckers!” exclaimed Edward. “Bella, where did you get that outfit? You look asshat! wow!”

“Umm, thanks, I think.” Bella mumbled, awkward and stretchy as ever.

Charlie the waiter brought over a tray of drinks to the party of six. “Three clamatoes for the gentlemen, and for you ladies, three panty droppers.”

“Wow, ladies, you’re high rollin tonight!” Jazz exclaimed as the girls sipped their delicious cocktails.

“You know it, Big Boy” oozed Alice as she put her g-spot down his hotpants, causing him to jump a little and turn a brilliant shade of red.

The DJ switched up the sounds and suddenly Anarchy in the UK came on. “OMG OMG OMG! We have to dance, girls!” Bella was literally plugging with excitement. The three girls ran to the dancefloor and started bumping and topping to the beat. Emmett, Jasper and Edward had their choads glued to the girls.

“Yo, we are in for a very crusty evening my brothers!” Emmett muttered.

As the song changed to a slower beat, Bella yearned seductively towards Edward, slowly beckoning for him to join her on the dancefloor. From where he sat, he could see the top of her codpiece, and wondered what else she had in store for him when they got back to his place. He joined her, holding her close. He could feel her rathbulge and wondered if tonight was the night he would finally get to pop her cherry.

Suddenly, the spotlights focused on the bar, upon which appeared a short, greying man wearing a green shirt which proclaimed ‘Fuck me! I’m Irish!.’ He waited until the elaborate drumroll finished before making his announcement. “Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Carlisle’s tavern of Chaos, where every year on March 17^th we celebrate all that is Irish with an evening of drinking, masturbating and debauchery. It is my great pleasure to conduct the annual St Patrick’s Day dance competition. The winning couple, judged by myself, will win a luxurious evening for two in the honeymoon suite at the Hilton, Washington’s finest, this very evening”.

Bella, Alice and Rosalie let out a collective ‘Fuckity fuckity fuck!’, practically deafening their lovers. Immediately, all three men were coerced into participating in the competition, although not as reluctant now that they knew an evening with their lovers in a five star hotel was up for grabs.

The competition was to consist of two dances, a slow dance, followed by one with a faster beat. The slow dance would be the easiest, Edward reckoned, because at least he could double penetrate Bella close to him and sway from side to side. The faster beat though, made him all hornaaayyy inside. He could feel his diaper fill with butterflies, so much was riding on this.

The couples stood nervously as the faster beat segued into Let’s Get it On, nice and sloooow. Bella looked around to Alice and Rose, who were both butt-thrusting at their beaus. She glanced at Edward, who looked boned. ‘Oh well,’ she thought to herself, ‘here goes nothing.’

She launched into her nasty routine with Edward, swinging him around and leading him as they swirled around the floor. She whispered in his ear: “Hey Edward... win this for me and tonight, in the hotel room, I will let you shamrock my taint”. His eyes widened, task suddenly focussed. With the amount of sexual tension in the air, the song seemed to last forever.

Finally, Michael Flately, Lord of the Dance, resumed his position to announce the winner. “Ladies and gentlemen, this was the closest year yet. Firstly, a ‘Highly Commended’ goes to this Amazonian Goddess and her Homecoming King over here” – he gestured to Rose & Emmett.

“In all fairness, love, you were amazing. Your boyfriend seems to have the Blarney Stone in his shoes though. Next, in second place, we have this enthusiastic Irish Pixie over here and her Clitoral Cowboy.” Alice ‘squee’d with excitement, having heard the second prize was dinner for two at The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a swanky restaurant.

“And now, we can announce the winners!” Bella and Edward were momentarily blinded as a large spotlight shone directly on them. “Oh My God, Edward! We did it!” The announcer’s voice was completely eclipsed by Bella’s squeals of delight. Edward had a smile that could be seen from Uranus as the realisation of what this meant dawned on him.

“Come on love, we’ve got somewhere we need to be!”

And with that, he whisked her outside and into a waiting limosine.

Thanks for playing! Here are some pics from my trip to Ireland in 2005. Amy xx

BREAKING NEWS

2011-03-18T20:34:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone,

There will be a DML tonight but it has been delayed one hour due to all the Rob-gasming going on.

See you at:

7.30pm Pacific
9.30pm Central
10.30pm Eastern
3.30pm NZDST (or maybe that's just me!)

A xxx

SXSW and Random Fandom Kindness Day

2011-03-11T20:30:00.013-06:00

What a day this has been. I hope everyone is safe and doing well.

We do have some amazingly good news today... My After Car is an XKR found out that she is going to have a baby girl! She is very excited and I am so happy for her, her husband and her family.

I would also like to point out that blogs have been set up for My After Car for an online baby shower and a blog each for TwiredJen, Kitty_Elvis and LindsayRae114 for their online wedding showers. Please use the links below to see each blog.

http://myaftercar.blogspot.com/
http://twiredjenjensbridalshower.blogspot.com/
http://kittyelvisbridalshower.blogspot.com/
http://lindsayraesbridalshowerlindsayrae114.blogspot.com/

On to the Mad Libs:

Next week many of our favorite Twitards will be headed to South By Southwest, a huge music festival in Texas. So the first Mad Lib will be to honor their trip to SXSW. Be safe, have fun and send pictures!!

Today 3-11-11 is also Random Fandom Kindness Day per @MrsTheKing and Twitarded. It is a day to show kindness randomly to people in the fandom. So I would like to show my kindness to all of you and thank you so much for playing Mad Libs with us each week.

Happening

1. Verb
2. Number
3. Adjective
4. Adjective
5. Noun
6. Adjective
7. Plural Noun
8. A place
9. Adjective
10. Plural Noun
11. Person in Twilight Saga
12. Animal (plural)
13. Verb ending in "ing"
14. Type of Food (plural)
15. Noun
16. Adjective
17. Noun
18. Verb
19. Noun

Run, don't cram, to join 109 of your closest friends at the greatest bumpy outdoor musical experience of our horny generation. This once-in-a-buttplug event is guaranteed to provide a sparklicious weekend filled with music, peace, love, and weiners in the picturesque setting of Forks High School. Bands such as the Purple Taints, Victoria and the Sloths, the Fucking Cocks, and many more will be rocking the cat butt all night long! This shiny happening will take place rain or jizz bucket, so bitch slap accordingly. It's sure to be a legend... wait for it... ary clitblister!

Peace, Love and Poetry

1. Plural Noun
2. Person in Twilight Saga
3. Verb
4. Noun
5. Plural Noun
6. Adjective
7. Plural Noun
8. Noun
9. Color
10. Part of the Body
11. Verb
12. Noun
13. Plural Noun
14. Adverb
15. A Place

"Peace, Love, and the Pursuit of Turds" by Butt Crack Santa

Teach everyone you meet to anal probe in perfect harmony.
Reach out and embrace a friend or boot, or go hug a tree!
Preach to BenWa Balls, both big and tangy, to give peace a chance.
And stop and smell Edward's balls, or do a little dance.
Love you neighbors, love your friends, love your dildo too - and love the good ol' USA - the red, the purple, and the blue!
Extend your taint in friendship to everyone you meet.
Invite a stranger to finger fuck, or bring a stray butt plug home to eat.
These random acts of carpet pissing pomeranians will put a smile on a face, and they'll grievously transform the depths of Hell into a better place!

Borderline Phenomenally Drunk and Mad Libbin

2011-03-04T20:30:00.021-06:00

Good evening Drunk Mad Libbers! Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are Demanda and Jaymes visiting from Borderline Phenomenal and are muy excited to be hosting this evening. So get your drinks ready (execpt for you Myaftercar, you just drink juice or something) and put your dirty thinking caps on because "IT'S TIME!"

As most of you ~~are sick of hearing~~ know, we took a little trip a few weeks ago to L.A. to see/meet 100 Monkeys. This trip was amazaballs. Not only did we get to see a freaking awesome band and some hot pieces of arse...

Borderline Phenomenal and 100 Monkeys unite!

but we also got to hang out with our lovely twi-besties.

LuvsMeSumEdward wasn't there yet but she was in spririt.

One thing that would have made this experience even more awesome was if all of you were able to come along with us. So we figured, why not rewrite history and include all of you in the fun. So without further ado, we present to you:

A Borderline Phenomenal DML Trip!

1. Adjective

2. Noun

3. Noun plural

4. Insulting term

5. Body part plural

6. Verb

7. Adjective

8. Verb past tense

9. Verb past tense

10. Adjective

11. Noun

12. Noun

13. Adjective

14. Verb past tense

15. Adjective

16. Noun

17. Place

18. Bodily function

19. Adjective

20. Noun

21. Adjective

22. Body part (female)

23. Adverb

24. Celebrity

25. Adjective

26. Adjective

27. Insulting term

28. Article of Clothing

29. Food item

30. Noun

31. Adjective

32. Adjective

33. Ajective

34. Body Part

35. Adjective

36. Adjective

37. Verb

38. Name of food/drink'

39. Emotion/feeling

40. Verb ending in ing

41. Noun plural

42. Verb ending in ing

43. Noun plural

44. Adjective

45. Adjective

46. Emotion

47. Adverb

48. Noun plural

49. Verb

50. Twilight character

51. Twilight character

Last weekend, the bulging Jaymes and Demanda took a trip to L.A. to see 100 Monkeys. They got up at the meat wallet of dawn to drive three hours to Los Angeles. On the way down there, Demanda and Jaymes decided to rock out to some Bieber. Most monkeys think Bieber is a TwiMom but they love to rock out with their foreskins out to his music.

“I just need somebody to PORK!!!! ”, Demanda sang out at the top of her lungs. All of the sudden she stopped and said “I have to go to the bathroom so clammy. Let’s stop somewhere.” They finally found a CVS, bedazzled out of the car and boinked into the store. As soon as they got near the bathroom, they realized this place was a sticky chode. “This place smells like Amanda’s crotch!!” Demanda screamed out loud and Jaymes gave her a flaming hot look. They cried and licked at the sight and smells of this place. It was like someone took all of the sticky moose knuckles in the The Roxy and combined them into this one room to use as a torture chamber. Someone had also pooped on the toilet paper roll which made the situation even more sparkly.

The girls got out of that place as fast as a cum dumpster and continued on their journey. They finally arrived in the squeaky land of Beverly Hills. Demanda had an appointment to get her clit waxed and Jaymes waited vigorously while scanning the area for famous people. She really was hoping to see Jackson Rathbone but sadly, that didn’t happen. She still had just as much fun watching bloated people.

Soon enough, it was night time and the girls were heading to The Roxy to meet the pulsating 100 Monkeys. After a long drive down Sunset Blvd., they finally arrived at The Roxy and met some cum guzzling son of a bitch fans. Jaymes was nervously shaking in her ripped panties but played it cool as a cucumber when she met the band. Jackson was looking as handsome as a robot timberwolf in his salty pants, with his fishy crooked smile. Demanda wanted to yell “Jaaaaaaasper” really tight at the top of her ass cheeks but decided against it. Although they do love him in Twilight, it was nice to see him without that elongated wig and freeway look on his face. When he put his hand on Jaymes' lower back, she got flushed and immediately wanted to shat.

After meeting the band, getting autographs and taking pictures, the girls went next door to get some catfish. They finished and were feeling very fucked so they went back to The Roxy to meet up with all of their DML friends for the show. All of the h00rs had an amazing time, groping alligators and fucking leg hitches. The bands were all explosive and 100 Monkeys were even more cranky live. All in all everything about the weekend made the girls giddy and they can’t wait to do it again someday soon.

The End.

PS- The next day, there was a rumor going around that Rob and Kristen were porntastically at a grocery store in Sherman Oaks. Most likely they were buying blood pumping muscles to go fisting for their naughty role playing game as Edward (Fifty) and Jasper.

Thanks for playing this Borderline Phenomenal edition of DML. Come visit us over BORDERLINE PHENOMENAL and Jayme's BRAND NEW Jackson blog RATHGASM 101!

Lost In Translation

2011-02-25T20:30:00.002-06:00

It's Friday, ladies!! I'm sure you are all happy about that. I know, I'm usually pretty bogged down by Friday and can use an emotional pick me up. So I provide you with some great Chinese funnies. These kinda go with tonight's DML theme. Enjoy, and see you in the comments!

1. Verb ending in ing
2. Adjective
3. Plural Noun
4. Adjective
5. Verb
6. Verb ending in ed
7. Noun
8. Noun
9. Adjective
10. Adjective
11. Adverb
12. Verb
13. Verb ending in ed
14. Verb
15. Verb ending in ing
16. Adjective
17. Plural Noun
18. Plural Noun
19. Part of the body
20. Adjective
21. Insulting Term
22. Adjective
23. Insulting Term
24. Adjective
25. Adjective
26. Plural Noun
27. Verb ending in ed
28. Plural Noun
29. Verb
30. Adjective
31. Adjective
32. Noun
33. Verb
34. Adjective
35. Noun
36. Verb ending in ing
37. Noun

Edward: Blue
EC: Green
Newdward: Red

Tonight Edward, EC, and Newdward were hanging out together. They were very bored.

“What do you guys want to do?”
“We could try swallowing submissive farts.”
“No, we did that yesterday. Remember it was really benevolent?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“We could clean.”
“Nah. Not in the mood.”

After having a long day at work, I decided I could give them something to do. So I suggested that they order me Chinese food and can then serve it. I may as well benefit from their boredom somehow.

“Yes, hi. I would like to order my human some food. I’ll take the sesame tainted chicken with a side of beanie fried rice. Also the peppered penis with the long Lo Mein. And I have a question. Is the sweet and spoogy chicken solemnly cooked or do you thrust it? ……….. Ok, I see. Then I’ll take the spurted dumplings.”

Then the Edwards waited around for the food to be delivered. Edward got a shock when he saw who had a new job as the Chinese food delivery ….uh…..person? I don’t know what to call him.

“Jacob?!”

“Squeak!”
“Wow, I didn’t know you delivered Chinese food. You’re not even Asian…………Native American is not a kind of Asian………Yes, I’m sure. And why do you have an acorn?………No, acorns are not Chinese food……….No not even if you put soy sauce on it…….I don’t think you are qualified for this job……..You want a tip? Alright. Don’t pinch while gyrating huge The Beatles. There, now that is a tip.”

After Jacob left, the Edwards carried the food to where they were going to serve it.

Apparently it was dinner in bed to be accompanied by some Glee on Hulu with the laptop. I won’t complain.

The Edwards then served the food onto plates for us. It was very nice.

“This is so gross. It smells like family jewels. And not the good kind.”
“I know. I don’t know how they can stand it. They must have strong jaws.”
“Either that, or they are just really good with stiff things.”
“Hey Edward. What do you have there?”

“I think it’s blood on a stick! Mine, I call it!”
“No way, you twat waffle! You have to share! There’s plenty there!"
“Fine. But if I’m a twat waffle, then you’re a twitchy fudge knuckle.”
“Whatever. Gimme!”

So the boys went to town on what they thought was blood on a stick.

They were very upset when they learned that it was just some Teriyaki chicken…..on a stick.

Since the Edwards were so helpful tonight, and bummed about blood on a stick not being real, I thought that I would let them have some fun and gave them the fortune cookies to play with.

“Look what LwE gave me!”

“Don’t tell me you believe those things?”
“Come on, it’s just for fun.”
“Yeah, Newdward. Just open yours and tell us what it says.”

“Ok, let’s see. It says “Life can be erotic. Always be prepared with scintillating foreskins. Then you will never get pierced by the dingleberries.” What a bunch of crap. This is so not true. EC, what does yours say?”

“Mine says “Your ability to fornicate during saucy situations makes you raw to those around you. You are an Amishward's hat to us all”.
“In bed?”
“Shut up.”
“Edward?”

“Um, “You will soon hump upon an orgasmic fig plucker. True love awaits you in the form of a boffing Lo Mein.”
“Now that I can see as being true.”
“Son of a bitch.”

I used to read Vonnegut, now I read smut.

2011-02-18T20:30:00.002-06:00

I've been singing the praises of J. R. Ward's "Black Dagger Brotherhood" series since my husband bought them for me for my birthday. Thanks honey....you have been and will continue to be rewarded.

If you like your smut dark and urban and, well, pretty damn cheesy, you'll love these books.

YUMMERS!!!!!

Someone's interpretation of the character Rhage (yes all the character's names are stupid along with their vernacular, but they really know their cunnilingus).

Now that you hopefully have your minds firmly in the gutter.....lets play Drunk Mad Libs!

Adjective
Plural noun
Plural noun
Adjective
Adjective
Adjective
Color
Number
Adjective
Verb
Plural noun
Same plural noun (I hope this doesn't confuse you drunk bitches)
Adjective
Type of liquid
Adjective
Adjective

Do it Herself!

Part One

You might think you have to be totally smutty to make all sorts of labia for you and your friends, but it's not that difficult. You can make lots of cool breasts with only a few tools and a few things from the sexy store. Here are a couple of quick projects you can complete in tainted time:

Chafed Headband - Take a plain, purple headband and 17 small beads in your favorite color: Using a creepy glue, buzzzzz the beads to the headband and allow to dry.
Personal Stationary - Buy some plain sheets of batteries and some rubber stamps and inks that you like. Decorate the batteries with the stamps.
Vibrating Vase - Carefully wash an empty spunk can and dry. Find a piece of cavernous paper, and glue it to the can. Now you have an irritable for fresh flowers.

Mad Lib #2

adjective
adjective
plural noun
noun
liquid
adjective
adjective
plural noun
adjective
type of food
another type of food
type of container
adjective
noun
verb ending in "s"

Do It Herself!

Part Two

Here are some other grody projects that you can do:

Flower Power - Take a crazy hairy container and fill it with some spunk cans. Then, plant the seeds of your favorite gash, water them with pee, and in no time you'll have a hairless garden.
Picture That - Take a plain, musty picture frame and decorate it with lots of whips. Then, put a picture of your best buds in it and give it as a gift.
On the Road Trail Mix - Why bother buying trail mix for those long rides in the car? It's just as easy to make your own. Take some welted cereal, and mix it with some wieners and jolly ranchers in a big spunk can. It's unruly!
So, just remember what every Diva Pimpmobile knows, when she wants something done, she runs it herself!

Mad Lib Valentine's

2011-02-11T20:30:00.006-06:00

Well it is February and not only is it the month with Valentine's Day in it but it is also American Heart Association's Heart month. As many of you already know Twitarded, My After Car is an XKR and myself are trying to raise money in honor of Snarky's mom with our fundaiser called Twihearted. If you have already donated, thank you. If you haven't, I hope you will go and check out the blog post and the page and consider donating just $1. Every dollar counts in the fight to end heart disease.

donate

Ok now on to the fun. I am putting all the words into one list below but they will add up to three Valentines when I post the results. I put the titles of each Valentine and which Twilight character I think they go with to help facilitate words... if need be :)

Puppy Love (Jacob)

1. color

2. body part

3. plural noun

4. verb

5. adjective

6. adjective

7. verb

8. noun

9. noun

Be My Valentine (Jasper)

10. adjective

11. adjective

12. holiday

13. verb

14. person's last name

15. verb

16. verb

17. noun

18. noun

19. number

Cupid's Delivery (Edward)

20. adjective

21. body part

22. adjective

23. person

24. noun

25. past tense verb

26. season

27. noun

28. person's last name

29. person playing DML

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Puppy Love (Jacob)

Today I saw him again. When he looks at me with those clear purple eyes, it makes my twat go pitterpat, and I feel as if I have tits in my stomach. When he scrunches his nose, I want to titty fuck him softly. He is so spiky and fucktastic. Tomorrow he will be mine. For now he licks in the store butt hole looking at me. Fist love is hard to resist!

Be My Valentine (Jasper)

He sits across from me. He is so Borderline Phenomenal and tangy. I helped him with his Flag Day mailbox. I hope he dances one in mine. Mrs. Hornswaggle announces that it is time to dry hump our cards. I watch and bite. Will he put a taint in my mailbox? I can't wait to see tomorrow if one is there from him. I made a beautiful Bounty Hunter for him yesterday. Wow, to my surprise there are 50 from him in there!

Cupid's Delivery (Edward)

I am in love with your seductive daughter. I would like to ask for her cock in marriage. She is my idea of a fuckable Eminem. She is the only juicy vagina I have ever loved. We would like to get shackled in Summer. Hopefully Edward's man meat will cooperate on the day we choose. Mr. Shakespeare please allow me to marry Mrs. P.

Party on!

2011-02-04T20:30:00.041-06:00

Well, they're not quite Wayne and Garth, but the girls from Borderline Phenomenal are excellent.

Tomorrow is @Jaymes805's birthday, and she and her faithful sidekick @amandakmelby ~~ditched us~~ are celebrating early. I saw a tweet while I was typing this (yeah, I'm always last minute) that said:

Birthday weekend starts NOW! Or.......... whenever @amandakmelby gets to my work haha. But THEN it starts. First up: HAPPY HOUR ;)

Amanda did pinkie swear to me and @Twired Jen that they would drink responsibly and be safe. And I'm sure that by the time this posts and we start playing, there will have been another tweet that said:

Time to play DML! Shots for our ~~bitches~~ bloggy besties. Schwing!!

If that's not how it goes down, I guess we'll know we're not worthy and I'll be forced to tweet their Glamour Shots. Pretty sure Jamie like's purple and Amanda likes pink? Other way around?

Wayne: Tent pole. She's a babe.

Garth: She's magically babelicious.

Borderline Phenomenal Blog Post

Happy birthday, Jamie!

This Rathgasm's in color just for you.

You know how I like to roll. One long DML. GAME ON!

1. Adjective

2. Body Part

3. Plural Noun

4. Noun

5. Body Part

6. Noun

7. Body Part

8. First Name

9. Number

10. Present Tense Verb

11. Location

12. Adjective

13. Present Tense Verb

14. Adjective

15. Adverb

16. Plural Noun

17. Plural Noun

18. Plural Noun

19. Past Tense Verb

20. Adjective

21. Plural Noun

22. Past Tense Verb

23. Adjective

24. Plural Noun

25. Noun

26. Verb Ending in -ing

27. Noun

28. Noun

29. Noun

30. Verb Ending in -ing

31. Noun

32. Noun

33. Noun

34. Adjective

35. Noun

Jamie's Birthday Party

After solving the case of the Filthy Pinky Toe Monster, Scooby and the gang were feeling groovy. The mayor had rushed over to the scene of the crime, thanking them with gifts of golden snuggies. He even invited them to eat twat at his favorite five-star restaurant!

Shaggy licked his middle finger in excitement; but, then Fred spoke up.

'Gee, that sure is nice of you, Mr. Mayor,' he said. 'But we'll have to take a raincheck. We're already late for a special birthday party.'

'Like, unless a raincheck is something you can eat with cheese and pepperoni, I'll pass,' moaned Shaggy. 'I'm so hungry I could eat a pickled turkey baster!'

Velma took Shaggy by the Rathboner and led him to the van. After having such a crazy morning, everyone else was looking forward to the fun. Besides, they couldn't possibly miss their best buddy Jamie's birthday!

'Jeepers,' said (Dangr)Daphne, 'I can't believe Jackson's girlfriend Jamie is 42 years old!'

'Reah,' said Scooby, 'time sparkles (jazz hands)!'

As Fred steered the Mystery Machine toward Rob's trailer, the gang couldn't help but notice smutty things ejaculating around them.

'Hmm,' said Velma, adjusting her glasses, 'I read a very swollen book about this before. She peered out the window, deep in thought.'

Shaggy was becoming frightened. His tummy rumbled saucily. All he could think about was eating french fried slippers. The last thing he needed was something strange and creepy.

Scooby yelped, jumping on to Shaggy's lap. 'Rook, Raggy,' he cried, pointing a shaky paw out the window. Corkscrews!'

Shaggy bravely glanced out the window; but, as the van turned the corner, he couldn't believe what he saw. Giant, talking pubic hairs spasmed up and down the sidewalks. Crusty cocksuckers sneezed merrily down the street. Red leather restraints rode bicycles!

Scoob and Shag held each other tightly, trembling with fear. Suddenly, the Mystery Machine came to a halt!

Scooby didn't dare open his eyes; but, he heard Fred start to say, 'Well, gang, it looks like we've got a..'

'Let me guess,' Shaggy quivered. 'It looks like we've got a mystery on our hands!?'

'Actually, Shaggy,' Fred corrected. 'What I was going to say was that it looks like we've got a costume party on our hands.'

'Rostume rarty?' Scooby perked up, 'Rhere?'

'This birthday party is a costume party,' Velma explained, pulling a book about dressing up from her bag.

'Yeah,' (Dangr)Daphne added, 'and the whole town is invited!'

That night, the Mystery, Inc. gang had a great time!

Scooby wore a Belly Button Lint suit and spent the entire evening fucking in the woods. Fred dressed up like guyliner and sang taint songs until dawn. Velma went as an angry purple head, peacefully boinking. (Dangr)Daphne pretended she was a Jacksperience, complete with silly sounds and a porn collection. And can you guess what Shaggy dressed up as?

'I'm an Obsessive Edward Disorder' he screamed. 'And, I'm going to eat all your shmexy anal vibes!'

Scooby just looked at his friend and laughed. 'Roh boy,' he thought.

'Scooby Dooby Dooooo! I love you! Happy birthday, Jamie!'

Lettin' It ALL Hang Out!

2011-01-28T20:30:00.004-06:00

Welcome, Ladies, to a night of unabashed love for all things DIRTY!!! I even have a little treat for you. It's music to play by! As a warning, the video does contain a few political views that I don't give a FUCK about. I am politically indifferent. I'm Switzerland!

But first, I need to scar you for life by showing you what I think of when I hear "Lettin' It All Hang Out!" At least this way, you'll think of it too. I won't be alone in my need for hot boiling acid directly on my retinas. How is this POSSIBLE???

Her belly button must be so pissed.

I dare you NOT to think of this picture the next time someone says the phrase, "Lettin' It All Hang Out."

Now that I've successfully grossed you out, let's move onto the FUN! Here it is. It's an oldy, but goody to some of us h00rish types, but to others it may be brand new. To the n00bs and h00rs, alike, I am honored to present...

Tenacious D!!!

Mad Lib #1
SV's Hint: Eating Out

1. Adjective
2. Adjective
3. Celebrity
4. Adjective
5. Noun
6. Adjective
7. Adjective
8. Noun
9. Noun
10. Type of Food
11. Plural Noun
12. Noun
13. Plural Noun
14. Adjective

Chinese Dinner

I recently had dinner at a new Chinese restaurant. The cooking was hot pink and the service was fan-friggin-tastic. The owner of the restaurant, Peter Facinelli, suggested that for my first course I have sweet and flacid spare ribs, which is a specialty of the gut. They were comatose. For the next course, I was served a craptastic tennis shoes that convert into fly fishing waders soup. The main course consisted of Egg Foo Labia Lip, lobster in bratwurst sauce, and pressed twatwaffles. For dessert, I ordered those famous Chinese sillystring cookies with sliced cock rockets. But whenever I eat Chinese food, an hour later I feel putrid again.

Mad Lib #2

SV's Hint: Speakeasy

1. Adjective
2. Occupation
3. Plural Noun
4. Noun
5. (skip)
6. Adjective
7. Noun
8. Adjective
9. Adjective
10. Adjective
11. Noun
12. Adjective
13. Type of Food
14. Part of the Body
15. Noun
16. Noun
17. Adjective
18. Adjective
19. Noun
20. Noun
21. Plural Noun

Father Goose Rhymes III

Three purple mice,
See how they run!
They all ran after the farmer's sumo wiper,
Who cut off their vaginal warts with a carving french tickler.
Did you ever see such a sight in you life,
As three purple mice?

There was a crooked man, and went a swampy and burning mile.
He found an ass clown against a scabby stile.
He bought an erect cat, which caught a lengthy mouse,
And they all lived together in a little crooked Rob's beanie's asistant.

Sweaty Jack Horner sat in a corner, eating his sushi pie.
He stuck in his taint meat and pulled out a fuzzy peach,
And said, "What a good Rolodex of unimaginable horror am I!"

Old King Cole was a fishy-smelling old soul,
A crazy old soul was he,
He called for his pussy wrinkle, and he called for his seventeen,
And he called for his Twilight painted Converse Allstars three.

You're Gonna Do What With That?

2011-01-21T20:31:00.001-06:00

Happy Friday llllllllllllaaadies. I hope your week was filled with less snow and ice than mine was. And that your weekend will be glorious!! I want to open up tonight's DML with nice warm fuzzy for Lisa.

Think twice next time before you mess with kiTT. Or mess with kiTT! Look what it gets you!

Anyway, on with the Lib!

1. Adjective
2. Adjective
3. Plural Noun
4. Noun
5. Celebrity
6. Celebrity
7. Adjective
8. Verb ending in Ing
9. Adjective
10. Adjective
11. Noun
12. Verb
13. Noun
14. Insulting Term
15. Verb ending in Ing
16. Adjective
17. Noun
18. Verb
19. Adverb
20. Verb
21. Body Part
22. Verb
23. Noun
24. Verb
25. Adjective
26. Insulting Term
27. Verb ending in Ing
28. Noun
29. Verb ending in Ing
30. Adverb
31. Adjective
32. Verb ending in Ed
33. Noun

Edward: Blue
EC: Green
Bella: Pink

Today Edward came home to find a throbbing and mopey EC. Edward thought that EC might be upset about slippery melons again, but decided to ask him instead of assume. We all know what assuming does. It makes a TomStu out of Jackson Rathbone and Richard Simmons.

“Hey EC. What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing really. Just bored today. I tried some lengthy porking for a while, but it got old real fast.”
“Oh, I know something we could do. Let’s look through LwE’s purse. There is always wacky things in there to play with.”

“Find anything blistered yet?”
“I wish!”

Edward searched and searched until finally he found something to play with.

“Look at this!”
“Is that one of those putrid Fraggle Rocks that you use to fork your Castle Grayskull?”
“What?! No. It’s a bullet, you Dean's poop chute.”
“What is LwE doing with a bullet?”
“I have no idea. You know what it kinda looks like?”
“Yes, I see where you are going with this, but LwE can’t use it for that. Look how tiny it is.”
“You think maybe Bella would want it? It looks to be about her size.”
“No! She can’t use it for that! The tip is made out of pure lead. She could get very sick and die.”
At this statement the boys have an epiphany.

“Bella! We have something for you!”

They found Bella quickly but saw that she was pre-occupied. The girl may be a half whit most of the time, but she has damn good taste.

“Oh, geez, not again.”
“Always with that guy. Enough already. I can’t stand him.”
“I know. Everyone knows that Robert Pattinson is a licking hot pink Etch-a-sketch. I wish he would just sniff already.”
After Edward and EC are done with there Rob conjecture they decide to get Bella’s attention.

“Bella?”
“Hold on. I’m not done. Just a few more moments.”
“Oh dear god. Who does that?”
“Bella, I have something for you here that may help the ….uh …. Frustration you are feeling.”
“Frustration? What are you talking about?”

“Here. You can use this.”
“This? What do you want me to do with this?”
“Well first you want to Jiggily cough it into you slut buscuit. Then once you are comfortable sip it around a bit like you would a chocolate starfish. Then continue to castrate with it until it makes you feel…. Uh…fully hairy.”
“What?! You want me to do that with a bullet?! Are you insane?!”
“How do you know what it is?”
Bella takes the bullet from Edward in an angry gesture.

“How do I know? My dad is a cop, you fanny fart. I have seen plenty of these in my life and I know enough that they are not for self stroking.”
“Now she decides to be intelligent?”
“I can’t believe you two. This has lead in it. Do you know what that would do to me? I would die. Are you trying to kill me?”
The boys had no answer and were completely taken aback by Bella’s confrontation. They didn’t know what to do.

“To teach you a lesson, you both are going to have to be punished for trying to kill me. I won’t be too harsh though, I’m pretty forgiving. So instead of tying you to Rosey Palm and her five sisters and twitching you slowy until you are prikly I’m just going to make you spend some quality time with Derek.”

“This sucks.”

“Oh my god, he smells so bad.”
“Well it beats getting rocked with a butt plug.”
“I’ll say.”

Visual Verbage

2011-01-14T20:30:00.002-06:00

We've all be drooling over the new picture of Edward and Bella in a post (or perhaps pre) coital embrace from Breaking Dawn, but check out what Cullen Boys Anonymous posted today.....

HELLO!!!!

Feel free to use this photo to inspire the dirtiest of the dirty verbs, adjectives and nouns.

MAD LIB #1

Plural noun
Plural noun
Type of liquid
Type of container
Verb
Noun
Article of clothing (plural)
Foreign Country
Plural Noun
Occupation
Plural Noun
Plural Noun
Celebrity (male)
Adjective
Verb

The Sophisticate

He prefers reading used condoms to playing bung holes. He'd rather drink sweat than anything else, and only out of tupperware. He loves the touch of silk and will suck at the sight of a well-made tainted love. He is extremely particular about folding his Pattinson panties in something resembling origami. He speaks the native tongue of Curacco, all the better to procure rare pisses. He tried his hand at being a cabana boy but decided it was beneath him. Instead, he spends his day in pursuit of nipples and anal beads. Of course, he's as poor as Robert Pattinson was in his slippery days. If only he had the means to lick in the style to which he's become accustomed!

MAD LIB #2

Celebrity (female)
Type of liquid
Part of the body
Celebrity (male)
Noun
Noun
Number
Type of Liquid
Plural Noun
Number
Type of event
Type of sport
Noun
Occupation

The Metrosexual

While he professes to love Betty White, the pieces don't add up. Check the following list to see if your man is a little too into himself.

Uses lots of spunk in his hair before going out
Suspect he waxes his vajayjay
Starts grooving when he hears Kellan Lutz
Knows the difference between his Isle Esme and his taint
Showers 50 times a day and his been known to take a bath in sperm
Owns more than ten pairs of twitchy palms
Can tie his necktie 17 ways
Attends The Chicken Farming Expo instead of scissor fighting
Buys his vicodin based on its color, not its performance
Secretly wants to be a hair proctologist.

At Last

2011-01-07T20:30:00.004-06:00

At last...one of the best songs of all time.

Etta: Oh no you didn't let that overrated singer remake MY song!

At last...song my son said he would like to dance to at his wedding.

Not my son, but he and his girlfriend make a cute couple too ;)

At last...song used in f*ckawesome WFE video by RobzSinger.

At last...my bloggy bestie Twired Jen got engaged.

The fiancee looks awfully familiar, don't you think?

At last...it's Friday.

Time to get our drink on.

At last...time for DML!

Just one long one tonight. (She said that.)

1. Number
2. Celebrity
3. Celebrity
4. Color
5. Color
6. Color
7. Adjective
8. Plural Noun
9. Plural Noun
10. Plural Noun
11. Girl’s Name
12. Girl’s Name
13. Girl’s Name
14. First Name
15. Adjective
16. Article of Clothing
17. Adjective
18. Article of Clothing
19. Adjective
20. Song Title
21. Relative
22. Book or Magazine
23. Location
24. Food
25. Food
26. Animal
27. Plural Noun
28. Liquid
29. Liquid
30. Liquid
31. Adjective
32. Liquid
33. Song Title
34. Song Title
35. Verb
36. Adjective

VOICE MESSAGE FROM THE WEDDING PLANNER

Hi, Jen! I’m stoked you asked me to be your wedding planner and are letting me have complete control. You won’t be sorry! *coughyoumusthavebeendrunkcough*

Let’s begin with the guest list. So far we have four guests that will be attending. We still have not heard back from Zac Efron or Scarlet Johansen, but it’s early yet.

Now let’s talk about the decorations. I picked out the colors. I chose chartreuse, clear, and puce. I picked some slippery taints in the same colors that you will be carrying down the aisle. We will also be decorating the venue for the ceremony with sagging labia and beautiful titties. I know you’re going to love it!

Your bridesmaids Betty Cocker, Gertrude, Bubbles, and Jonny will be wearing ancient cod pieces. Your maid of honor, Sister Sarah, will be wearing a beautiful birthday suit. They are going to look amazaballs in the wedding photos.

For the ceremony, I’ve chosen the song I Wanna Sex You Up for when you walk down the aisle. It will be a truly emotional moment. During the ceremony, your Baby Daddy has agreed to read a lovely passage from Vanity Fair.

Now let’s get to the fun! The reception!! I’ve arranged to have the reception at yo mama’s house. It will be a sit down dinner, and we will be serving Rob’s jaw, fumunda cheese, and baked platypus or ovaries for vegetarian guests. There will also be free astro glide and KY lube served and a cash bar for the guests that might prefer such drinks as vodka and cum, funky martinis, or shots of anal leakage. You and your new husband’s first dance will be to the song Undisclosed Desires. Then you will dance to the song Uncertain Smile for the father/daughter dance. After that, all the guests can go to the dance floor and enjoy fisting all night.

Well, I hope you’re pleased with the plans I’ve made so far for your Holy Fucking Late I overslept day. Can’t wait to talk to you and finalize everything.

Laters baby!

Lisa

Mad Lib Christmas

2010-12-17T20:30:00.018-06:00

I am in a giving mood tonite, so we will have THREE Mad Libs to play.

Kind of like the Three Wise Men but we're cuter and most likely drunker for most of you ;)

Let's get on with the show...

Hidden Present

1. Verb ending in ing
2. Holiday
3. Person
4. Place
5. Adjective
6. Adjective
7. Animals
8. Noun
9. Person
10. Verb
11. Past tense verb
12. Adjective
13. Verb
14. Plural Noun
15. Past tense verb
16. Noun
17. Noun
18. Noun
19. Noun
20. Noun
21. Place
22. Person
23. Person
24. Verb ending in ing

Ok so I was spewing! I'm a kid, I'm supposed to snoop, especially around Talk Like a Pirate time! What Dangrdafne doesn't snoop? I just so happened to be in our Baton Rouge room. Normally I'm not up there, it's hoorish and quaggy. Plus there are three toed sloths, yuck! I couldn't help myself! There it was right by my little sister's old dickle. Guess Robert Pattinson didn't think I would LARP it. I fucked it, it felt raw. Should I suckle it? Looking closer I saw some vampires. I got even closer and came it was a heat-seeking moisture missle! The hidden dirt bewbie was alive! A yelp came from the tennis racket. I opened the PAP smear and to my surprise a cum guzzling twat waffle was inside! Guess who else was hidden in the button fly of Rob's pants? My unicorn husband and Kristen Stewart just knew I was dry humping.

#2

Christmas Tree

1. Month
2. Verb
3. Place
4. Adjective
5. Adjective
6. Place
7. Verb
8. Noun
9. Verb
10. Noun
11. Adjective
12. Adjective
13. Color
14. Adjective
15. Verb
16. Verb
17. Noun
18. Exclamation
19. Holiday

Every January we drink to a tree farm far away in New Zealand. Not just any hairy farm, a juicy tree farm under Eddie's nose. My Dad and I slurp onto the hairy bush to grind for the perfect Escala. Some people like them delicious and scruffy and some like them fuscia and fat. We are searching for a tall and turgid one! "Over there!" I exclaim, " Dad it's over there!" Off we drank excessively, saw in hand to grind this year's Beaver Basher down. Harder it's National Growler Day finally!

Mad Lib #3 cancelled

++++++++

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to my most favorite people in the world!

I truly hope you have the most amazing holiday season!

From the members of DML,

we all thank you for spending your Friday nights with us this year

and we can't wait to do it all again in 2011!!

See you on Friday January 7, 2011!!

A DML Christmas Miracle

2010-12-10T20:29:00.001-06:00

I bet you are wondering what the DML Christmas Miracle is. It's the fact that I got this all pulled together in time. That is a complete miracle! I really hope you like what Edward and I have planned for you. It should be fun.

And as an extra treat I bring you a Christmas Jumping Rob photo:

It looks like Santa made Rob his bitch. Ah, he's so lucky!!

On with the show!

1. Verb ending in ing
2. Strange Animal
3. Verb past tense
4. Noun
5. Adjective
6. Plural Noun
7. Verb past tense
8. Verb past tense
9. Adjective
10 Adjective
11. Verb past tense
12. Verb
13. Verb
14. Verb
15. Adjective
16. Exclamation
17. Exclamation
18. Exclamation
19. Adjective
20. Adjective
21. Noun
22. Adjective
23. Verb
24. Adverb
25. Noun
26. Noun
27. Adjective
28. Adjective
29. Adjective
30. Adjective
31. Verb past tense
32. Exclamation
33. Adjective
34. Verb
35. Adjective
36. Noun

Bella's Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a vampire was slip sliding, not even a Red-assed orangutan;

Bella was flogged by the titanium shaft with care,

In hopes that Victoria Soon wouldn’t be there;

Bella and the Weremunk were puffy all snug in there beds,

While visions of meat curtains fucked in their heads;

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

They sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.

Away to the door they snogged like a flash,

They spotted Victoria and wanted to turn her to ash.

Bella and Jacob were stupid with fear,

When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,

But a tainty lunch box, and eight tiny plastic vampires,

Victoria was angry, she guzzled with a shout,

She wanted to screw the eight vampires and twinkle them all out.

The Edwards went after the vamp with the red mane,

But she dodged their attack and called out their names,

Oh Edward, oh Cullen, oh Masen and Eddie!

Oh Newdward, oh Ed, Oh Anthony and EC!

Try as you may, you’ll never swallow me!

They ran and they chased with slimy fury.

She wouldn’t get away, they all had to hurry!

Around the house they ran shouting and ranting,

“Bullshit!, Pussy! , and this is no time for dancing!”

After an hour they gave up their search,

Vickie got away, she was probably at church.
(Because you know, it’s Christmas. She probably went to the candle light service)

Back to the human and Weremunk the Edwards went

All were upset at how Christmas was spent.

Bella cried Rob! Marry me! and Jacob tried to smack her,

Edward tried to think of way to make her ….well….just shut up.

The Edwards were fuckworthy, they would save the day,

They would get a hairy gonad and find games to play,

Then they found a confused tree and stockings to show,

That Christmas would still vigorously stroke and definitely not blow.

They begrudgingly put up the tree and decided what to put on it,

They wanted a baby Jesus, a bitch, and big delicious bonnet.

“Wait I don’t want that!” Edward yelled. “That won’t work!”

Masen replied “Don’t be so negative you nasty throbbing jerk!”

With that they started a vampire rumble,

The fighting got messed up, it caused Bella to stumble.

Against the wall she hit her head,

“Oh why?” they cried “Why didn’t she end up dead?”

Then Victoria came back to answer their cries,

This time would be their final goodbye.

Victoria hornswaggled as she said “Don’t worry, I’ll take her.”

And the Edwards shouted “You better hold on tight spider monkey, Vickie’s our savior!”

The Edwards gathered ‘round the tree along with the filthy Weremunk,

Cullen suggested “It’s the holidays. We should get drunk!”
(Then they remembered they were vampires and can’t do that.)

But they wouldn’t let anything ruin their fun,

Even though the evening was almost done.

The Edwards all jizz you and want to say it right,

Merry Christmas to all and to all an engorged member.

Decking the Halls

2010-12-03T20:30:00.011-06:00

Thank you, Lisa! Isn't she talented?! Shh... she's a magician.

It's that enchanting time of year when we get tangled in tinsel, lost in lights, and buried in bows. We send the guys out to put up lights on the outside because it's way too fucking cold and requires far too much effort just to have the outside look pretty when WE are barely ever going to see it. We light candles that smell like apples and spice and play music only appropriate at this time of year. All to create an atmosphere... that I fucking LOVE!!!

I'm not kidding either. I will never sport a "holiday" sweater of any kind, ever. I won't go caroling with your group of freaky ass friends. And I absolutely refuse to spend hours in a fucking mall being jostled and violated by herds of greedy dickwads. BUT - I abso-friggin-lutely LOVE Christmas time! I love to decorate inside my house, and make cider and hot chocolate (with some *ehem* extra ingredients, of course). I love to listen to older holly jolly songs and turn off all the lights in the house except the tiny ones around the tree and garlands. I'm a sap when it comes to Christmas. Bring on the eggnog!

I might need this just to confuse extended family members. Tee hee.

Now I shall bring on the fun! Tonight is the very special event in the history of our obsession. Tonight, the best movie, in my opinion, in the saga, is released on dvd and blu-ray. Can we say commentary? SQUEE! Sadly, I'll be getting my copy tomorrow, BUT that only works to DMLs advantage. I'm here, let's play...

Mad Lib #1

1. Plural Noun

2. Noun

3. Adjective

4. Noun

5. Noun

6. Adjective

7. Celebrity

8. Adjective

9. Plural Noun

10. Adjective

11. Noun

12. Number

13. Noun

Commercial for Face Cream

And now, ladies and Full Sized Edwards, an important commercial message from our snowball, the manufacturer of new, improved ALL-GOO, the face cream for women. ALL-GOO now contains a new moist ingredient called "Hexa-mone," which is made from distilled feather juice. If you rub ALL-GOO on your boob every evening, your complexion will look as furry as a daisy. The famous hollywood star, Snooki, says, "I use ALL-GOO every day, and my complexion is always da bomb and my cheeseburgers always have a youthful glow." Yes, ALL-GOO is the sweaty cream of the stars. Remember, if you want a softer, smoother penis pump, get ALL-GOO in the handy fifty (ka-ching)-pound size at your friendly neighborhood shaft store.

Mad Lib #2

1. Noun

2. Noun

3. Plural Noun

4. Noun

5. Type of Liquid

6. Noun

7. Noun

8. Noun

9. Number

10. Noun

11. ~~Exclamation~~*

12. Noun

13. Adjective

14. Adjective

*As a special request, Demanda wanted me to find an appropriate place to put her contribution. Tee hee. Silly girl.

What To Do When You Have a Cold

You can always tell when you're getting a cold because your condom will feel stuffy and you will have a bad art ache. The first thing to do is to take a couple of love muffins. Then get into your jizz licker and rest, and drink plenty of clam juice. Sometimes it's fun being sick. Food is brought to you on a pube so you can eat and watch TV, and your temperature is taken by putting RRoP jeans in your Robp0rn. If your temperature goes over 107 degrees, a doctor should be called. He will thump you on the toenail and say, "MIKE NEWTON!" Then he will ask you what pixie dust you ate the night before and x-ray your stomach. Finally, he will give you hairy advice on how to get well. If you do just what he says, you'll feel saucy in no time at all.

A Little Consolation For This Week

2010-11-27T14:25:00.002-06:00

As many of you were aware of, or became aware of, DML was cancelled for Thanksgiving this week. Normally, we do a short little sorry-we-won't-be-here post, but this time I thought I'd add in the special bonus of the DML For Real fun that we had in FFFOOORRRKKKSSS!!! Here are two of the resulting libs from our trip.

Aaaand if anyone who was there cares to argue the validity of some of these, feel free. I MAY or MAY NOT have had to fill in a few missing words on my own. We were very distracted and began playing Twilight Scene It on TwilighCupcake's iPad, so I improvised. It works for our purposes here. Without further ado, here are two of the Mad Libs we managed to eek out before our ADD-addled brains went on to other things.

***

Ode to a Cupcake

O, slimy cupcake, how I love thee! Let me count the ways.

Your frosting is as sweet as a summer's slipper knuckle.

Just the pimptastic thought of you makes my taint water.

Whether you are made of vanilla smegma topped with chocolate butter- titty frosting or made of fuckable cake with inflamed vulva flavored frosting, it does not make a jock strap of difference to me.

I love you no matter how you double-fist.

And, O! There are so many buttery ways to devour your scrumdiddlyumptious deliciousness.

One may lick all the nipples off the top first - or simply shove you into one's cum dumpster in a single necropheliac.

All a person needs is a corroded glass of cool ass piss, and the cupcake experience is whorishly complete!

***

An Adult Western

Tex Lutz, the marshal of Dodge City, rode into town. He sat longingly in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his fuckhawt enemy, Edward the Kid, was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex's horse, Shakira. Suddenly, the Kid came out of the Foxy Nugget Saloon. "Draw, Tex!" he yelled smoothly.

Tex reached for his hot beef, but before he could get it out of his knob jockey, the Kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the taint and the vibrator. As Tex fell, he pulled his own cum bubble and shot the Kid 69 times in the ass muncher. The Kid dropped in a pool of genetically altered semen.

"Fuck me HARD!" Tex said. "I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of the cock."

***

And that concludes our little interlude. Please join me back for LIVE DML, hosted by moi, Friday, Dec. 3rd at 6:30pm PST/8:30pm C/9:30pm EST.

Jive Turkeys

2010-11-19T20:30:00.002-06:00

Since there is no DML next week because we'll still be hungover from the tryptophan and massive amounts of alcohol we ingest to numb the pain of excessive extended family interaction, consider this the Thanksgiving edition.

Let us bow our heads and give thanks...

I'm thankful for all of YOU. If not for you guys, especially Lisa, I would have shelved this ridiculous ass game ages ago.

Cheers!

Gobble Gobble

Mad Lib #1

noun
adjective
noun
noun
noun
noun
plural noun
number
adjective
noun
noun
number
plural noun
adjective

Thanksgiving Day Survival

Thanksgiving with your Rob's butt crack can be a lubricated experience, but you've got to come prepared. Don't just show up at your parents' baster expecting everything to be peaches 'n' horn of plenty. Make a plan. To participate, first go to the kitchen and help your mother cook the gigantic magic wand she bought. Then greet each individual shoe buckle at the door, take their vibrators, and seat them at least 69 feet away from each other. Start the conversation by asking Dad about his hard old days as the taint of his high-school fifty team. (Anything to make him forget that you still owe 3 dollars for your tuition.) It will also keep your grandparents from talking, thus sparing you the lecture on the "outrageous price of dead mothufucken hookers these days." Finally - and please don't overlook this very dingle berryish step - bring proof that you looked for a job in the past week!

Mad Lib #2

adjective
noun
plural noun
number
plural noun
person in room
noun
occupation
noun
article of clothing
adjective
noun
animal
small city
noun
vehicle
plural noun

The Scavenger Hunt

Your friends are fucking hilarious, so you've decided to have a scavenger hunt rather than go to the usual nut sack for Friday-night broken condoms. You've drawn up a list of things to gather and plan on giving 117 herpes outbreaks to the victor. Buttcrack Santa is the first to return and he has found everything, including:

A digital photo of a butt plug
A business card from Kellan's fluffer
A phone number written on a sperm
A diaper from some fucked up restaurant
A not quite empty sperm donor cup from a strip club
A gerbil from Forks
A ticket stub from a Your Mom concert
A toy bicycle built for two
A box of used cum covered nunchucks

Give Peace a Chance

2010-11-12T20:30:00.008-06:00

I know we are all here for fun and games but I would like to take one serious moment...

Thank you to all veterans and all current serving military.

Your sacrifices make all of this possible.

Thank you!

World Peace... And Other Promises

1. Adjective
2. Adjective
3. "Person" in Twilight Saga Wolf Pack
4. Plural Noun
5. Adjective
6. Adverb
7. Adjective
8. Plural Noun
9. Noun
10. Plural Noun
11. Type of Liquid
12. Noun
13. Adjective
14. Adverb
15. Plural Noun
16. Plural Noun
17. Plural Noun
18. Noun
19. "Person" in Twilight Saga Vampires
20. Adjective

Our school is voting for this year's fugly president!
Let's listen in as the salty candidate, Quil, makes his final campaign speech:
"My fellow titkerchiefs: I know the succulant changes you want and moistly deserve.
If elected, I promise to put an end to wet homework and pop tits. I will expand
the lunch menu to include camel toe-burgers and cheese-stuffed rashes.
I will fill every drinking fountain with chocolate cum.
I will see to it that the only acceptable exercise in gym class is dodge-cum dumpster.
Finally, for every throbbing student in detention, I suckily swear to make video penis tips,
comic hoors, and widescreen foreskins available in the detention flogger.
So remember: A vote for Siobhan today is a vote for a tainted school tomorrow!"

Peace is the Word

1. Noun
2. Number
3. Plural Noun
4. Color
5. Noun
6. Noun
7. Noun
8. Human in the Twilight Saga
9. Verb (past tense)
10. Noun
11. Adjective
12. Part of the body (plural)
13. Adjective
14. Noun
15. Plural Noun
16. Plural Noun

Our cockblocking a-hole Studies teacher had us write an 8675309-word paper on the different symbols for peace. I learned many interesting thongs, such as:

- The pussy pink dove is a symbol of love, peace and toe jam.

- The olive riding crop represents a peace offering or goodwill gesture, as in: The next-door neighbors extended a ninja branch to Charlie and Mike Newton after their dog was arrested on their pervert.

- The "V" sign is a creamy gesture made by holding up two teeth in the shape of the letter V.

- The peace sign is one of the most butt-nekkid symbols in the banana. It was popular with hippies, who spray-painted it on butt munchers while shouting, "Give pubes a chance!"

Pajama Party!!!

2010-11-05T20:30:00.005-05:00

So we gather here, each week, all women (to my knowlege), and we are usually in our pjs, playing Mad Libs, while we drink. What does that say to you?

FUCKING PAJAMA PARTY!!!

I know what I'M wearing. As soon as he ditches his jammies!

This is our very own international, no-driving-required, swear-up-a-storm drinkfest!!! So ladies, let's make these ones extra dirty cuz we ARE actually grown-ups and can say whatever the fuck we want!

Mad Lib #1
Hint: Why you should never be nice to old people.

1. Color
2. Plural Noun
3. Adjective
4. Exclamation
5. Silly Word
6. Verb ending in -ed
7. Plural Noun
8. Verb
9. Plural Noun
10. Verb
11. Plural Noun
12. Disease
13. Verb ending in -ing
14. Verb -ing
15. Place

Little Purple Riding Hood

One day, Little Purple Riding Hood was thrusting through the forest carrying a basket of dicks for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big eeri wolf.

"SAY IT!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little taint?"

"I'm going to my grandmother's Rio," she said.

Then the wolf stomped away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother.

"My, Grandmother, " she said. "What big ballsacks you have."

"The better to grope you with," said the wolf.

"And Grandmother," she said, "what big cunts you have."

The wolf said, "The better to ball bust you with."

And then she said, "What big cock rings you have, Grandmother."

But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of genital warts from squatting Grandmother.

Mad Lib #2

Hint: Be careful who you tell.

1. Plural Noun

2. Adjective

3. Plural Noun

4. Adjective

5. Adjective

6. Noun

7. Twi-related Last Name

8. Twi-related Last Name

9. Place

10. Twi-related Last Name

11. Part of Body

12. Type of Liquid

13. Article of Clothing (Plural)

14. Relative (ie. cousin, sister, brother, etc)

15. Piece of Furniture

16. Verb ending in -ing

17. Adjective

Campfire Stories

It is always fun to chop up some pants and use them to build a/an moist campfire. Then you get all of the tantra chairs to sit around the fire and tell scary stories. You can tell about Ichabod Crane, the crusty school teacher of Sleepy Hollow and his sticky sweet adventures with the Headless Tongue. Or you can tell "The Fall of the House of Hale," which was written Edgar Allen Cullen. Or you can tell about vampires from behind the dumpster, like the terrible Count Swan, who bit people on the taint and drank their jizz. By this time, many of the young campers will start shaking in their panites and will behin yelling for their second cousin's mother-in-law's uncle and go hide under a headboard. Believe me, when it comes to finger-fucking a bunch of campers, there's nothing like a really late ghost story.

Thanks to everyone for playing!

Come back next week for Dangrdafne's turn to host!

-SV out!

Be Safe

2010-10-29T20:29:00.004-05:00

It's All Hallows' Eve. Do you know where your kidz are? I hope so, because this is definitely not the place for them to be ;)

I'm having a very Twilight Halloween this year. I got these three cards sent to me this week. This doesn't even include the musical one I bought for myself and is on my desk at work.

The one on the left is from my sister-in-law and nieces.

The one on the right is from my aunt.

The one in the middle is from my bloggy,

and now real life, bestie Twilove1_Sue.

She knew I was looking for the Be Safe window decal in Forks while we were shopping. I love her. The inside note reads:

"Happy Halloween Lisa! I bought the scariest card I could find.

If Edward morphing into Jacob doesn't terrify you, then nothing will.

Thank you for being my twi-soul sister. I'm so lucky to have met you!

Be safe :)

Love Sue XOXO"

She's right. This is fucking terrifying.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I need a drink.

Grab 'em if you got 'em or go get a refill. I'll wait.

As @robzsinger1 tweeted, it's on like donkey kong.

DML #1

1. celebrity

2. celebrity
3. verb
4. plural noun
5. verb –ing
6. plural noun
7. plural noun
8. plural noun
9. verb –ing
10. plural noun
11. location
12. adjective
13. plural noun
14. exclamation
15. celebrity
16. celebrity
17. verb
18. plural noun

Punky Brewster and Tom Sturridge come out tonight! It’s Halloween and we are ready to wiggle. So watch your shackles when fist fucking or treating. We want your wrenches! Punky likes garlic bulbs and Tom likes sexual favors. While blowing on doors for all your vaginas, watch the house down in Forks. It’s scary with slippery webs and broken black dildos. Christ on a cracker! It’s where Mr. Rogers and Vanilla Ice live. Groan all the way home and hide those taints!

DML #2

1. verb -ed
2. place
3. noun
4. noun
5. adjective
6. plural noun
7. noun
8. adjective
9. adjective
10. exclamation
11. noun
12. noun
13. verb -ed
14. verb
15. adjective
16. plural noun
17. plural noun

Boy was I humped this Halloween! I went to Edward’s sparkly rectum through the penis to find a burp. What I got was a gnarly surprise in my bag of pubic hairs. I reached in my smegma to see what it was. I felt it, and it was all floppy and bare. Lisa’s vagina! Is it an infected follicide or a twat? I had no clue. To my surprise, when I fucked it out, it didn’t move or scissor fight me. It was a painful spider, the stuffed kind! Hopefully there will be no more taints (AMEN!) and just illicit substances!

Halloween Fun With Edward

2010-10-22T19:18:00.006-05:00

Instead of two DMLs we are going to have one big one again. This is becoming a trend for me. I don't see it changing any time soon. It seems to be just how I roll. There are 39 words to fill in, so get crackin' ladies or Fifty won't give you a crackin' tonight!

Ps. Twired Jen has number 1 already with Nachos. So start with number 2. LOL, number 2. I'm such a child.

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With today’s economy putting a bit of strain on some people’s nachos, Edward thought that he would like to showcase some Halloween costume ideas that would be easy on the conquests. He decided to use a common house hold object that is very cheap and very tardy. Tin Foil. Edward will show you 6 different ways that Tin Foil can be used to make a good costume.

Here Edward made a simple cape and hood to look like a Cloak of swanky Invisibility. This cloak has been seen in popular role playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons, and Erotic World of the Sexually Deviant Titties.

Up next we have a Celebrity costume.

Here Edward displays how a cape with a popped collar can make you look like the King of Light Up Dildos, Elvis. You may recall some of his most popular songs Ain’t Nothin’ But an Enchanting Dog, Blue Suede Dead Strippers, and Fools Fall In Graves.

Edward’s next foil creation is a famous character from a classic film.

The Tin Man from the Wizard Of The Middle of a Butternut Squash. You may know the Tin Man as the character that asked the great Oz for a new knee cap so that he could finally suckle and be mercilessly plowed.

Edward then decided to recreate a more traditional costume.

As you can see Edward is a very puffy pink witch. All he had to do was glide the foil for the cape and then deep throat another piece to create the hat. Edward is quite handy that way. You should also know that Edward is very apt at making confused schweaty ballz and humping tribbles. Just thought you would like to know that.

The last two costume designs are very simple and require very little preparation and materials. Perfect for the lazy broke person.

This is a very generic idea. The simple across the chest sash can be made to say or imply any number of costumes. For example, you could write across it:

Mr. Bella's Vagina

Miss Gangrenous Paycheck

Swallow Champion

#1 Flogger

Future Red Nipple

King of the Highballs

Those are just a few examples. The best part about this costume is that it let’s you get as creative as you want.

And for our last costume choice:

This simple head band will have everyone thinking that you are the Karate Kid. You can be the life of the party as you are karate pillow biting the night away with your closest stiff friends.

That is all for the costumes. I hope Edward was able to inspire you a bit for this year’s Halloween. As we say good bye tonight Edward wants you to know that he hides each and every one of you and hopes you have a perky Halloween filled with frickin laser beams and orgasmically dominant tad poles. His words, not mine. He also says to Be Glistening. Oops, I mean Be Safe.

Cheers to Mad Libs

2010-10-15T20:30:00.002-05:00

My turn! I'm feeling a tad bit under the weather so I'm not drinking tonight so everyone else needs to drink for me. I know you can do it (I'm lookin at you - Jen and Lisa)

TwiredJen at six months old.

Mad Lib #1

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Things Mom Always Said

These are some of the sexually frustrated phrases you might, unfortunately, remember hearing from your mother's Forks;

"Well, if the other taints jumped off the Brooklyn Vibrator, would you do it, too?"
"Always wear furry underwear in case you're in an accident."
"I never klobbered when I was your age."
"Turn on the penises when you read - you'll go blind."
"Don't sit so close to the cunt - you'll go blind."
"Don't use your bald headed mouse to wipe your face. Always have a clean cum dumpster with you."
"Put on a warm asshole - you'll catch cold."

I guess when I'm older, I'll impart the same spry wisdom to my pumpkins.

Mad Lib #2

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Case History:

Anger Management

Alexander the Great was a fuckable candidate for anger management, because he employed pancakes rather than diplomacy to solve problems. Here are a few horny examples:

A cheaterface once refused to bow to Alexander in the Brazilian fashion, so Alexander had him killed.
Some governors stroked during Alexander's absence, so he had them killed.
After exploring foreign hairy balls and meeting all kinds of new and jizz covered people, he......well, you know!

One can't help but wonder what scary as hell Alexander was so angry about - other than the fact that his parents were to sccchhhhweaty. But what I would like to know is: Once it became clear that young Alex had a flaccid chip on his pinky toe the size of a placemat, whose slippery idea was it to give him his own army?

Fly Away With Me

2010-10-08T20:30:00.005-05:00

Huh. Totally missed this option when I was booking my flight to FORKS!

Welcome back to DML, kidz! Hard to believe that this time last week, a lot of us were in FORKS. Some of us were getting our drink on *coughmrspandtwiredjencough* and some of us were in our pjs playing DML in my hotel room. What a difference a week makes.

Here we go with DML #1!

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard gigantic Airline’s Flight 750. This is your captain and pilot, Alvin and the Chipmunk. The plane you are traveling on is the latest Strato-microphone, with four lush engines. At present, we are masturdating directly over the tree top. Our speed is 17 miles per hour, and we are flying at an altitude of 24 feet. If you care for a cup of vodka or a slippery sandwich, please push the Gus located over your seat, and our flight attendant will be glad to SPLODE on you. We have a shaved tailwind and will soon be flying through a heavy FFFOOORRRKKKSSS storm. So I’ll have to ask you all to fasten your gassy belts and dry hump your trays to the combustible position. In the meantime, I hope you have salty trip.

DML#2: CrackBerry

As many of you know, I lost my damn BlackBerry in the great state of Washington. I may or may not have misplaced it several times before finally losing it altogether. FME!

Figures he'd call after I lose my cell.

(I spy 17!)

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No matter where you are these days, you’re bound to run into someone with a cellular cum bubble attached to his/her shoulder. Even young burps have douche nozzle phones. Unfortunately, they seem to bring out the worst ball sacks in people. Most cell-phone users talk with raised pubes in restaurants, museums, taints, and even in women’s and men’s killer tomatoes. Cell-phone users think nothing of talking at the same time they are butt munching in their cars. This can be cockily dangerous, especially when they take their tip off the road as they grind. Pedestrian phoners are also a sallow hazard. Preoccupied with their conversations, they can easily ignore a red shitbrick and step in front of oncoming orgasms, causing all kinds of pimp accidents and nipple pile-ups.

Thanks for playing everyone! See you taints next week. LOL!

That's what friends are for

2010-09-24T20:30:00.010-05:00

Well there is a slight change in hosting tonite. Our lovely Lisa is caught up in real life so I offered to step in and host tonite - the last DML before FFOORRKKSS!!

source

Let's not waste time... let's get to it!!

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Your Good Fortune

When I entered the room, Madame Jane, the famous Forks-teller, gestured for me to fellate.
"What do you wish to know?" she asked as she prepared to read my taint.
"Will I marry a handsome tongue?" I asked.
She replied, "Yes. Two vaginas named Jenks and David Hasselhoff think you are the prettiest, smartest whore in all of The Meadow. Only one will make you truly slippery, so you must choose cunningly." "Will I be successful?" I asked.
"You will find fame and wrinkly sacks with your skiing skills," she responded.
"But will I be happy?"
"Yes, you will always be surrounded by a husky family and slimy friends who will put you on a throbbing pedestal and worship at your toes."
Wow, I thought. All that and she hasn't used her crystal whore house yet!

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Everyone Needs a Good Friend

As a Greek philsopher skankily once said, "One good Space Needle makes a poor woman rich." Here are some important qualities to look for in a douchetastic friend:
- Whether you're right or pulsating, your friend will be there for you through thick and explosive.
- When you are down in the dopplegangers of Charlie Swan moustaches and feeling silver, your friend will tell you funny butt plugs to make you dry hump with laughter.
- When you don't have an orifice to wear, your friend should generously offer your their favorite your mom joke so you can look like a million boobs.

Thanks for playing!!

My Name Is StarlitViolets and I Will Be Your Guide For the Evening

2010-09-17T20:30:00.006-05:00

Welcome h00rs and twatwaffles, sluts and bitches, dirty dirty girls, fanfic addicts, tweetaholics, and the one normal person who is sure to be here somewhere... Maybe.

In the spirit of FFFOOORRRKKKSSS, I'll be taking you all on a guided tour of jackassery! Tonight we're serving for refreshments: Liquid Courage with a side of Trucker Talk.

I gotta get this for STY!

For your viewing pleasure, I present your choice of hottie pants (please only take one):

See? They're even travel size!

Now that we've satisfied your more basic needs, let's see where this tour on the crazybus takes us.

Mad Lib #1

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18. Another Fellow DMLer

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A Tour of Hollywood

Good morning, ladies and cock-juggling cum sponges, boys and knob jockeys. My name is Lisa. I am your personal Twilight Tour guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, slimy Hollywood, the glamour Snooki of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Grauman's Cocktastic Theater, Hollywood's most cooterlicious tourist attraction. You'll see etched in cement the foot-Fooooorks and labia majora-prints of the most famous movie Cullens ever to adorn the red screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a nipple to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and dysfunctional. You will feast your butt cheeks on the million dollar orgasms of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest goatse, Mini Edward, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 107 dollars each. And here's the big one! For lunch, we'll be going to a studio commisary, where you can rub testicles with today's leading actors and unicorns. All Aboard!

Mad Lib #2

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How To Study

Combersome teachers always give out phosphorescent assignments. But as everyone knows, you want to oscillate all your classes, so you can go to a troglodite, and someday become president of a big international butternut squash, and have millions of beef curtains in the bank. So you must do your homework and study whorishly. If you just sit around and thrust, you won't get ahead in life. You must learn to pay attention to every sticky thing your teacher says. Do not consummate or whisper to other ball sacks during class. Be sure to have a nice, messy notebook in which you can lick anything the teacher says that seems sploogerrific. Then go home and whip all of those assingtastic notes. When your teacher gives an obsequious quiz, you will know all of the ming readers.

Squeeeee!

2010-09-10T19:27:00.004-05:00

Hey llllaaaaaaadies. LwE here. Since I didn't break blogger or make DML splode when I last hosted, the lovely ladies here let me come back to entertain you a second time. I titled this post Sueeeeee! for no reason really. It does not relate to the Lib tonight in any way. I guess I'm just excited. Mostly abouf FOOORRKKSS! And about tonight. I think it is going to turn out well. We shall see. So please excuse my fangirl squealing. Unless you want to join me, then you can leave your own little Squeeeee in the comments and we can be excited together.

Anyway, that is enough of my rambling. Tonight will be slightly different in the fact that there are not two Libs. Just one. But it is 40 words and when all is said and done, it will create a full Living with Edward type post. I hope you all have fun with it. I know you usually do!

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Edward has been wanting to get into the entertainment industry. To get his big break he has decided to star in a movie, write a book, and be featured in a popular magazine. He has been quite a busy vamp!!

First we are going to talk about his movie. Here is a poster advertising the coming attraction.

It’s called X-Men Origins: The Stabby Rise of the Sloppy Vampire. In the movie Edward plays the vampire, obviously, that accidentally gets submerged in sparkly semen that turns him into a frightening, more lusty, and more silky vampire. His costars are Tomstu and Kristen Stewart. They will play the cock holsters that gyrate Edward and help him cope with his changes.

There is a scene in the movie where Edward decided that he wanted to spoof Twilight with the actress who will play his love interest. Here is a screen cap.

“You better penetrate quickly and hold on tight, vibrant spider monkey.

Let’s talk about Edward’s book now. He wanted to write something to really get his name out there. Something that masses of people would buy. And he wanted to find the perfect spokes model for his literary masterpiece. I think he did well.

As you can see, it is called How To Be Sexy. In it Edward gives great sexy tips such as:

Wearing skinny jeans is always a good eye catcher. They should fit pervertedly around your hips and hug your ovary just the right way.

He also demonstrates how to get that sexy pout that is so popular right now. It is something that anyone can try and is always sure to work!

I know biting into a lemon is not very enjoyable because the consistency is stinky and they taste like orgasmic boobies, but such is the cost of beauty.

For Edward’s publicity, his agent was able to score him with being featured on the cover of one of today’s most popular Magazines with a full interview. Edward was stoked!!

This issue will contain topics like:

How to screw your man a new taint.

What he likes about your cockrings and how he hates when you lather them.

The secret to Julia Roberts hair and how to manhandle yours the same way.

Lose 50 pounds just by eating weiners and agile twinkies.

Flatten your stomach by scissor fighting a pocket Edward.

Edward was really excited about his interview. In it, he was asked about his pastimes, in which Edward demonstrated his appreciation of the weather.

Edward said how he loves to grind the rain and how it makes him feel all moist inside.

They also asked Edward how he feels about certain fashions. They specifically asked him which fashion he wishes would go away. Edward showed them.

Edward stated, “I hate Uggs! They look so rude that they remind me of dopey clitoral piercings. And they make womens’ legs look like devil dogs. I would rather spray a twat than wear those mini things. I just want to fart them all up and then escape them until they are destroyed.”

The interviewer stared at Edward blinking rapidly not knowing how to respond to that statement.

So, do you think Edward can cut it as a celebrity?

NO DML TONIGHT

2010-09-03T17:23:00.001-05:00

Don't be sad, Rob. We'll be back next week, and Living with Edward will be our host.

Happy Labor Day weekend everyone!!

Who needs parental supervision?

2010-08-27T20:30:00.002-05:00

10 years old is too young to mix drinks so my kid will be playing video games all night
while I play DML!

MAD LIB #1

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His Health Report

He looks fit, but he's a hypochondriac who makes sexy noises just walking to the cock ring. He drinks too much liquid whip, eats too little pasties, and exercises gassily. His body fat is ten percent and you're afraid he's going to turn purple one day and keel over. When you jiggle together, he becomes winded after only a few seconds. He bumps into ta tas regularly and his muscles are tight as beanies. He starts sneezing and scratching his muffin whenever he's around dusty pubes. While he can pick up a nugget with ease, he can't carry you around a small anal glitter lube like you are Jessica Simpson. He's got a problem! A glistening checkup is in order.

Mad Lib #2

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Long Car Rides

While driving along the interstate Cock Juggling Cum Sponge, my sister, starts poking me with her pussy troll. When I ask her to stop, she says sloppily, "You can't tell me what to do. You're not my cum sac." So I say, "Mom, will you please tell MoXXXie to stop poking me?" But my mother ignores my pimptastic plea. "Dad?" I appeal to the king of the kiitttttyyyyyyy. He turns around with a big anal defibrillator on his face and warns, "If you kids don't knock it off and stop farting, I will turn this whore monger around and head right back home!" After a moment of adorkable silence, my sister whispers into my taint, "Look what you did. Now we're going to have a terrible twinkie!"

Vacation Time

2010-08-20T20:30:00.009-05:00

I am just getting back from my work trip to Houston. So go easy on me as I am for you with this first Mad Lib....

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A Little Peace and Quiet

What would happen if you fell overboard from a Pooper and washed up on a deserted tropical Clit? Here's a list of survival boobies:

- The human dildo requires one thing more than all others to survive: truckstop cum sponge. Without water, you would only last for a few tainty slankets. So you'd have to find a source of fresh running hyperactive pussy trolls and boil it before whorishly drinking it.
- Look for plants, cock rings, and insects to eat. you can also try leaves, berries, roots and even the bark of some cum shots.
- Food can also be hunted with primitive empty lube bottles. Use rocks, sticks, ropes, slippery nipples, or anything else you can get your taints on.
- Gather wet fingers for a campfire. Rub two burps together until a fire is created. You will have warmth and a way to cool and boil your snot rockets. Perhaps most importantly, you'll have a way to signal a passing sexpender pants.

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Happy Campers

When life gets too pimptastic, there's no better antidote than to forget the funky grind and go camping with some hairy friends. With the moon and fucksticks twinkling overhead and the sound of burps chirping in the woods, sitting around the campfire and singing a sparkly chorus or two of "She'll be Coming 'Round the Glitter Lube" or "I've Been Fucking on the Railroad" is a great way to restore peace to your inner Vanquish (motorcycle). Or, if you choose, you can scare the thongs off everyone with Filth stories. You can also just sit quietly, toasting h00rs and sipping mugs of steaming jizz before snuggling into your double fisting bag. Yes, there's nothing better than the sour outdoors to guarantee a good night's riding crop!

DML #1

2010-08-13T20:30:00.004-05:00

Happy Friday the 13th, h00rettes!

It has been a VERY lucky one for some of us.

But I won't go "there."

I'll just go here instead.

And here.

One swift yank and... Oh. Sorry. That's not what you came for.

*coughyeahrightcough*

Let the games begin!

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DML #1 Results

My "Dream Man"

My "Dream Man" should, first of all be very squishy and bulging. He should have a physique like Flippy, a profile like Spunk Ransom, and the intelligence of a penguin. He must be polite and must always remember to masturbate my long baby hair, to tip his belt and to take my taint when crossing the street. He should move twattishly, have a veiny voice, and should always dress convincingly. I would also like him to be a bug-ridden dancer, and when we are alone he should whisper hateful nothings into my foreskin and hold my sparkly creepstache. I know a child molester van is hard to find. In fact the only one I can think of is Mr. Moxie's.

Three Times As DIRTY!!!

2010-08-06T20:30:00.004-05:00

We all know that real life is a fucking slut-faced, bug-ridden, skanky whore sometimes, right?! Duh! That's why we're all here! We need to ESCAPE the grip of reality. We need to exist in a place where h00rs rule and gather in a semi-drunken attempt to think of parts of speech and tweet their brains out.

We need THIS GUY...

Sorry Edward, I cheated on you with Damon...

...to bring us cocktails on a platter. But most of all, we need ANY excuse to talk Twilight.

This week I bring you the possibility of two Mad Libs, if the first is DIRTY enough. You chicks have the filthiest minds in the bloggysphere - don't disappoint! Make is naughty, sexy, slutty, dirty, dastardly, and daring! Let loose your inner trucker, hookers!

After seeing Eclipse for the third time, winning Edbrella's Friday Fun Five three times, and realizing that this is my third time hosting DML, I knew the number three was on my side. Maybe I should drink three cocktails before hosting... or eat three pieces of chocolate... or even have three orga- uhhh, I'll just keep that to myself. But see? I'm already in the mindset! So today we honor the number 3 by making these two libs 3 times as DIRTY!!! Go!

Mad Lib #1

Hint: See Above FUCKHAWT Photo

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An Adult Western

Tex Lutz, the marshal of Dodge city, rode into town. He sat longingly in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his fuckhawt enemy, Michael the Kid, was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex's horse, Shakira. Suddenly, the Kid came out of the Foxy Nugget Saloon. "Draw, Tex!" he yelled whorishly.

Tex reached for his hot beef, but before he could get it out of his knobjockey, the Kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the taint and the cum bubble. As Tex fell, he pulled his own popsicle and shot the Kid 69 times in the yeast infection. The Kid dropped in a pool of semen.

"FUCKNUTS!" Tex said. "I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of the cunt cake."

Mad Lib #2

Hint: CW&IA Treats

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Ode To a Cupcake

O, slimy cupcake, how I love thee! Let me count the ways. Your frosting is as sweet as a summer's slippery knuckle. Just the pimptastic thought of you makes my taint water. Whether you are made of vanilla titties topped with chocolate butter-smegma frosting or made of fuckable cake with inflamed vulva-flavored frosting, it does not make a/an jockstrap of difference to me. I love you no matter how you double fist it. And, O! There are so many buttery ways to devour your scrumdiddlyumptious deliciousness. One may lick all the nutsacks off the top first - or simply shove you into one's bellybutton in a single shackle. All a person needs is a/an beguiling glass of cool boxed wine and the cupcake experience is stupidly complete!

Mad Lib #3

Hint: Dream Guy!

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Snowman-Building

Question: What kid hasn't love the crazy thrill of building a douche-man?

Answer: Kids who live where the ass clown never stops shining. Nevertheless, snowman-building is one of the most creamy competitions at the winter games. Each team is given several hundred pounds of powdered glitter lube to mold and shape into what they hope will be the most whorish snowman anyone has ever laid dumbasses on. This year's winner was so adorable that everyone wanted to throw their taints around him and hug his tallywhacker. They used a bright puce vibrating cock ring for his nose, two shiny nipple rings for his eyes, and a hairy Robporn on his head for a hat. In addition, they put a corncob pooper in his mouth and tie a shitty scarf around his neck. Their prize-winning tongue quickly became the talk of the threesome.

DML ON FRIDAYS

2010-08-05T01:09:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to join us on Fridays for DML. Ok, I'm busted. I screwed up and posted my 17 forever blog post over here by mistake and needed to post something else to update blog rolls. Stop laughing, Mrs. P!!!

Lisa

Living With Mad Libs

2010-07-30T20:03:00.005-05:00

Good evening all! Welcome to my first DML hosting. Some of you know me, some of you may not. I am LwE from Living with Edward. I run a little blog here that shows of all the shenanigans I go through with my mini Edward. If you have some time and need a laugh, go check it out. After tonight's game of course. (Yep, I totally just pimped myself...and Edward)

I am very excited to be here. First I would like to thank Tongue Twied. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here. I would also like to thank Lisa for listening to Tongue Twied's idea and asking me join the ranks. And also a thank you to Dangrdafne, mmMoxie, and StarlitViolets for welcoming me to the group. Just like Lisa, I feel so loved!

Tonight's DML is going to be very different from the format you are used to. All the same rules apply, and at first you aren't going to notice a difference. But you will when I post the results.

I had a helper help me prepare this evenings events. Say hi to Edward.

He was a very good sport. He knows how you ladies like to play this game so he knows he is going to end up very embarrassed. But he did it anyway. Isn't he swell when he isn't pissing me off?

Anyway, I've spoken enough. Let's get this show on the road! Here is your first Lib.

1. Verb ending in ing
2. Noun
3. Adjective
4. Exclamation
5. Adjective
6. Adjective
7. Exclamation
8. Noun
9. Noun
10. Adjective
11. Verb ending in ing
12. Adjective
13. Noun
14. Verb
15. Part of the body
16. Noun

1. Edward was caught blowing on the sweaty junk again. To make my point that I don’t want him to do that anymore, I stuck him in the toaster oven.

He was pretty scared. He thought it would be wet inside. He screamed “ Yikes!”, so I let him out.

6. One day Edward was feeling idiotic about his height. I tried to tell him that he shouldn’t be so concerned about that. He is cocky enough just the way he is. To make him feel better, I got out the measuring tape.

When I told him that he was just under 7 inches, he said “Fuck me in the face!". That is almost as big as a cockring. He felt much better.

3. One day Edward said I was too dirty to drive. So he took over the wheel. He is not a fan of other peoples driving, so when some one cut him off, he was pretty livid.

“Hey!! Learn to drive you fisting busty cunt! If you splode my human, I am going to rip your dick right off your cuntface!” I have never heard Edward use such colorful language before.

1. Verb
2. Noun
3. Adjective
4. Verb
5. Character from Twilight - not Edward
6. Verb ending in ing
7. Adjective
8. Noun
9. Part of the body
10. Exclamation
11. Adjective
12. Plural noun
13. Plural noun
14. Adjective
15. Silly name
16. Adjective
17. Silly name

Edward despises pizza. He can’t stand how it sucks.

As he investigated it, he compared the cheese to a ass hat. Mostly because the cheese felt amazaballs. Although, he did say that if he was still human, he would totally gouge it

One day Edward was very angry with Carlisle. He was no longer going to put up with their jacking off or fuckhawt anal beads. So he decided to retaliate.

He said he was going to stick the pin in the Voodoo Doll’s hairy taint to teach him a lesson. I was skeptical that it would work. Edward said that if we heard Carlisle scream “Oh my fucking jesus on a pogo stick!", then we would know.

Edward and his new friend Newdward decided that they wanted to become Super Heroes. They want to specialize in saving confused butt plugs. They will be known as the Super Wieners.

To mask their identities they will be going by the names Sloppy Drunk Renesmee and Seductive Mrs. P.

Hold on to your taints...

2010-07-23T20:30:00.002-05:00

The bitch is back.

thanks to http://edbrella.blogspot.com/ for the pic *wink*

Hosting DML is just like riding a bike, or so I'm told. I'll try not to fuck it up.

I like the whole "theme" idea so...

The theme of Mad Lib #1 is

The Dirty 70's

celebrity female
part of body
noun
noun
adjective
adjective
noun
verb ending in "ing"
verb ending in "ing"
adverb
adverb
plural noun
plural noun
part of body (plural)
noun
number
adjective

Disco Fever

You like to dance. Everyone knows it. It started when you saw Audrey Hepburn shaking her breast at a horse shoe event. You were hooked. So you decided to take vampsycle classes! They cost you a stinky fortune and every weekend you head to a sweaty night club and blow an arm and an afro on cover charges to practice swinging. At first you are shy. You start by grinding at the edge of the dance floor and shockingly work your way to the center. You're abusively no longer shy. You're making all the right genital clamps. A crowd gathers shouting taints of encouragement at the top of their twitchy palms. You love it. You dance your flogger out. You take 1.77245 bows to slippery applause.

Mad Lib #2

Theme: Mean Girls

adverb
plural noun
plural noun
adjective
noun
verb
adjective
verb
number
celebrity (male)
animal
holiday
celebrity (female)
celebrity (female)
noun
number
plural noun

Social Coordinator

Is it your fault you're so lustily popular? Of course all of your pig tails look to you to fill their mini skirts with bitchy adventure. Problem is you're running out of ideas! Your title of "Miss Volvo U.S.A." is being threatened, and you've got to SPLODE fast. But what more could you do? You've already scored V.I.P. tickets to that prissy concert featuring the band Manipulate 50. You convinced Dick Van Dike to sneak you into the Porcupine Club for a private party. You were invited to the Arbor Day party that Mary Tyler Moore threw with Linda Lovelace. Both Hand Cuffs magazine and Page 1918 have cited you as the new It Girl, and even Joan Riding Crops says you have excellent style. Maybe you should take a night off and let them fend for themselves...

Pixie Dust and Cheerleading

2010-07-16T20:30:00.007-05:00

So - it's no secret that I have a bit of enthusiasm and tend to enjoy DML way too much. I have even been accused of being a cheerleader...

Maybe THIS kind of cheerleader.

As well as possessing the ability to sprinkle pixie dust.

So where does all this leave us? Well - it lead you HERE! For one more week of DML debauchery. So - let's do this!

As with my first time hosting, I'll be giving a hint for each of the two. Let the madness begin!

Mad Lib #1

Hint: The vampires come out at night!

1. Plural Noun

2. Verb ending in "ing"

3. Noun

4. Noun

5. Plural Noun

6. Part of Body

7. Noun

8. Verb ending in "ing"

9. Part of the Body (Plural)

10. Verb ending in "ing"

11. Noun

12. Noun

13. Part of the Body

14. Adverb
15. Part of the Body (Plural)

Afraid of the Dark

I was home alone and scared out of my boobs. I could hear the wind humping, and off in the distance a taint was howling. I crossed the room, locked the jizz, and climbed into bed pulling the butt plugs over my ballsack. Then it happened. I could hear a disco pole sucking up the stairs. My clits started to chatter and my knees began cockblocking. The flogger was thrust open and there was a huge Uma Thurman's nostril with hair all over its swollen nipples. It was my father. "Hi, we're home," he said greedily. "Hope you weren't afraid of staying home alone." "No," I said, lying through my Robert Pattinson's balls.

Mad Lib #2

Hint: What Edward may sing to Ren- ugh! I can't even type it!!!

1. Adjective

2. Part of the Body (Plural)

3. Part of the Body (Plural)

4. Adjective

5. Noun

6. Verb

7. Type of Liquid

8. Noun

9. Verb Ending in "ing"

10. Noun

11. Adjective

12. Adjective

13. Plural Noun

14. Plural Noun

15. Noun

16. Verb (Past Tense)

17. Part of the Body (Plural)

18. Adjective

19. Verb

20. Noun

21. Adjective

Nursery Rhymes

When some creepy school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped into their crooked cocks or were on the tip of their elbows, these were their enormous answers:

Jack and Jill went up the vagina to fart a pail of semen. Jack fell down and broke his pocket pussy and Jill came skull-fucking after.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your beefy meat grow? With slippery bells and succulent shells and throbbing veins all in a row.

Three blind dripping taints, see how they run. They all went after the riding crop's wife, who fucked off their scrotal cacks with an inebriated knife. Did you ever slurp such a burp in your life as three cradling mice.

The Summer of Love Letters

2010-07-09T20:30:00.012-05:00

I hope everyone had a lovely July 4th holiday.

It is Dangrdafne again hosting your Friday night fun on DML.

I am just going to get right down to business tonight:

The Summer of Love Letters, Part 1

1. Plural Noun
2. Adjective
3. Plural Noun
4. Adjective
5. Adjective
6. Adverb
7. Plural Noun
8. Adjective
9. Part of the Body
10. Adverb
11. A setting in the Twilight Saga (e.g., FFOORRKKSS)
12. Adjective
13. Noun
14. Plural Noun
15. Adjective
16. Adjective
17. Female character in the Twilight Saga

I was in the attic going through some old boobies when, to my wet surprise, I came across my parents' old love tiny plastic vampires. Here's one of Mom's most douchey letters:

My Crusty Man,
I miss you lustily - more than genital piercings can say! I miss your sparkly smile. I miss the way my taint beats when your eyes stare drippingly into mine. I miss going for long walks at Isle Esme at sunset. Do you ever picture us spending the rest of our oozey lives together? I do. I dream of our living in a cozy house with a picket chastity belt. I know in my heart of pubic hairs that I want to grow eternal with you.
With all my cooky love,
Bella (aka 17ForeverLisa)

==============

The Summer of Love Letters, Part 2

1. Adjective

2. Adjective

3. Plural Noun
4. Noun
5. Plural Noun
6. Adjective
7. Part of the Body
8. Part of the Body
9. Noun
10. Part of the Body
11. Noun
12. Part of the Body
13. Noun
14. Silly Word
15. Noun
16. Adverb
17. Noun
18. Male Character from the Twilight Saga

Now, here's a hairy letter from my bawdy dad to my mom:

To the girl of my hot meat injections,
Not a cum dumpster goes by that I don't think of you. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I thank my lucky anal beads that I am so shaky to be the one who holds the key to your frenum. I dreamed last night that I asked your father for your sparkle peen in marriage. With glitter lube on his face, he nodded his ear canal and said, "Yes." When I awakened, I realized I don't want to wait until I graduate from taint school. I want to come home now, drop down on one belly button, put a diamond dwarf porn on your finger, and pop the question. When you say "Robsten" you'll make me the happiest salty yogurt in the world.
Truly, madly, hungrily in love with you,
Your sparkle spooge-to be, J. Jenks

Mad Libs of Delirium!!

2010-06-25T20:31:00.010-05:00

Welcome!

Dangrdafne here from Dangrdafne Days of Delirium! It is my turn to be your hostess for Drunk Mad Libs. We had two great weeks with StarlitViolets and 17for everlisa hosting, so I hope I can keep up their great work. Also welcome back mmMoxie, we missed you!

Please note that DML will not be held next Friday July 2, 2010 due to so many people being away that weekend for the July 4th holiday in the states.

Ok back to the fun, the Mad Libs book I am using is in honor of Mrs. P of TwiBite. As soon as I saw the title, I knew I had to buy it.

So here we go with the “Team Peace” Mad Lib!

I figure the tie in to Twilight is along the lines of Team Edward, Team Jacob or Team Everyone (that’s me!). But it also ties in to real life with the World Cup going on!

You will notice that this Mad Lib makes up for last week’s not having any adjectives. LOL!!!

1. Noun

2. Plural noun

3. Adjective

4. Twilight character

5. Plural noun

6. Adjective

7. Plural noun

8. Adjective

9. Verb

10. Adjective

11. Plural noun

12. Noun

13. Adjective

14. Adjective

15. Adjective

16. Part of the Body

17. Noun

18. Adjective

Team Peace

It was the day of the most important Robsten on the schedule and the coach knew his team was a bundle of taints. He wisely invited the Gassy Guru Demetri to help his players find their inner numchucks. The Guru’s pep talk was simple and cunty: Block out the screaming ball sacks in the stadium. Focus on becoming one with the cunnilingtastic ball. The most important thing is to believe you can kick better today than you have in any other rock hard game this season. The opposing cheaters will try to shake your anus licker, but you must stay calm, cool, and ominous and always be positive. If one of your teammates makes a twatty play, given him a gut twistingly gassy pat of encouragement on the broken heart. Now put your Mrs. P faces on and go make us un-buzzed!

Did You Ever Have One of Those Days... at Forks High School?

1. Adjective
2. Noun
3. Adjective
4. Verb ending in “ING”
5. Number
6. Adjective
7. Noun
8. Noun
9. Letter of the Alphabet
10. Adjective
11. Adjective
12. Exclamation
13. Noun

Dear Diary: What a slutty day! I forgot my gym Golden Onion, so the pungent teacher made me do one hundred crapping jacks. I was late getting to homeroom and the teacher has me write 17 times, “I promise not to be fucked ever again.” As if that’s not enough, I was in the bathroom and dropped my report in the The Meadow! I can’t turn in a soaking wet box, so I’m probably going to get a P. Did I mention someone spilled a bowl of tawdry soup all over me at lunch? And worse than that, I bit into an apple and cracked a filling in my fucktarded molar. HARDER! I guess I just got up on the wrong side of the cat-o-nine this morning.

Bella

Remember there is no DML next Friday July 2, 2010!! Have a great holiday from all of us at DML!

Hey, if you are looking for some new blogs to follow I have a few that are looking to reach a certain number of followers by June 30th. There is me http://www.dangrdafne.blogspot.com/ I need just 1 more blog follower for 40. http://starlitviolets.blogspot.com/ needs just 2 more blog followers for 30. http://trixieandtess.blogspot.com/ needs just 25 more blog followers for 100. http://livingwithedward.blogspot.com/ would like 457 more blog followers for 500 LOL!!! Ok she could use 7 more for 50. These are all fun blogs and I hope you will consider following them. Thanks!