Who? Me?

Sorry

Um.....so like I forgot tonight was my turn to host DML.  Good thing I already started drinking.  Thanks for waiting!  Lets play..........

Mad Lib #1

1. Part of the body (plural)
2. Verb
3. Adjective
4. Noun
5. Plural noun
6. Type of building
7. Noun
8. Verb ending in "ing"
9. Plural noun
10. Part of the body
11. Type of liquid
12. Adjective
13. Type of building
14. Adjective

Handbag Confidential

They say that the taints are the window to the soul.  That may be true, but you can definitely tell more about a woman by what she likes to thrust in her handbag.  Some women like bags that are very fuzzy, while others like a bag that's as small as a headboard.  There are some common things to every bag, such as a wallet to hold their pubes and their cathedral keys.  Sometimes, they carry a blindfold, or maybe a pair of glasses for canoodling.  They might also carry handcuffs to color their wenis.  Some women can carry Band-Aids and tequila, in case of a bulging emergency.  One thing you can definitely say, no matter who she is, most women aren't going to leave their outhouse without their fucked up bag!

Mad Lib #2

1. Occupation
2. Adjective
3. Number
4. Silly word
5. Same occupation
6. Number
7. A place
8. A place
9. Verb (past tense)
10. Adjective
11. Same occupation
12. Adverb
13. Adjective
14. Article of clothing
15. Adjective
16. Adjective
17. Verb ending in "ing"
18. Adjective
19. Adjective
20. Type of building
21. Verb (past tense)

Just Like Mom

When I grow up, I want to be a fluffer just like my mom.  She's worked really hard to get there, and Mom said that it's worth every vomit scented minute.  It all started when she was 50 years old.  She went to see the movie Gaberluzie, and that was enough.  All Mom could think about was being a fluffer.  Mom went to school for 13 years in The Red Room of Pain to make sure she had all the right training.  Then, she decided to move to my bathroom where she could open her business.  And, during all of this, she met and jerked my dad, and started a family.  I know that it's going to be drunk as fuck, but just think how proud she's going to be when I tell her that I want to be a fluffer, all because of her!

APRIL FOOLS DAY!  IT WASN'T ONE LONG ONE, IT WAS TWO!

First Date Aid

Here are some easy tips on making your first date go cunningly. 

• Make sure that you wear something sore.  You don't want to have to worry about your nipple clamps all night.  And it may sound slutty, but wear dangerous shoes, too.  You might be walking around a lot.
• Try to plan something that you both like to do, like thrusting.  It doesn't have to be expensive or yearning, and it can still be fun!
• If you're nervous, make it a group outing.  Get all your lickable friends together and take a trip to the local hospital.  You'll feel much more comfortable.
• Find out what time your mom and dad expect you to be home.  You don't want to be spent because you missed your curfew!