Directions

*Pour yourself a glass or four.

*Type ONE ANSWER per comment.

*Write the number, type of word, and your word (i.e. #1 Noun: labia).

*Make it DIRTY.

*Make it CRUDE.

*Make it Twilight-related. (semi-optional)

*Make one of the words “taint." It's a must. The word "taint" is funny ALL THE TIME.

*Oh yeah, I know we'll be a tad bit tipsy, but try to read the other comments,
so we know what number we're on and don't have any repeats.

-Mox

Friday, September 17, 2010

My Name Is StarlitViolets and I Will Be Your Guide For the Evening

Welcome h00rs and twatwaffles, sluts and bitches, dirty dirty girls, fanfic addicts, tweetaholics, and the one normal person who is sure to be here somewhere... Maybe.

In the spirit of FFFOOORRRKKKSSS, I'll be taking you all on a guided tour of jackassery! Tonight we're serving for refreshments: Liquid Courage with a side of Trucker Talk.


I gotta get this for STY!

For your viewing pleasure, I present your choice of hottie pants (please only take one):



See? They're even travel size!

Now that we've satisfied your more basic needs, let's see where this tour on the crazybus takes us.

Mad Lib #1


1. Plural Noun
2. Plural Noun
3. Name of a Fellow DMLer
4. Noun
5. Adjective
6. Noun
7. Adjective
8. Adjective
9. Plural Noun
10. Part of the Body
11. Plural Noun
12. Adjective
13. Noun
14. Adjective
15. Part of the Body Plural
16. Plural Noun
17. Noun
18. Another Fellow DMLer
19. Number
20. Part of the Body Plural
21. Plural Noun


A Tour of Hollywood

Good morning, ladies and cock-juggling cum sponges, boys and knob jockeys. My name is Lisa. I am your personal Twilight Tour guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, slimy Hollywood, the glamour Snooki of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Grauman's Cocktastic Theater, Hollywood's most cooterlicious tourist attraction. You'll see etched in cement the foot-Fooooorks and labia majora-prints of the most famous movie Cullens ever to adorn the red screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a nipple to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and dysfunctional. You will feast your butt cheeks on the million dollar orgasms of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest goatse, Mini Edward, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 107 dollars each. And here's the big one! For lunch, we'll be going to a studio commisary, where you can rub testicles with today's leading actors and unicorns. All Aboard!



Mad Lib #2

1. Adjective
2. Adjective
3. Verb
4. Noun
5. Noun
6. Plural Noun
7. Adverb
8. Verb
9. Adjective
10. Verb
11. Plural Noun
12. Adjective
13. Verb
14. Adjective
15. Verb
16. Adjective
17. Adjective
18. Plural Noun


How To Study

Combersome teachers always give out phosphorescent assignments. But as everyone knows, you want to oscillate all your classes, so you can go to a troglodite, and someday become president of a big international butternut squash, and have millions of beef curtains in the bank. So you must do your homework and study whorishly. If you just sit around and thrust, you won't get ahead in life. You must learn to pay attention to every sticky thing your teacher says. Do not consummate or whisper to other ball sacks during class. Be sure to have a nice, messy notebook in which you can lick anything the teacher says that seems sploogerrific. Then go home and whip all of those assingtastic notes. When your teacher gives an obsequious quiz, you will know all of the ming readers.

204 comments:

1 – 200 of 204   Newer›   Newest»
Living with Edward said...

I get Edward!!!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

oooo..hiSLV :) am I first? awesome 1)plural noun : cock juggling cum sponges

Porphyrias_Curse said...

awww, I want Edward, dont you already have enough of them lol

StarlitViolets said...

Ooo - Good one, PC!!!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

hehe, thanks...I'm taking the trucker talk part to heart :)

StarlitViolets said...

Good girl! ;) I meant it.

Living with Edward said...

@PC: LOL I do have quite a few. True.

StarlitViolets said...

Where is everybody else??? :(

Porphyrias_Curse said...

k, so um I'll be an answer hog and just go for #2)plural noun - knobjockeys

My After Car Is An XKR said...

Okay, going to try not to screw it up this time. So just ONE WORD. Oh, the pressure of picking the right word! I should have drank more first. BRB.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

I was wondering that too, probably packing for forks and being all excited n schizz

Twired Jen said...

#3 Lisa

Living with Edward said...

3. Mini Edward

What? He participates.

17foreverlisa said...

Hello!! It's Friday night. Do you know where your drink is?

What number are we on?

@LwE - You have enough Edward's. Hand him over.

Twired Jen said...

Hey all..sorry. My Sis (Elusive S) surprised me at work with the "I heart Vampires" PJ top from Target that I put on my blog awhile back. :) And she burned me Florence & The Machine too!!!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

lol @LWE...I bet he could help a lot with his massive vocabulary, although he probably doesn't much go for the dirty talkin does he.

17foreverlisa said...

#4 - Twilight Tour

StarlitViolets said...

Hello ladies! :)

Twired Jen said...

#5 slimy

17foreverlisa said...

Sister Sarah rocks! Tell her hello :)

Porphyrias_Curse said...

5 adj cocktastic

My After Car Is An XKR said...

6. Snooki

Living with Edward said...

@Lisa: No! Mine!! I feel very protective of him.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

hello ladies!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

7) tardy

17foreverlisa said...

Hello, Lady M :)

17foreverlisa said...

Anyone seen Mox or Sharon?

Porphyrias_Curse said...

8)adj cooterlicious

Living with Edward said...

@PC: Not a fan of the dirty talk no. But he does do the modeling when I host and then gets REALLY embarassed when you guys fill in the words.

Twired Jen said...

Hey Mrs. P!
#8 prickly

StarlitViolets said...

I'm giving PC #7 cocktastic. So we're on #8 ADJECTIVE. :)

Living with Edward said...

Mrs. P!!! I just wanted to shout your name for fun.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

Yes...knew the cock would go to me some day :)

17foreverlisa said...

PC - You need to follow her blog. Here is Exhibit A on why she needs to pass me Eward!!

http://livingwithedward.blogspot.com/2010/09/search-has-been-called-off.html

Living with Edward said...

Lisa is so my pimp. I can't even tell you some of the thing she makes me do for it, too.

17foreverlisa said...

F*ck!! Shush about the typo. Pass me Edward!!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

@Lisa~I do follow her lol, frikkin hilarious. I actually made my hubby and best friend sit last week and read the whole ming reader post..

17foreverlisa said...

I'm sure there will be pictures after FORKS, LwE :)

StarlitViolets said...

LMAO! Have you drained the box yet? :) MWAH!!!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

#8) adj - fuzzy ( like Rob's face) rawrr

Twired Jen said...

Since no one is doing it..and I'm sober..#9 FOOOOORKS

17foreverlisa said...

PC *shhhhhhhh* I don't get a cut if you were already following her.

Living with Edward said...

Eward is so what his nick name would have been in middle school if he got made fun of. The kids would say "Eeewww, it's Eward."

inotu said...

Hi

StarlitViolets said...

Nope #8 was cooterlicious. We need #9 Plural Noun.

Twired Jen said...

Hola' Inotu...welcome to DML.

Twired Jen said...

I DID 9

Porphyrias_Curse said...

ohh, um then I mean..Yeah I'll totally have to go check that shit out! Thanks for steering me in the direction of Edwardian awesomeness :)

Living with Edward said...

@PC: Awwww.

17foreverlisa said...

I haven't drained the box...yet...but I'm working on it.

#9 - Cullens

StarlitViolets said...

Thanks Jen!

Twired Jen said...

:)

Twired Jen said...

#10 labia majora

Porphyrias_Curse said...

imma be quiet now :)

17foreverlisa said...

Hi, inotu!! Welcome to our crazy Friday world. Hope you like it and come back ;)

@PC - Ka-ching!

#11 - Cullens

Living with Edward said...

Edward says Distal Falangi for 10.

StarlitViolets said...

NOOOO! Be wordy bitches! This is going slooooooow!

inotu said...

Enjoyed last week. But wow, can't keep up

17foreverlisa said...

Where the hell did you go, Mrs. P?

Living with Edward said...

Then he yelled at me for spelling Falangi wrong.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Holy hell...freakin' internet is being all choppy.

inotu said...

What number

Porphyrias_Curse said...

12 i think

Twired Jen said...

#12 RED

Porphyrias_Curse said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
StarlitViolets said...

We need #12 Adjective. :) Welcome inotu!

Mrs. P - I think it's Blogger.

Twired Jen said...

I love F5...makes refreshing and seeing what # we are on so much faster :)

Porphyrias_Curse said...

13 noun asshat

StarlitViolets said...

#13 then. Hee hee!

17foreverlisa said...

@inotu - I wasn't here last time. Glad you came back for more then, and I hope I'm not the one to scare you off for next week, then.

So what does inotu stand for if I can be so bold.

@Mrs. P are you using Mackie or your iPad. (That doesn't sound quite right, does it?)

StarlitViolets said...

Fuck me!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

13) Nipple

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

13) Nipple

inotu said...

#14 dysfunctional

Twired Jen said...

#14 glittery

Porphyrias_Curse said...

14 adj tawdry

17foreverlisa said...

F5? How do you know these things and I don't, Jen??

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

I just double nippled.

I'm using Mackie...but my connection has been bad since the thunderstorm

inotu said...

@17foreverlisa you coming to Forks? It's my name backwards sort of

17foreverlisa said...

F5 rocks cocks!

#15 butt cheeks

Porphyrias_Curse said...

double nipples are good, its tripple nipples that get frightening

StarlitViolets said...

You don't use F5, Lisa??? No wonder you have trouble keeping up at times!

Twired Jen said...

Lisa- Musing Bella told me awhile back when I couldn't keep up. It's a life saver.

Living with Edward said...

@Mrs. P: We would be concerned for you if your weren't a double nippler.

Living with Edward said...

@Mrs. P: We would be concerned for you if your weren't a double nippler.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

16 orgasms

Living with Edward said...

What a coincedence that that was the comment that posted twice. Oh for crying out loud.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

17. Goatse. Go on, look it up. Now we've all learned something.

17foreverlisa said...

@Mrs. P - Gotcha.

@inotu - So you are Toni? LOL! And, yes, I am most definitely going to Forks. Are you?

Twired Jen said...

#16 Crackberries

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

16) floggers

@LWE...LMAO!

inotu said...

Yes Forks... Can. Not. Wait.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

17 vibrating butt pluggs

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

i'm not touching #18...LMAO!

Living with Edward said...

I told my husband that we are going to play real life DML in FOORRKKSS. He asked how would that work? So I told him, "Uh, we just all sit in a room and play Mad Libs."

This from the guy who mastered the Rubik's Cube.

Living with Edward said...

18. Mini Edward

StarlitViolets said...

LMAO!!! It will be EPIC!!!

Twired Jen said...

19. Number: 107

inotu said...

#19 109

Porphyrias_Curse said...

hey is there going to be a dml next week for those of us too socioeconomically downtrodden to make the pilgrimage?

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@LwE, that's hilarious. You did leave out one big part of the explanation though, which might account for his confusion: the DRINKING!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

20-testicles

Living with Edward said...

@PC: don't think so, we will all be at a bonfire.

17foreverlisa said...

I Googled goatse for everyone. You know you wanted to. According to Urban Dictionary:

A disgusting picture of a man stretching his anus extremely wide. One of the oldest jokes on the internet is to link the picture to internet forums and chatrooms, renamed to look like something else like "happybunnies.jpg" . Often causes people to freak out.

Oh. My. Hell. MACIAXKR.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

@LWE---he thought too hard! He was thinking we would all have to log in somehow...lmao!

StarlitViolets said...

Forks isn't until the 30th, PC. Yes, there will be DML next week. :)

My After Car Is An XKR said...

21. Unicorns

Twired Jen said...

21. ass cheeks

Living with Edward said...

@AfterCar: He did ask if there would be drinking. LOL

17foreverlisa said...

There will be a DML next Friday. It's the following Friday that there won't be one (first Friday in October).

Twired Jen said...

I found a tiny plastic deer/buck? in the drawer at work...anyone want him for their PE??? lol I'm tweeting a pic.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

heh, yeah I totally meant the weekend of the 30th...damn, guess i'll just have to go drown my sorrows @ the karaoke bar

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Wait....forks is in two weeks. DOn't go to the airport next week LWE!

inotu said...

I'm picturing us all hanging out with our laptops, or ipads in my case drinking and playing mad libs. Sitting. Next. To. Each. Other.

StarlitViolets said...

I'll be back in a jiffy with results from #1 and the second list! :)

17foreverlisa said...

@LwE - Real Life DML would be fun. I know that's what Mox and her gang does at The Ranch. Where is Mox?? And Sharon??

Living with Edward said...

@PC: sorry about the timing there didn't think about that. 2 weeks there won't be DML.

@Mrs. P: I'm sure we will all have our computers and could do it anyway. I said to DD a couple weeks ago that we will all be in the same hotel probably still using twitter to comunicate with each other.

Twired Jen said...

Gotta go peeps! xoxo (at work)

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@17foreverlisa - I did my homework this time :) One solid hour of trolling urban dictionary, and I was armed and ready. I couldn't seem to figure out this game last time (I drank a little less tonight) so I wanted to be ready! As always, you're welcome.

Living with Edward said...

@Jen: I do! I do! LOL

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

I'm not bringing anything but my phone. I want to have my head up at all times. I don't trust you people enough...LOLOL!!!

17foreverlisa said...

@LwE - When Mama Cougar and I went to Chicago to watch Eclipse at the IMAX, that's what we were doing in our hotel room. (Don't let her tell you otherwise!) I had my BlackBerry and she had her iPad and we were talking smack on twitter. Crazy.

Living with Edward said...

@Mrs. P: I thought I would just camp out there. Do you think that would be a security issue???

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@inotu... that would be sad. And also, very similar to Mr. XKR's fantasy football draft. And by similar, I mean that's exactly what they do.

17foreverlisa said...

@After Car (is that the shortened version?) - Good call on the homework.

Living with Edward said...

@Lisa: I remember those twitter smacks. That was too funny.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

@LWE...that's awesome. I think you should wash your hair in the airport bathroom sink too. LOLOL!

@SV...awesome DML even if I didn't get any words in (i think). DAMN YOU THUNDER!!!

inotu said...

Who else is going to Forks?

17foreverlisa said...

FORKS!!!!!!!!! Ok. Son just got home from work. Going to visit a little bit and check back. If not, I'll see some/all of you on twitter.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@17foreverlisa - Any shorter version you want. Didn't so much think through typing out the name repeatedly when I created it. Logging into anything is now super-fun. #sarcasm.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@inotu MEEEE!!

StarlitViolets said...

LMFAO!!! Okay - do you ladies have my place on webcam or something cuz this is SCARY good!!!

It's UP!

inotu said...

@afterCar Forks Motel? Which days

Porphyrias_Curse said...

lmao @ labia majora prints...so not a good place to get cement

Living with Edward said...

@inotu: I am, with either 1 or more Edwards. But no more than 8. But that may be a bit much. I would be embarassed going through security with eight Edwards in my purse.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

...sigh...I don't get to go to Forks this year becasue noone in my family loves me enough to have gotten my tix for my birthday....damn cheap ass cocksuckers....

inotu said...

@LwE 8... Awesome. I'll have one. Hmm, how will I mark him to ensure he doesn't get mixed-up with your 8?

Living with Edward said...

Great Lib! If only I could really get mini Edward to sign autographs for 107 dollar a piece. sigh.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

lol, I met with my friend from out of town last week and I pulled my Mini E out of my purse for a sec and she countered with a mini jacob in hers.....mine totally hicked his ass.

inotu said...

#1 cumbersome

Porphyrias_Curse said...

so...on to lib # 2?

Living with Edward said...

@inotu: almost eveyone will have one. I do have 2 shirts that I made for a couple of mine so they won't get mixed up.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

@inotu just Thursday, then staying on the beach at La Push Fri and Sat, but I will be at most/all Twitarded festivities... I'll be the one with my Mom in tow :D

Living with Edward said...

@PC: That is a great story.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

2) adj phosphorescent

StarlitViolets said...

Okay ladies! It's time to start list #2. Who's first???

inotu said...

@pc my Dh threatened mini E with his bioshock creepy dude, but I told him ME would kick his ass since Bioshock isn't real it's just a video game

My After Car Is An XKR said...

LMFAO.... srsly, choking on wine. 1st Mad Lib = success!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

lol inotu, thats awesome

inotu said...

#3 oscillating

StarlitViolets said...

LOVE "phosphorescent"!!!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

4 pogosticking zombie jesus

Living with Edward said...

5. Butter Nut Squash

StarlitViolets said...

@inotu - Tell him you have Mr. Bubbles to protect you, like the Little Sisters do!!! LMAO! Mr. SV plays Bioshock too!

My After Car Is An XKR said...

6. beef curtains

Porphyrias_Curse said...

6 nipple clamps

Porphyrias_Curse said...

7 whorishly

StarlitViolets said...

@PC - Can you give me a new #4 Noun???

Porphyrias_Curse said...

sure 4 noun ...troglodite

StarlitViolets said...

Thanks, bb! MWAH! xoxoxo

My After Car Is An XKR said...

LOL, troglodite.

StarlitViolets said...

Now we need #8 Verb.

Porphyrias_Curse said...

8 v thrust.....

StarlitViolets said...

Just googled "troglodite" and there were 6 completely different definitions! LOL! Care to define???

Living with Edward said...

9 sticky

Porphyrias_Curse said...

I feel like Im being a word whore....I'm not answering for a while..

My After Car Is An XKR said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
My After Car Is An XKR said...

10 consummate

Porphyrias_Curse said...

like a caveman, prehistoric and what not

StarlitViolets said...

The #13 Verb will be: lick, from VitaminR70 via Twitter.

inotu said...

11 ball sacks

Living with Edward said...

11. Hottie Pantses

Living with Edward said...

12 messy

Porphyrias_Curse said...

14 adj sploogerriffic

StarlitViolets said...

LOL! Nice one PC!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

thx...pc's tip for the day..any word can become an adj by assing "tastic" "riffic" or "licious" to the end :)

StarlitViolets said...

15. Verb????

inotu said...

Whip 15?

Porphyrias_Curse said...

oops, i meant adding not assing..hehe

StarlitViolets said...

I thought I noticed a pattern... ;)

Living with Edward said...

16. Assintastic

StarlitViolets said...

Thanks inotu!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

...16 adj asstastic

Living with Edward said...

oops meant assingtastic

Porphyrias_Curse said...

lol...great minds...

StarlitViolets said...

Assintastic?

StarlitViolets said...

3 more words girls! We can do it!!!

inotu said...

ObsequIous 17

Porphyrias_Curse said...

im waiting for 18 lol

Living with Edward said...

Isn't it just 2?

Porphyrias_Curse said...

18 ~ ming readers

Living with Edward said...

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

Porphyrias_Curse said...

obsequious...great word :)

StarlitViolets said...

Ming readers and assintastic??? Are these typos?

Porphyrias_Curse said...

lol..no ming readers is an homage to lwe and mini e

Living with Edward said...

Mine is. I meant Assingtastic.

StarlitViolets said...

Okay. :) What about "assintastic?"

Living with Edward said...

SV??? Have you not been keeping up with my blog, young lady???? LOL

StarlitViolets said...

K. Thanks, bb!

I'll be done soon! :)

Porphyrias_Curse said...

like fantastic at assing....being a supreme ass

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