Directions

*Pour yourself a glass or four.

*Type ONE ANSWER per comment.

*Write the number, type of word, and your word (i.e. #1 Noun: labia).

*Make it DIRTY.

*Make it CRUDE.

*Make it Twilight-related. (semi-optional)

*Make one of the words “taint." It's a must. The word "taint" is funny ALL THE TIME.

*Oh yeah, I know we'll be a tad bit tipsy, but try to read the other comments,
so we know what number we're on and don't have any repeats.

-Mox

Friday, February 18, 2011

I used to read Vonnegut, now I read smut.

I've been singing the praises of J. R. Ward's "Black Dagger Brotherhood" series since my husband bought them for me for my birthday.  Thanks honey....you have been and will continue to be rewarded.

If you like your smut dark and urban and, well, pretty damn cheesy, you'll love these books.


YUMMERS!!!!!
Someone's interpretation of the character Rhage (yes all the character's names are stupid along with their vernacular, but they really know their cunnilingus). 

Now that you hopefully have your minds firmly in the gutter.....lets play Drunk Mad Libs!

  1. Adjective
  2. Plural noun
  3. Plural noun
  4. Adjective
  5. Adjective
  6. Adjective
  7. Color
  8. Number
  9. Adjective
  10. Verb
  11. Plural noun
  12. Same plural noun (I hope this doesn't confuse you drunk bitches)
  13. Adjective
  14. Type of liquid
  15. Adjective
  16. Adjective
Do it Herself! 
Part One

You might think you have to be totally smutty to make all sorts of labia for you and your friends, but it's not that difficult.  You can make lots of cool breasts with only a few tools and a few things from the sexy store.  Here are a couple of quick projects you can complete in tainted time:
  • Chafed Headband - Take a plain, purple headband and 17 small beads in your favorite color:  Using a creepy glue, buzzzzz the beads to the headband and allow to dry.
  • Personal Stationary - Buy some plain sheets of batteries and some rubber stamps and inks that you like.  Decorate the batteries with the stamps.
  • Vibrating Vase - Carefully wash an empty spunk can and dry.  Find a piece of cavernous paper, and glue it to the can.  Now you have an irritable for fresh flowers.
Mad Lib #2

  1. adjective
  2. adjective
  3. plural noun
  4. noun
  5. liquid
  6. adjective
  7. adjective
  8. plural noun
  9. adjective
  10. type of food
  11. another type of food
  12. type of container
  13. adjective
  14. noun
  15. verb ending in "s"
Do It Herself!
Part Two

Here are some other grody projects that you can do:
  • Flower Power - Take a crazy hairy container and fill it with some spunk cans.  Then, plant the seeds of your favorite gash, water them with pee, and in no time you'll have a hairless garden.
  • Picture That - Take a plain, musty picture frame and decorate it with lots of whips.  Then, put a picture of your best buds in it and give it as a gift.
  • On the Road Trail Mix - Why bother buying trail mix for those long rides in the car?  It's just as easy to make your own.  Take some welted cereal, and mix it with some wieners and jolly ranchers in a big spunk can.  It's unruly!
  • So, just remember what every Diva Pimpmobile knows, when she wants something done, she runs it herself!

170 comments:

Musing Bella said...

1 - smutty!!!

What uuuuuuuuuuup?

Mrs. P said...

Mox! Good for you on the smut reading. I myself am immersed in historical smut. I like the dresses...

mmMoxie said...

HEHE. Nice way to start MB!

Mrs. P said...

2) labia

mmMoxie said...

@Mrs. P - Its a whole new world for me. I need to buy stock in Duracell.

Musing Bella said...

I like all kinds and periods of smut. I am an equal opportunity smut-whore. :) Hi ladies!

Musing Bella said...

3 - breasts

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Really...well I think I need to start visiting this century in the smut.

mmMoxie said...

@Mrs P - May I recommend the Black Dagger Brotherhood series? LOL

Musing Bella said...

You should! I recommended several to Mox, although one she didn't like. I think it's because it was about a guy named Jacob, and she is just too firmly anti-Team-Jacob. ;)

Musing Bella said...

Where is everyone else? Are we gonna have to knock this out by ourselves?

fanficzombie said...

blogger keeps jamming me up tonight damnit

Dangrdafne said...

4. sexy

mmMoxie said...

@MB - it wasn't the name I had an issue with, it was the atrocious writing. LOL I finished "Shadow Game". It was better, but I think I'm going to get the other JR Ward series next.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

4) moisturized

mmMoxie said...

Heeeelloooooo DD & FFZ!

17foreverlisa said...

Mox!!! Where the hell have you been?

My cell is about dead and I can't see the list from here, so I can't play. I would throw taint out there though at the first opportunity.

Have been out to eat with sister and hubs. Not home yet.

XO

fanficzombie said...

#5 tainted

fanficzombie said...

does that count as taint?? LOL

mmMoxie said...

@Mrs. P - can I use "moisturizer" for #4.....In this case, "moisturized" would be more of a verb.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

6) chafed

fanficzombie said...

I got you hooked up Lisa....

Dangrdafne said...

@FFZ now I am singing Tainted Love

mmMoxie said...

Hi Lisa! Miss you! You need to email me the dates you'll be in PHX!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Go ahead mox!

Musing Bella said...

Mox - I know, LOL. The quality of the writing isn't why I read them... ;) I'm reading the Fallen Angels series by JR Ward (Crave and Covet so far) and I love them. They're alot like BDB. And you're right - BDB is the best of the serieses. ? (I know the plural is just series, but I felt it would be confusing)

fanficzombie said...

#7 purple

Living with Edward said...

Good evening. <--- said in the creepy Alfred Hitchcock kind of way.

fanficzombie said...

@dd OMG...that is my favorite dancing song from the clubs...flashback...

Musing Bella said...

@LwE - I read everything you type as though it were said in that voice. Is that wrong?

8 - 17 !!

fanficzombie said...

#8 69

mmMoxie said...

NM abut my ? regarding moisturized. I missed "sexy". I am going to reserve the right to change tense...etc.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

@LWE you rang <~~ said in Lurch's voice

Musing Bella said...

Same goes for Mrs P.

fanficzombie said...

WTF??? am I the only person not reading BBD????

mmMoxie said...

Hiya LWE....nice entrance MWAAAHAHAHAHAHA

TheRugbymom said...

Ha! I just finished reading Don't Bank Like A Douche!

mmMoxie said...

yes FFZ. You are. I suggest you start right away so we can talk about it. My favorite is Rhage :) and all of the batteries are dead in my house.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

9) creepy

Dangrdafne said...

You can use Mrs. P's word if it is funnier :)

PS Hey Mox will you be in the PHX airport Friday 5-13 between 12:45pm and 2pm or Sunday 5-22 between 7am and 9am in the US Airways terminal?? If so, we should try to meet LOL!!! I will be there and it is probably one of the few times I could get to see you this year :)

PPS FFZ I am not reading it.

Musing Bella said...

@Mox - may I recommend investing in a rechargeable battery set?

mmMoxie said...

LOL DD> I don't normally hang out in the airport, but I might if you're gonna be there :)

TheRugbymom said...

I get my batteries in bulk at BJ's!

TheRugbymom said...

10 buzzzzzzz

Living with Edward said...

@MB: Yes that is wrong. I only use the Hitchcock voice on occasion. If you are going to put a permenant voice on anything I type you should use the scary voice in the Michael Jackson Thriller video.

@Mrs.P: Lurch is hot.

mmMoxie said...

@MB - It is sad that I know this, but rechargeable batteries don't deliver the same ummmmmm strength, even at full charge.

Musing Bella said...

@Mox - it's a trade-off. ;)

fanficzombie said...

@ mox...you need rechargeables LOL

mmMoxie said...

BTW we're on #11 (plural noun)

Musing Bella said...

Of course, I talk big, but I can't even find my "friend." I think TH found it and threw it out. *hmpf*

Living with Edward said...

@Mox: I did a back handspring too, but none of you could see that.

@TheRugbymom: I should totally write a book called Don't Bank Like A Douche. I wonder if it would be a top seller. The blog post seemed to do alright.

Dangrdafne said...

Awwww Mox thanks. I wonder what the cheapest ticket is that could get you into the US Airways terminal so we could see each other.

fanficzombie said...

#10 recharge

mmMoxie said...

@MB sounds like grounds for divorce LOL

fanficzombie said...

#11 batteries

Dangrdafne said...

11. batteries

TheRugbymom said...

@mmMoxie - maybe you'd like to try something with a 12-volt DieHard? with a kick-starter?

Dangrdafne said...

FFZ we are on a roll tonite

Musing Bella said...

@Mox - it could be one other place I haven't looked. That sounds like a job for tonight... (a lot of my stuff is still in boxes from the move)

I'm too confused by 11 and 12 being the same... btw.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Ha! Batteries for the win!

fanficzombie said...

@ MB oh hell noes!!!! Don't you go toy shopping together???

Musing Bella said...

LMAO @ DD and FFZ! Same word - too funny!

mmMoxie said...

@MB - is the "other place" you speak of your cootch? LOL. sorry. I'm drunk.

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

So im guessing...

12) batteries...?

fanficzombie said...

@ dd lol!!!

fanficzombie said...

#13 vibrating

mmMoxie said...

why yes, Mrs. P. #12 IS batteries!

Musing Bella said...

@FFZ - no, he's a little conservative and the idea freaks him out. I think he's of the mind that what he doesn't know won't hurt him, though, and I don't actually know what he'd do if he found my little helper... probably have hurt feelings. :(

Musing Bella said...

@Mox - LOL! Yes - it's THAT cavernous.

15 - cavernous :)

mmMoxie said...

#14...I know you all can think of a type of liquid

TheRugbymom said...

14 spunk

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

14) battery acid

fanficzombie said...

@ mb... dang it... but give it time... mr z was once that way.. you have to break them in slowly

Musing Bella said...

@FFZ - I'm working on it. ;) LOL

mmMoxie said...

ouch Mrs. P

fanficzombie said...

@ Mrs P....OMH .. I was so thinking battery acid too LOL

mmMoxie said...

I don't like to be graphic MB, but if you incorporate the "helper" into the session with the real thing, he may be more accepting of it.

fanficzombie said...

#15 trembling

mmMoxie said...

#16 and we're on to the next one, and you all know the second ML is always the best!

Musing Bella said...

@Mox - thanks for the tip. ;) First step would still be finding it... LOL

fanficzombie said...

@ MB @ mox... agreed...hence the shopping together... he just needs the control...

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Mox...that's exactly how you do it.
OR...your hubs surprises you and pulls one out of nowhere...like a magician.

Musing Bella said...

LMAO - I'm sure he'd love to know we're all discussing his introduction to toys on here. Or maybe that's what he thinks I'm always doing... who can tell? LOL

mmMoxie said...

@Mrs. P - pull it out of where? (bad image in mind)

mmMoxie said...

LADIES> we need #16. Moxie needs a refill and a smoke.

fanficzombie said...

@ mrs p... OMH...I as much as I love 'shopping' w/ Mr. z...i would love it if he surprised me with a new one...

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Mox...nevermind. TMI. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Musing Bella said...

16 - irritable

Musing Bella said...

How's that, sweet Mox?

fanficzombie said...

#16 smokey

fanficzombie said...

@ mox...now go smoke dear...I will smoke a fake electronic cig for you diear

Dangrdafne said...

Oh my

mmMoxie said...

LOL. Thanks MB.

I shall return in five minutes with a finished DML #1, the start of DML #2, a fresh drinkie and nicotine.

Musing Bella said...

LOL! An empty spunk can :)

Living with Edward said...

I don't ever want a spunk can. ew.

Living with Edward said...

1, grody

fanficzombie said...

Is a spunk can ass?? or have I been reading to much slash???

TheRugbymom said...

Ha! Ha! I just noticed that Edward is holding a pen with a naked woman on it - in the DML header! How did I miss that before?

Musing Bella said...

@FFZ - LMAO!

#2 - crazy hairy

fanficzombie said...

#3 spunk cans HOLLA

mmMoxie said...

LOL Rugbymom - I always have a nudie pen inmy purse to offer when someone asks to borrow a pen.

fanficzombie said...

Ok...pardon my absence...I have a special delivery to go make to MB on my other computer.....

Musing Bella said...

Yaaaaaaaay! Everyone please excuse FFZ. It's for a very good cause, or so I hear...

mmMoxie said...

@FFZ - I hope it's not a can of spunk.

TheRugbymom said...

I've seen some spunk cans on xtube, but they aren't empty. . . well . . . not by the end of the video they're not.

mmMoxie said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

mmMoxie said...

we're on #4 of Mad Lib #2 ladies. Lets go. I didn't have to pee during my last break.

Living with Edward said...

oh my god, a spunk can is a real thing???

Musing Bella said...

Mox is pushy tonight. ;)

4 - gash

mmMoxie said...

only when I'm tipsy and have to pee

Living with Edward said...

5. pee

Musing Bella said...

That's alright - you're a stern taskmistress.

mmMoxie said...

LOL MB - thats right. I'm always the DOM never the SUB

TheRugbymom said...

6 hairless

fanficzombie said...

@ MB...go check your inbox...

Musing Bella said...

SQUEEEE!!!

fanficzombie said...

#7 musty

fanficzombie said...

@ MB...I sent as PDF...but I also have as no mobi if you prefer..wasn't sure...

Dangrdafne said...

8. whips

fanficzombie said...

#9 welted (that goes with whips, right DD)

Musing Bella said...

8 - zombies

FFZ - mobi would be awesome, actually. I can read pdf on the comp only. Mobi I can convert. But only if it's not too much trouble - thanks for sending it to me at all!

fanficzombie said...

hey you guys...MB is going to pop her The Office cherry tonight HOLLA

Musing Bella said...

Whoops - ok...

10 - weiner(s)

mmMoxie said...

sorry MB. we're on #10 (type of food)

fanficzombie said...

shit...do you have calibre to convert?? I already shut down that computer....

Musing Bella said...

@FFZ - no worries, bb. I do have calibre, but it SUCKS at converting from pdf. Tried that with EP and it failed.

fanficzombie said...

#11 jolly ranchers

mmMoxie said...

I started reading The Office until it got booted from that FF site. See...I can't even remember the name of the FF site. Oh well. There was some pretty good smut in The Office.

Musing Bella said...

@Mox - thanks! I saw that and corrected. :)

mmMoxie said...

Sorry. MB - I was a little slow with the correction. Thanks for being on your toes :)

mmMoxie said...

we're on #12 (type of container). Do I even need to ask what that will be?

fanficzombie said...

@ mb hmmm...you know...try it...I had one small issue converting this PDF to mobi on calibre...One of the last chapter wigs out...but it only translates to one or two sentences...give it a shot...if it is a hot mess. let me know..i will send you my mobi

Living with Edward said...

12. spunk can

Dangrdafne said...

12. Rubbermaid

mmMoxie said...

LMAO LWE. Thats what I was thinking.

fanficzombie said...

@ mox.. it is worth the full read... do you want me to send to you?? if so send me your email on twitter dm

Musing Bella said...

@FFZ - I will try. Otherwise, I'll just take the laptop and get comfy. :)

Dangrdafne said...

I was trying to do something different - but LwE beat me to it.

Speaking of LwE if you are not already following her blog she only needs 5 more to have 100!! http://livingwithedward.blogspot.com/

Living with Edward said...

It was the obvious choice and I don't really feel like thinking.

fanficzombie said...

uh oh...spunk can was already #3..but it is so bad arse maybe it needs two mentions???

mmMoxie said...

@FFZ - I DMed you on Twitter.

Living with Edward said...

I think DD is my pimp.

mmMoxie said...

Yes! spunk can is worthy of double entry. HA! double entry.

fanficzombie said...

dammit..I am out again to power main computer back up.....

TheRugbymom said...

@Dangrdafne is always so clean and wholesome!

mmMoxie said...

we're on #13 (adjective)

Living with Edward said...

We used it already? Shows how much thinking I really want to do.

Musing Bella said...

@LwE - she does dress pretty nicely... what kind of car does she drive?

Dangrdafne said...

Pimps can be clean and wholesome :)

Musing Bella said...

Poor Mox. We're so unruly.

Ooh!
13 - unruly

Living with Edward said...

One thing I can say about DD's car is it's paid off.

TheRugbymom said...

{{raised eyebrow}}

mmMoxie said...

LOL Thanks MB

Living with Edward said...

Pimps don't have car payments

Musing Bella said...

Mox - you know it, girl. I'm here to help. :)

mmMoxie said...

#14 (noun)

Make it really gross/smutty or bizarre please.

TheRugbymom said...

14 Pimpmobile

mmMoxie said...

I'd say 'Pimpmobile' falls under the "bizarre" category.

Musing Bella said...

LMAO @ RugbyMom! My friend in h.s. had an old, gold Buick and that's what we called it. LOL

mmMoxie said...

#15 (verb ending in "s")

Remember, I hafta pee

TheRugbymom said...

maybe it should even be DangrDafne's Pimpmobile!

Musing Bella said...

15 - runs

as in, Mox runs to the toilet

Living with Edward said...

15 urinates

mmMoxie said...

sweet! Thanks ladies. Be back in a sec w/ the finished product.

Dangrdafne said...

LMAO!!!!

Musing Bella said...

It should DEFINITELY be Dangrdafne's Pimpmobile!

Dangrdafne said...

Oh my

mmMoxie said...

DONE! Thanks for playing guys! I'ma pee then I'll be on twitter.

Dangrdafne said...

"So, just remember what every Diva Pimpmobile knows, when she wants something done, she runs it herself!" Hmmmm it DOES sound like dangrdafne ;)

Amanda said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!