Directions

*Pour yourself a glass or four.

*Type ONE ANSWER per comment.

*Write the number, type of word, and your word (i.e. #1 Noun: labia).

*Make it DIRTY.

*Make it CRUDE.

*Make it Twilight-related. (semi-optional)

*Make one of the words “taint." It's a must. The word "taint" is funny ALL THE TIME.

*Oh yeah, I know we'll be a tad bit tipsy, but try to read the other comments,
so we know what number we're on and don't have any repeats.

-Mox

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Fuckhawt Twi-Chicks!

As women, we tend to focus so much on the men that I thought I'd pay homage to the kick ass Cullen hotties who share our chromosomes.  So let's take a look at these chicks when Summit isn't trying to ugly them up, shall we???

See? MUCH prettier.


Phenomenal beauty that has been under that Rosalie funk!

FUCKING GORGEOUS!


DAYUM!
 Alrighty - now that we're all feeling a little less pretty, let's have one last pic to fix that...



All better now?  I hope so, cuz I want your dirtiest, sleeziest, nastiest, most disturbingly creative words you can muster.  Let's do this!

Mad Lib #1

1.  Adjective
2.  Number
3.  Plural Noun
4.  Animal
5.  Noun
6.  Verb ending in "ing"
7.  Adjective
8.  Verb ending in "ing"
9.  Verb ending in "ing"
10.  Number
11.  Plural Noun
12.  Number
13.  Noun
14.  Noun
15.  Noun
16.  Adverb

Vacation Sports

There are many new and fugly things you can do on your vacation now.  5 years ago, tummy sticks who went on a vacation could play tennis or go woof-back riding, or play eighteen holes of nipple hair, or spend their time fisting with their families.  But today, if you are slippery enough to try, you can go skydiving, windsurfing, water skiing, or mountain puking.  Skydiving is the most fun, if you are not afraid of snarfing.  First, you strap on 17 parachutes.  Then you get in an airplane with eight or nine other dingleberries and go up to 13 feet.  Then you open the door and jump out.  Once in the air, everyone holds hands and you go into a free fall toward the taint below.  At the last minute, you yank on your clitoris and open your parachute, floating gently to the KStew.  It is a lot of fun if you like to live stealthily.

Mad Lib #2

1.  Name of Twilight Character
2.  Noun
3.  Noun
4.  Noun
5.  Noun
6.  Adjective
7.  Adjective
8.  Adjective
9.  Noun
10.  Noun
11.  Noun
12.  Verb
13.  Adverb
14.  Noun
15.  Adjective
16.  Adjective
17.  Number
18.  Noun
19.  Verb Past Tense

 
A Rare Medium

The sign read "Madam Alice, Have Your Orgasm Told Today."  Taking a deep your mom, I opened the pink python and went inside.  In the center of the room, seated behind a large feed sack, was the Madam.  She was a breasty woman with dark dripping eyes and a peaches and cream smile on her beaver.  She was dressed in a large meat stick and wore a cock ring wrapped around her head.  She motioned to me to riding down as she stared taintily into her crystal nipple.  A purple look came over her throbbing face.  She told me something I didn't want to hear.  "If you want your fortune told, it's 24 dollars." I leapt out of my asshole and fucked out the door.

164 comments:

17foreverlisa said...

1 fugly

Jaymes805 said...

what up bitches?!? Sorry that was rude.

What up h00rs?!?! Starlitvoilets you are awesome and just made me jizz my pants. A picture of Jackson on this post = PHENOMENAL!!!

BTW I've missed u!!!

Jaymes805 said...

2. 5

17foreverlisa said...

Well look at that. I'm first. It's been awhile. Hey, SV! Love what you've done with the place :)

Jaymes805 said...

It looks gooooood!

StarlitViolets said...

Welcome my h00rs!

Thanks Lisa! I went a little crazy today. ;)

I'm so glad to be back and hosting! I can't wait to read the shit you ladies come up with.

StarlitViolets said...

I've missed you too Jaymers! :) Drink an extra one for me!

And I'm glad you like the new digs.

Jaymes805 said...

3. Tummy sticks

Lani LCM174ev said...

3. fangs

StarlitViolets said...

ROTFLMFAO!!!! @ Tummy Sticks!!! I FLOVE that movie!

Lani LCM174ev said...

Hey

Jaymes805 said...

Haha I'm trying to drink but I've been sick so we'll see how it goes. First bronchitis for 30 days, then pink eye, now another cold. Bastard immune system!

Lani LCM174ev said...

4. Woof

fanficzombie said...

Drive by waves and loves to you all...I can't play tonight but wanted to say hi and all that!! have fun..drink some for me..i am a sad sober panda -- but off to watch some daddy C on Nurse jackie.. COOP -- that will make me all better...have fun ladies

TigerlilyRose said...

yummmy jackson, ashley and nikki! DAYUM

#3 short and curlies

Jaymes805 said...

Hiiii Lani!

Lani LCM174ev said...

woofs I mean

TigerlilyRose said...

5. nipple hair

Lani LCM174ev said...

Hi, so I was serious when I said I am not shy, but then watch me clam up as soon as we get there!

TigerlilyRose said...

6. fisting

TigerlilyRose said...

Welcome new ho bag to the raunchiness that is DML...we love you already!

StarlitViolets said...

Damn TLR! You're on a ROLL tonight! Atta girl! LMAO!

Living with Edward said...

I FLOVE the new layout!

Jaymes805 said...

SV-
have you been over to http://rathgasm101.blogspot.com yet? It's my new home.. or one of them. Lisa made the GORGEOUS humpworthy banner. :)

Jaymes805 said...

LEW!!!!!

17foreverlisa said...

Hello Jamie, Lani, TR! Bye FFZ!!

TigerlilyRose said...

where is miss moxie? FFZ? hello?

Jaymes805 said...

Lol Lani if you clam up, I'll hug you and force you to unclam. That sounds weird.

Lani LCM174ev said...

7. Slippery

TigerlilyRose said...

Hello Lisa....Jayme, you have a new RathBONE blog? yay you!

Lani LCM174ev said...

HAHAHA! Jamie wants to unclam me!

Twired Jen said...

Hi sorry I'm late...kinda felt off when I got home...haven't even had any wine yet.

StarlitViolets said...

Hi LWE!!! I'm so glad you like it! :) Good to see ya bb!

Jaymes - I will make it a point to check it out. ;)

FFZ - Sorry you couldn't stay. Hi and bye!

Twired Jen said...

8. Puking

Living with Edward said...

JAMIE!!!

TigerlilyRose said...

8. slobbering

Jaymes805 said...

TR yesssss I do!! It's like a month old or so. I think I'm only at 8 posts. It's pretty though thanks to Lisa. And Jackson of course ;)

Lani LCM174ev said...

WAVES HI @ my fellow 17yrold

Jaymes805 said...

9. snarfing

TigerlilyRose said...

bye FFZ....POUTY face on TLR....miss you already

Living with Edward said...

Oh, I have a bad headache. I should not have yelled.

StarlitViolets said...

JEN!!! I miss you! Let's get sauced and talk dirty to each other.

Lani LCM174ev said...

9. Dry humping

17foreverlisa said...

LwE! *tackle hugs*

*blushes* Thanks, Jamie. You had a vision for it, though. Definitely a collab effort.

Jaymes805 said...

Aw Jen.. hope you feel better!! I'll drink wine for you.

Jaymes805 said...

@ Lisa- definitely going to have you do the BP banner one day if I ever decide to change it up :)

Twired Jen said...

SV- Hey sweets! Love the gorgeous pics. I'm going to hold off on the wine for a bit...tummy is weird.

17foreverlisa said...

10 17

TigerlilyRose said...

10. 17

StarlitViolets said...

Oh how I wish you'd made it for #9, Lani! LOL!

TigerlilyRose said...

ROFL>>>>LISA!

Twired Jen said...

Gah I did 17 too and blogger froze...piece o' shit.

17foreverlisa said...

Lani, I love how you are staying on task :)

Jen, mine tummy feels off tonight too :(

Jaymes805 said...

Lani can have # 9- I bequeef it to her.

Twired Jen said...

11. dingleberries

TigerlilyRose said...

11 pl noun....scrotes

Lani LCM174ev said...

Blogger keep cock blocking me because we are all trying to post at the same time.

TigerlilyRose said...

ROFL JEN....

StarlitViolets said...

LOL! Good one Jen! I hope your tummy feels better soon.

Jaymes805 said...

Im super freaked out. When I got home our glass sliding door was unlocked and Amanda swears she didnt unlock it last night or today. Uh ohs. :(

Jaymes805 said...

13. taint

libbybelle said...

can i play? i just poured some wine.

Jaymes805 said...

I know that no one did 12 yet, im just assuming it will be #17 haha

Twired Jen said...

J- Hope the boogie man isn't hiding in your closet!

TLL- Hi sweets.

libbybelle said...

14. clitoris

Lani LCM174ev said...

Thanks Lisa, I try, it also helps that I am totally sober tonight! :(

StarlitViolets said...

Jamie - I'm sure it was just one of you by accident, but just in case, make sure everything is in its place.

TigerlilyRose said...

libbibelle YES!!

Twired Jen said...

15. KStew

Lani LCM174ev said...

Jesus Jamie! That scares the shit out of me!
HEY LIBBY!

Living with Edward said...

Lisa, you shouldn't tackle hug people who have bad headaches. LOL I love you too!! Can't wait to see you in a few weeks!

Jaymes805 said...

@jen- amanda isnt coming home tonight either... spooky!!! Gonna sleep w/ lights on

Lani LCM174ev said...

That was a FAST one tonight.

TigerlilyRose said...

16 taintly...is that a word? it is now

17foreverlisa said...

Welcome, Libby!

Sorry, LwE. Actually, I shouldn't tackle hug anyone unless I want them to be crushed ;)

libbybelle said...

are we done? i had so many filthy words to share!

TigerlilyRose said...

bbl...have to tuck in the little one.

inotu said...

Crap, did I miss the whole thing?

StarlitViolets said...

We still need #16. Cuz taint was already used.

Jaymes805 said...

Is it just 1 tonight or is there another?

Living with Edward said...

@Lisa: Don't ever assume that someone doesn't want to be crushed. LOL

Lani LCM174ev said...

Um, we need a #2. I have nothing better to do than be dirty with you H00RS!

StarlitViolets said...

We'll do a second one in a sec...

StarlitViolets said...

Adverb anyone???

Lani LCM174ev said...

16. Stealthly

libbybelle said...

@lani i also have nothing better to do. kids in bed hubbs is wathcing a shitastic movie!

what else do boring hoors do on a friday night? catch up on fic?

inotu said...

sleezily?

Jaymes805 said...

I'm so excited I have allllll weekend to read EP :)

Lani LCM174ev said...

damn straight Libby!

StarlitViolets said...

Okay - I'll bbs with the results of this one and the second list. :)

Lani LCM174ev said...

I wish Forks was next weekend! I want to get the hell out of town!

libbybelle said...

@jaymes805 i think i'm gonna try and catch up on Righteous and Wicked. the lemons are panty wetters!

Jaymes805 said...

lol panty wetters are good!

libbybelle said...

is carlisle's wig considered a twilight charachter?

okay 1. Alice

17foreverlisa said...

LwE, where is DD tonight?

Hi, inotu. SV is coming back with a second one :)

Lani LCM174ev said...

2. orgasm

TigerlilyRose said...

Jayme I am following you.....bwahahahaha!

inotu said...

Hi, it's been a while.

inotu said...

3. your mom

StarlitViolets said...

Hey INOTU!!!! MWAH!!!

17foreverlisa said...

LOL! First one turned out great everyone.

...yank on your clitoris and open your parachute, floating gently to the KStew. Oh my.

inotu said...

Hi SV, how's it goin?

TigerlilyRose said...

4. pink Python

Dangrdafne said...

Lurking with headache *shhhhh*

Jaymes805 said...

BTW Jackson's episode of Criminal Minds is on tonight. Might be on right now depending on where you live. It's on A&E at 9:00pm PST.

inotu said...

Oh no, DD. I hate headaches.

TigerlilyRose said...

5. feedsack

StarlitViolets said...

Feel better DD and LWE. I know what it is to feel that pain. :( BUT - laughter is the best medicine. ;)

inotu said...

6. Breasty, that's an adjective, right?

TigerlilyRose said...

to all those with headaches...they are evil and I am feeling for you. nothing is worse really.

StarlitViolets said...

Come on ladies, we can do this. :) Fire away!

libbybelle said...

7. dripping

TigerlilyRose said...

lol inotu it is now!

StarlitViolets said...

inotu - "Breasty" is totally an adjective. ;)

TigerlilyRose said...

8. peaches and cream

Living with Edward said...

@Lisa: It appears DD and I are suffering from the same confliction tonight. We are headachey lurkers.

@inotu: Your mom!!! Yes!

inotu said...

9 a beaver

libbybelle said...

@tigerlily did you mean peaches and creaming? lmao!

inotu said...

@LwE everyone needs a good your mom joke, right?

TigerlilyRose said...

LOL> LWE i think you meant affliction not confliction...LOL

libbybelle said...

oh shit ignore previous comments.....was looking at #1 not #2. hubs was distracting me!

TigerlilyRose said...

@libbybelle. lol no i mean peaches and cream as in the appearance of color

Living with Edward said...

@inotu: that is the motto we bounty hunters live by.

@TLR: I have no idea what I meant. LOL I'm actually trying to write a canon FF piece at the moment set in the late 20's. Edward may be going to the disco. I may need a beta for this chapter. LOL

TigerlilyRose said...

10. meatstick

Lani LCM174ev said...

10. cockring

inotu said...

@LwE my favorite bounty hunter... so thorough

TigerlilyRose said...

LWE...ROFL.. the disco in the 20s....nothing like rewriting history! You go babe!

StarlitViolets said...

Lani - I'll make #11 cock ring. :)

Lani LCM174ev said...

12. groping

17foreverlisa said...

That stinks, LwE :(

Ok, kidz. I have to get going. I have to go and pick up Travis's girlfriend. She came home from college for the weekend because it's his birthday tomorrow.

XO

libbybelle said...

12. riding

Living with Edward said...

@TLR: Uh oh, I think Edward is now listening to a Beastie Boys cd while riding a dinasour to see Jesus speak.

TigerlilyRose said...

Happy Birthday Travis!!! WLY

Lani LCM174ev said...

Libby where did ya go?

TigerlilyRose said...

TEEHEE LWE...I love it!

inotu said...

@LwE listening to beastie boys, your edward rocks

TigerlilyRose said...

taintly #13...Like saintly but with taints

libbybelle said...

I'm here lani, just was distracted for a moment. the hubs always needs attention at the most inconvenient times!

inotu said...

13. cunningly

StarlitViolets said...

TLR - It'll have to be "taintily" - is that okay?

Lani LCM174ev said...

14. Nipple

libbybelle said...

14. scrotum

TigerlilyRose said...

lol...yes SV it is okay

Lani LCM174ev said...

I hear that Libby, Wesley is the same!

TigerlilyRose said...

15. purple

Lani LCM174ev said...

16. throbbing

TigerlilyRose said...

17. 24

libbybelle said...

18. ass hole

TigerlilyRose said...

19. fucked

Living with Edward said...

@inotu: yep, my Edward is a bad boy. He even kills people. That's why all the girls love him.

TigerlilyRose said...

ok, girls i am outta here for the mo. be back on twitter later...i think....

libbybelle said...

@living with edward

was your edward the one who died your dog purple?

StarlitViolets said...

DONE!!! Great job ladies!!!

Thanks for making me laugh!

Jaymes805 said...

Shit, I missed so much. Was trying to update Rathgasm 101 and tweet and drink.

Living with Edward said...

@inotu: I just realized! I'm writing about the time Edward parted from Carlisle to hunt humans. But he only killed murderers and the such. He's practically a damn bounty hunter!!! Holy crap, that was totally my subconsious doing that! Well, they say to write about what you know. ;)

Lani LCM174ev said...

We made that one our bitch! So what all will we do in FORKS Jamie?

Living with Edward said...

@Libby: That was my mini Edward. LOL

TigerlilyRose said...

ROFLMAO....leapt out of my asshole and fucked out the door.....peaches and cream smile on her beaver....OMFG...too funny!

TigerlilyRose said...

Thanks to you, SV for hosting an excellent DML once again!

inotu said...

@LwE did'nt I tell you to write a bounty hunter fic? that's awesome.

libbybelle said...

well this was fun! i love dirty twihoors!

Lani LCM174ev said...

see you on Twitter

libbybelle said...

laters!

Yvetteqmed said...

7. dripping