Cheers to Mad Libs

My turn!  I'm feeling a tad bit under the weather so I'm not drinking tonight so everyone else needs to drink for me.  I know you can do it (I'm lookin at you - Jen and Lisa)

TwiredJen at six months old.

Mad Lib #1

1. adjective
2. noun
3. plural noun
4. noun
5. adjective
6. verb (past tense)
7. plural noun
8. noun
9. noun
10. noun
11. noun
12. adjective
13. plural noun

Things Mom Always Said

These are some of the sexually frustrated phrases you might, unfortunately, remember hearing from your mother's Forks;

• "Well, if the other taints jumped off the Brooklyn Vibrator, would you do it, too?"
• "Always wear furry underwear in case you're in an accident."
• "I never klobbered when I was your age."
• "Turn on the penises when you read - you'll go blind."
• "Don't sit so close to the cunt - you'll go blind."
• "Don't use your bald headed mouse to wipe your face.  Always have a clean cum dumpster with you."
• "Put on a warm asshole - you'll catch cold."

I guess when I'm older, I'll impart the same spry wisdom to my pumpkins.

Mad Lib #2

1. adjective
2. plural noun
3. adjective
4. noun
5. Nationality
6. verb (past tense)
7. plural noun
8. adjective
9. adjective
10. adjective
11. adjective
12. part of the body
13. noun
14. adjective

Case History:

Anger Management

Alexander the Great was a fuckable candidate for anger management, because he employed pancakes rather than diplomacy to solve problems.  Here are a few horny examples:

1. A cheaterface once refused to bow to Alexander in the Brazilian fashion, so Alexander had him killed.
2. Some governors stroked during Alexander's absence, so he had them killed.
3. After exploring foreign hairy balls and meeting all kinds of new and jizz covered people, he......well, you know!

One can't help but wonder what scary as hell Alexander was so angry about - other than the fact that his parents were to sccchhhhweaty.  But what I would like to know is:  Once it became clear that young Alex had a flaccid chip on his pinky toe the size of a placemat, whose slippery idea was it to give him his own army?