Three Times As DIRTY!!!

We all know that real life is a fucking slut-faced, bug-ridden, skanky whore sometimes, right?! Duh! That's why we're all here! We need to ESCAPE the grip of reality. We need to exist in a place where h00rs rule and gather in a semi-drunken attempt to think of parts of speech and tweet their brains out.

We need THIS GUY...

Sorry Edward, I cheated on you with Damon...

...to bring us cocktails on a platter. But most of all, we need ANY excuse to talk Twilight.

This week I bring you the possibility of two Mad Libs, if the first is DIRTY enough. You chicks have the filthiest minds in the bloggysphere - don't disappoint! Make is naughty, sexy, slutty, dirty, dastardly, and daring! Let loose your inner trucker, hookers!

After seeing Eclipse for the third time, winning Edbrella's Friday Fun Five three times, and realizing that this is my third time hosting DML, I knew the number three was on my side. Maybe I should drink three cocktails before hosting... or eat three pieces of chocolate... or even have three orga- uhhh, I'll just keep that to myself. But see? I'm already in the mindset! So today we honor the number 3 by making these two libs 3 times as DIRTY!!! Go!

Mad Lib #1

Hint: See Above FUCKHAWT Photo

1. Last Name

2. Adverb

3. Adjective

4. First Name (Male)

5. First Name (Female)

6. Adjective

7. Adverb

8. Noun

9. Noun

10. Noun

11. Noun

12. Noun

13. Number

14. Noun

15. Type of Liquid

16. Exclamation

17. Noun

An Adult Western

Tex Lutz, the marshal of Dodge city, rode into town. He sat longingly in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his fuckhawt enemy, Michael the Kid, was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex's horse, Shakira. Suddenly, the Kid came out of the Foxy Nugget Saloon. "Draw, Tex!" he yelled whorishly.

Tex reached for his hot beef, but before he could get it out of his knobjockey, the Kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the taint and the cum bubble. As Tex fell, he pulled his own popsicle and shot the Kid 69 times in the yeast infection. The Kid dropped in a pool of semen.

"FUCKNUTS!" Tex said. "I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of the cunt cake."

Mad Lib #2

Hint: CW&IA Treats

1. Adjective

2. Noun

3. Adjective

4. Part of the Body

5. Noun

6. Noun

7. Adjective

8. Noun

9. Noun

10. Verb

11. Adjective

12. Adjective

13. Plural Noun

14. Part of the Body

15. Noun

16. Adjective

17. Type of Liquid

18. Adverb

Ode To a Cupcake

O, slimy cupcake, how I love thee! Let me count the ways. Your frosting is as sweet as a summer's slippery knuckle. Just the pimptastic thought of you makes my taint water. Whether you are made of vanilla titties topped with chocolate butter-smegma frosting or made of fuckable cake with inflamed vulva-flavored frosting, it does not make a/an jockstrap of difference to me. I love you no matter how you double fist it. And, O! There are so many buttery ways to devour your scrumdiddlyumptious deliciousness. One may lick all the nutsacks off the top first - or simply shove you into one's bellybutton in a single shackle. All a person needs is a/an beguiling glass of cool boxed wine and the cupcake experience is stupidly complete!

Mad Lib #3

Hint: Dream Guy!

1. Adjective

2. Noun

3. Noun

4. Adjective

5. Noun

6. Adjective

7. Plural Noun

8. Part of Body (Plural)

9. Noun

10. Color

11. Noun

12. Plural Noun

13. Adjective

14. Noun

15. Noun

16. Adjective

17. Noun

18. Noun

Snowman-Building

Question: What kid hasn't love the crazy thrill of building a douche-man?

Answer: Kids who live where the ass clown never stops shining. Nevertheless, snowman-building is one of the most creamy competitions at the winter games. Each team is given several hundred pounds of powdered glitter lube to mold and shape into what they hope will be the most whorish snowman anyone has ever laid dumbasses on. This year's winner was so adorable that everyone wanted to throw their taints around him and hug his tallywhacker. They used a bright puce vibrating cock ring for his nose, two shiny nipple rings for his eyes, and a hairy Robporn on his head for a hat. In addition, they put a corncob pooper in his mouth and tie a shitty scarf around his neck. Their prize-winning tongue quickly became the talk of the threesome.