The Fuckhawt Twi-Chicks!

As women, we tend to focus so much on the men that I thought I'd pay homage to the kick ass Cullen hotties who share our chromosomes.  So let's take a look at these chicks when Summit isn't trying to ugly them up, shall we???

See? MUCH prettier.



Phenomenal beauty that has been under that Rosalie funk!



FUCKING GORGEOUS!



DAYUM!

 Alrighty - now that we're all feeling a little less pretty, let's have one last pic to fix that...

All better now?  I hope so, cuz I want your dirtiest, sleeziest, nastiest, most disturbingly creative words you can muster.  Let's do this!

Mad Lib #1

1.  Adjective

2.  Number

3.  Plural Noun

4.  Animal

5.  Noun

6.  Verb ending in "ing"

7.  Adjective

8.  Verb ending in "ing"

9.  Verb ending in "ing"

10.  Number

11.  Plural Noun

12.  Number

13.  Noun

14.  Noun

15.  Noun

16.  Adverb

Vacation Sports

There are many new and fugly things you can do on your vacation now.  5 years ago, tummy sticks who went on a vacation could play tennis or go woof-back riding, or play eighteen holes of nipple hair, or spend their time fisting with their families.  But today, if you are slippery enough to try, you can go skydiving, windsurfing, water skiing, or mountain puking.  Skydiving is the most fun, if you are not afraid of snarfing.  First, you strap on 17 parachutes.  Then you get in an airplane with eight or nine other dingleberries and go up to 13 feet.  Then you open the door and jump out.  Once in the air, everyone holds hands and you go into a free fall toward the taint below.  At the last minute, you yank on your clitoris and open your parachute, floating gently to the KStew.  It is a lot of fun if you like to live stealthily.

Mad Lib #2

1.  Name of Twilight Character

2.  Noun

3.  Noun

4.  Noun

5.  Noun

6.  Adjective

7.  Adjective

8.  Adjective

9.  Noun

10.  Noun

11.  Noun

12.  Verb

13.  Adverb

14.  Noun

15.  Adjective

16.  Adjective

17.  Number

18.  Noun

19.  Verb Past Tense

 

A Rare Medium

The sign read "Madam Alice, Have Your Orgasm Told Today."  Taking a deep your mom, I opened the pink python and went inside.  In the center of the room, seated behind a large feed sack, was the Madam.  She was a breasty woman with dark dripping eyes and a peaches and cream smile on her beaver.  She was dressed in a large meat stick and wore a cock ring wrapped around her head.  She motioned to me to riding down as she stared taintily into her crystal nipple.  A purple look came over her throbbing face.  She told me something I didn't want to hear.  "If you want your fortune told, it's 24 dollars." I leapt out of my asshole and fucked out the door.