Directions

*Pour yourself a glass or four.

*Type ONE ANSWER per comment.

*Write the number, type of word, and your word (i.e. #1 Noun: labia).

*Make it DIRTY.

*Make it CRUDE.

*Make it Twilight-related. (semi-optional)

*Make one of the words “taint." It's a must. The word "taint" is funny ALL THE TIME.

*Oh yeah, I know we'll be a tad bit tipsy, but try to read the other comments,
so we know what number we're on and don't have any repeats.

-Mox

Friday, March 18, 2011

St. Patrick's Day Shenanigans


Hi! Thank you for being here and for coping with the delay - the stupid MTV Australia "live" feed was actually delayed an hour. Anyway, I figured you all need to calm down and resume breathing fill in time before you watch Leno (not jealous or anything) so I hope we haven't gone too late for y'all.


For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Amy from TwiKiwi. After the Borderline Phenomenal girls did such a wonderful job guest hosting a few weeks back I raised my hand and the gorgeous Lisa sacrificed her spot in the DML schedule for me!

I’ve only discovered this week that ‘Mad Libs’ is a game played in America. Here was I crediting you guys for making this whole thing up all along! You learn something every day. Suffice it to say, I’m new at this, go easy... erm... whatever. I’m also never that great at the whole what’s a verb, what’s a noun thing, so I’ve made loads of these clues a little more specific. We’ll see how it goes!

Hope you’ve got a full glass in your hand...

Thanks to Lani for the great pic!
I have three rules:
Keep it DURTY at all times (Rob likes it that way)
Keep it as IRISH as possible
Have a f*cking awesome time!



Here goes nothin!
  
1.     Item of clothing
2.     Term of endearment
3.     Body part (male)
4.     Noun
5.     Vehicle
6.     Noun
7.     Exclamation
8.     Exclamation
9.     Adjective
10.   Male Twilight character (not a Cullen)
11.   Beverage
12.   Cocktail
13.   Body part (female)
14.   Item of clothing
15.   Song title (fast tempo)
16.   Verb
17.   Verb
18.   Body part (male)
19.   Adjective
20.   Verb
21.   Item of clothing
22.   Noun
23.   Verb
24.   Adjective
25.   Verb (ending in ing)
26.   Name of a hotel
27.   Exclamation
28.   Adjective (plural)
29.   Verb
30.   Feeling
31.   Noun
32.   Song title (slow tempo)
33.   Verb
34.   Verb (past tense)
35.   Adjective
36.   Verb
37.   Body part (female)
38.   Small folklore character ;-)
39.   Noun
40.   Adjective
41.   Title of a Twilight book
42.   Name of a planet

 

St Patrick’s Day Dancing Fun! – Fan Fiction style

Bella and the girls were imbibing in a few pre-match beverages as they primped and preened, banana hammocks strewn all over the bedroom as they were more focussed on getting their drink on than getting ready to go to the St Patrick’s Day party downtown.

“Come on, cunt flaps, Em’s waiting for me and the sooner we get this show on the road, the sooner I can get me some of his hairy balls” Rose practically barked at Bella and Alice.

“Hold your horses, Rose. Good things take time, and I want to look my best for when I see Jazz” Bella rolled her eyes at Alice’s comment and continued to put on her jizz receptacle.

When they were finally out the door they piled into the flying saucer, finally on their way to meet their boys. Bella realised that perhaps the chance of her seeing Edward using his dagger to it’s full potential were reasonably high tonight. As the girls entered the bar, Edward, Emmett and Jasper took one look at their women.

Motherfuckingmonkeyfuckers!” exclaimed Edward. “Bella, where did you get that outfit? You look asshat! wow!”

“Umm, thanks, I think.” Bella mumbled, awkward and stretchy as ever.

Charlie the waiter brought over a tray of drinks to the party of six. “Three clamatoes for the gentlemen, and for you ladies, three panty droppers.”

“Wow, ladies, you’re high rollin tonight!” Jazz exclaimed as the girls sipped their delicious cocktails.

“You know it, Big Boy” oozed Alice as she put her g-spot down his hotpants, causing him to jump a little and turn a brilliant shade of red.

The DJ switched up the sounds and suddenly Anarchy in the UK came on. “OMG OMG OMG! We have to dance, girls!” Bella was literally plugging with excitement. The three girls ran to the dancefloor and started bumping and topping to the beat. Emmett, Jasper and Edward had their choads glued to the girls.

“Yo, we are in for a very crusty evening my brothers!” Emmett muttered.

As the song changed to a slower beat, Bella yearned seductively towards Edward, slowly beckoning for him to join her on the dancefloor. From where he sat, he could see the top of her codpiece, and wondered what else she had in store for him when they got back to his place. He joined her, holding her close. He could feel her rathbulge and wondered if tonight was the night he would finally get to pop her cherry.

Suddenly, the spotlights focused on the bar, upon which appeared a short, greying man wearing a green shirt which proclaimed ‘Fuck me! I’m Irish!.’ He waited until the elaborate drumroll finished before making his announcement. “Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Carlisle’s tavern of Chaos, where every year on March 17th we celebrate all that is Irish with an evening of drinking, masturbating and debauchery. It is my great pleasure to conduct the annual St Patrick’s Day dance competition. The winning couple, judged by myself, will win a luxurious evening for two in the honeymoon suite at the Hilton, Washington’s finest, this very evening”.

Bella, Alice and Rosalie let out a collective ‘Fuckity fuckity fuck!’, practically deafening their lovers. Immediately, all three men were coerced into participating in the competition, although not as reluctant now that they knew an evening with their lovers in a five star hotel was up for grabs.

The competition was to consist of two dances, a slow dance, followed by one with a faster beat. The slow dance would be the easiest, Edward reckoned, because at least he could double penetrate Bella close to him and sway from side to side. The faster beat though, made him all hornaaayyy inside. He could feel his diaper fill with butterflies, so much was riding on this.

The couples stood nervously as the faster beat segued into Let’s Get it On, nice and sloooow. Bella looked around to Alice and Rose, who were both butt-thrusting at their beaus. She glanced at Edward, who looked boned. ‘Oh well,’ she thought to herself, ‘here goes nothing.’

She launched into her nasty routine with Edward, swinging him around and leading him as they swirled around the floor. She whispered in his ear: “Hey Edward... win this for me and tonight, in the hotel room, I will let you shamrock my taint”. His eyes widened, task suddenly focussed. With the amount of sexual tension in the air, the song seemed to last forever.

Finally, Michael Flately, Lord of the Dance, resumed his position to announce the winner. “Ladies and gentlemen, this was the closest year yet. Firstly, a ‘Highly Commended’ goes to this Amazonian Goddess and her Homecoming King over here” –  he gestured to Rose & Emmett.

“In all fairness, love, you were amazing. Your boyfriend seems to have the Blarney Stone in his shoes though. Next, in second place, we have this enthusiastic Irish Pixie over here and her Clitoral Cowboy.” Alice ‘squee’d with excitement, having heard the second prize was dinner for two at The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a swanky restaurant.

“And now, we can announce the winners!” Bella and Edward were momentarily blinded as a large spotlight shone directly on them. “Oh My God, Edward! We did it!” The announcer’s voice was completely eclipsed by Bella’s squeals of delight. Edward had a smile that could be seen from Uranus as the realisation of what this meant dawned on him.

“Come on love, we’ve got somewhere we need to be!”

And with that, he whisked her outside and into a waiting limosine.


Thanks for playing! Here are some pics from my trip to Ireland in 2005. Amy xx





210 comments:

1 – 200 of 210   Newer›   Newest»
TwiKiwi50 said...

Welcome everyone!

mmMoxie said...

#1 banana hammock

mmMoxie said...

Welcome TwiKiwi........I hope your first time is a pleasurable one ;)

Rikki_DD said...

#1 Pattison Panties

TwiKiwi50 said...

Thanks! I'm hoping for some enjoyment after the hideous FAIL that was the non-viewing of the MTV interview!

TwiKiwi50 said...

I wonder if many peeps can't play because of the delay... *looks around*

fanficzombie said...

FML...sorry here I am

fanficzombie said...

Twikiwi I LOL'd that you thought we made up mad libs!!!

TwiKiwi50 said...

Hi FFZ!

fanficzombie said...

Hey lovah!!!

Oh, and how about that for #2??

TwiKiwi50 said...

Hey M!

@FFZ - Um, yeah, I've never heard of Mad Libs before this!

Lovelybrutal said...

first time playing!
#2 My Little Cum Dumpster

Lindsay Rae said...

Hello my lovelies and some I haven't met yet!!

#2 Cunt Flap

17foreverlisa said...

About time. LOL!!! I kept hitting refresh and nada. I tweeted you and nada. I checked my email alerts and nada.

How we doing? Still on a Rob high? The interview was AMAZING. He looked AMAZING. This boxed wine is AMAZING.

TheRugbymom said...

We been drinkin' an extra hour, so we be slow tonite!

fanficzombie said...

Hello Lovelybrutal and Linsday Rae!!

TwiKiwi50 said...

@MuffinTop = what do you mean? I can see you

mmMoxie said...

Wow TK....this must be hard. I have a book so I just fill in the blanks. I don't have to make anything up, which is a good thing....trust me.

TheRugbymom said...

I couldn't stop staring at his FINGERS !!!!

fanficzombie said...

@ Lisa...you are too funny sweets. It was fabulous!! Sigh...

mmMoxie said...

LOL Lisa. I missed you and your boxed wine.

Lindsay Rae said...

ugggggggh, i haven't seen/heard anything today. I've been too busy watching basketball w/ The Bentist.

#3 Prostate

TwiKiwi50 said...

@Lisa - I tweeted you and nada!!

STILL haven't seen the interview. I'm gonna go postal soon if I don't see some clips that can be viewed outside the US.

Up to #3 ladies....

Rikki_DD said...

Last time I played Mad Libs, I was in 4th grade. Think I would've been sent to the prinicpals office if I used some of these terms

Lindsay Rae said...

Lisa, are you keepin' it classy and drinking straight from the bag? It's like a Capri Sun!!

Lindsay Rae said...

I #3'ed!!

fanficzombie said...

Mr. Z was watching Tosh.O .. they showed a pic of a pants model where upon close up...the peen shows...he COULD NOT BELIEVE it... he he he... I had to pull up the green pants shot. He was convinced it was fake.. yeah.. whatever gets you through the night babe LOL

mmMoxie said...

#3 hairy balls

TwiKiwi50 said...

@Mox (and everyone) I wrote the whole thing myself! No cheating here!

#4, anyone?

There's only 1 DML tonight, since it's long... (twss)

mmMoxie said...

@FFZ what green pants shot?

fanficzombie said...

#4 TAINT

TwiKiwi50 said...

@MuffinTop - they were there, and now they're not. Fucking weird. Tweet me some answers if you want.

mmMoxie said...

#4 jiz receptacle

fanficzombie said...

@mox ... rob in the green pants where you can totally see his peen?? GLORIOUSSSSS

TigerlilyRose said...

#4 slit

mmMoxie said...

damn...i'm slow tonight

TheRugbymom said...

Shit. Every time I try to refresh it takes me to my bank web site! WTF??

mmMoxie said...

@FFZ....I don't know that pic! Link me!

I only know the Taylor weiner pic.

fanficzombie said...

#5 crotch rocket

TigerlilyRose said...

5 Vulva....I mean Volvo

mmMoxie said...

#5 flying saucer

mmMoxie said...

FUCK

fanficzombie said...

@ mox https://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/photo.php?fbid=174510365929394&set=a.105171902863241.3077.100001112953956&theater

I think this will work

17foreverlisa said...

Welcome newbies!!

Hey, Mox. *big sloppy smooch*

Lindsay Rae, I am PMSL! When we were traveling for Travis's college spring training baseball trip two years ago, my parents went with us. My parents came to our room to have a drink before we went out to eat. My husband had the fucking bag chilling in ice in the bathroom sink. He said the box took up too much room. My dad who is a wine lover thought he'd raised me better than that.

Lindsay Rae said...

#6 umbrella ...ella ella ay ay ay

TwiKiwi50 said...

OMG this is hilarious. There is a definite advantage to knowing the story in advance....

Where's @TwiredJen tonight? And the BP girls?

TigerlilyRose said...

6. Dagger

Lindsay Rae said...

@Lisa BWAHAHAHA!!!!! That's awesome!!

TheRugbymom said...

7 motherfuckingmonkeyfuckers!!!!

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

#7 shit!

my first time, go easy on me

Lindsay Rae said...

#7 EGADS!

Lovelybrutal said...

How about #5 "broken anal beads" (i was just reading FAP)

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

can I change my number to #8

TigerlilyRose said...

7. Hell fire saves matches, fuck a duck and see what hatches,.,.,too long? Oh FUCK!

Lindsay Rae said...

#9 Stretchy

TwiKiwi50 said...

Special request via twitter from Jamie:

#22 is RATHBULGE

Not that she's predictable or anything

Lindsay Rae said...

@LovelyBrutal FAP? #clueless

Rikki_DD said...

10 Jasper (he's actually a Hale!!!)

mmMoxie said...

@FFZ - that link didn't work.

mmMoxie said...

#11 clamato

TigerlilyRose said...

8. ASSHAT!

17foreverlisa said...

TK50 - Jen is out celebrating her dad's 60th birthday tonight. The girls from BP were going to happy hour. Maybe too much happy? Dangrdafne is out of town. Not sure where LwE is though.

Lindsay Rae said...

@mmMoxie clamato? eeewwww...

#12 Panty Dropper

Rikk_DD said...

11 irish car bomb

TheRugbymom said...

@mmMoxie - look up The Cold Shower blog and check out the Robp33n Wednesday posts. You'll see it there.

TwiKiwi50 said...

@Ricki - Jasper doesn't count. We need a new #10.

You guys are cracking me up! So hard to keep up!

*waves* to anyone new xxx

fanficzombie said...

@ mox... yeah..it is hard to share robporn when I don't actually have any stored on my own computer *eghads*

17foreverlisa said...

#10 Boxed Wine

fanficzombie said...

@mox...are you friends with Robzinger on facebook? She just posted the pic yesterday (green pants for st paddys day

mmMoxie said...

OMG too much work to see an imaginary peen

Rikk_DD said...

boo! Okay 10 Charlie!!

17foreverlisa said...

FME! I finally decide to do a word and I did the wrong one. LMAO. Need more boxed wine...

TheRugbymom said...

LwE is tweeting about the new blog post - Edward Fired Annie Liebowitz!

17foreverlisa said...

#11 Boxed Wine

TheRugbymom said...

@TwiKiwi what number are we on?

TwiKiwi50 said...

@Lisa - too much boxed wine?

Haha. I had it down as #11 anyway.

Thx for the update re Jen et al.

TwiKiwi50 said...

We're up to #13 peeps!

Lindsay Rae said...

#13 G Spot

fanficzombie said...

Listening to song called Hopelessly Stoned...yup..that is working for me (cept it is all booze this day and age)

mmMoxie said...

what # are we on so I can comment five words later?

Rikki_DD said...

13 anus

17foreverlisa said...

What the hell Rugbymom. She has posted for a month or more and she's posting when it's time for DML? I'm going to have to talk to Edward about this ;)

@TK50 - Maybe. Robably.

mmMoxie said...

#14 dickie

fanficzombie said...

#14 hot pants

fanficzombie said...

@mox...all I can see is Randy Quaid in Christmas Vacation!!

TwiKiwi50 said...

@Lisa - LwE posted about 2 hours ago! Maybe Edward has tied her up... kinky...

TwiKiwi50 said...

We're up to #15 people! Going well!

mmMoxie said...

@FFZ LMAO!!!!!!

Lindsay Rae said...

I'm eating my homemade Creme de Menthe Chocolate Chip ice cream...that counts for DML, right? Shit is STRONG. Didn't even freeze completely cuz I'm a lil heavy handed :)

Lovelybrutal said...

16 or 17: plugging
and for Lindsay Rae: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6759504/1/FAP

Lindsay Rae said...

#15 Earth Wind and Fire's "September"

mmMoxie said...

#15 Anarchy in the UK

17foreverlisa said...

Yum! Wish you could pass some over here, LR!

17foreverlisa said...

Mox - LOLOL!!

Lindsay Rae said...

@Lisa only if I get some of your bag o' wine!!

mmMoxie said...

um. are we on #18 yet?

#18 chode

TheRugbymom said...

17 flick flicked flicking whatever works

fanficzombie said...

#16 sweating

Lindsay Rae said...

Um, just in case

#16 Shit shat shitting

TheRugbymom said...

as in "flicking my bean"

fanficzombie said...

#19 crusty

TwiKiwi50 said...

umm, right, we are on #18!

fanficzombie said...

#21 cod piece

Lindsay Rae said...

@Rugbymom I laugh every time someone uses that phrase..

fanficzombie said...

Mox already got 18..we are good

Rikki_DD said...

@ Rugbymom LMAO!!! "flickig my bean". Just lost some vodka as it came flying out of my mouth. Party foul on my part

17foreverlisa said...

17. topping

mmMoxie said...

I am hopelessly lost.

TwiKiwi50 said...

We need a #20 please people!

And don't forget #22 is already taken (Rathbulge)

17foreverlisa said...

Damn it. I waited and waited for 17. There should be a standing rule that it's mine. LMAO!

*pours LR a glass* Cheers!

TheRugbymom said...

you got 18 from mmmoxie!

Keep up woman! It's the middle of the afternoon for you! :p

fanficzombie said...

I think we are on 22 now...out of order but we are there

Lindsay Rae said...

I need a counter...what the fuck are we on? I think we need 20...

#20 Yearn.

fanficzombie said...

#20 topping

TwiKiwi50 said...

Shit, I'm sorry, i'm overwhelmed! I need #23 next.

And Lisa, #17 is yours. always.

fanficzombie said...

#22 apple pie

TheRugbymom said...

what's 21?

Lindsay Rae said...

#23 fuck

mmMoxie said...

#23 fornicate

fanficzombie said...

21 was cod piece

mmMoxie said...

#24 fishy

TwiKiwi50 said...

OKAY...

So, we're at #24 now. I'll try and keep reminding you!

:-)

Lindsay Rae said...

@RugbyMom #21 was fanficzombie's...Codpiece (excellent.)

Lovelybrutal said...

24 slippery

fanficzombie said...

#24 chaotic!!

fanficzombie said...

#25 masturbating

Lindsay Rae said...

#25 masturbating

TwiKiwi50 said...

I love you guys! And I'm not even drinking. You're cracking me up!

Lindsay Rae said...

@fanficzombie *HIGH FIVE*

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

#26 Hilton

TwiKiwi50 said...

@LindsayRae & @FFZ - hahahahaha!

LCM174EV said...

Hi

mmMoxie said...

#27 FUCK ME!

fanficzombie said...

@ LR great minds think alike!

or durty minds..whatever

TwiKiwi50 said...

Hi Lani & Kassie!

We're on #27 peeps!

Lindsay Rae said...

@FFZ it's all the same...

#28 ...plural adjective? Secondary?

17foreverlisa said...

Hanging in there TK50? Fun, isn't it? LOL!

I went pee and poured another glass of wine. What did I miss?

fanficzombie said...

@ mox -- total win on #27

Rikki_DD said...

27 Fuckity Fuck FUCK

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

Hi TK!!

Lindsay Rae said...

is secondary a plural adjective? Yes...but...

too.much.boooooze

LCM174EV said...

28: Gan Eagla

17foreverlisa said...

Hi, Lani and Kassie!

Lacey, did you leave already?

Mox, you are still the queen of one liners. Fuck I miss your sense of humor. Can't you blog one or month of something?

LCM174EV said...

never mind it doesnt work as a plural

mmMoxie said...

@Lisa - I do blog, just not about Twilight anymore.

mmMoxie said...

#29 double penetrate

Lovelybrutal said...

30 hornaaayyy!

TwiKiwi50 said...

Fuck. Neighbour popped in. Now I have no fucking idea where I'm up to.

Give me a sec...

Lindsay Rae said...

31 diaper

LCM174EV said...

32: Lets get it On

Lindsay Rae said...

@LCM I'm gonna be singing that song all night now!!

TwiKiwi50 said...

OK I fucked up #28. I'll fix that later.

We're up to #31. I think.

TwiKiwi50 said...

Make that #33.

fanficzombie said...

#32 Slow Ride Not super slow tempo but fitting I bet

Rikki_DD said...

31 vibrator

LCM174EV said...

Your Welcome Lindsay Rae

fanficzombie said...

We are all good...#34 needed now

17foreverlisa said...

Let's Get It On . . . perfect! Great song.

#31 Robsten

Lindsay Rae said...

#34 Sung.

Lindsay Rae said...

sang...whatever.

LCM174EV said...

34: boned

TwiKiwi50 said...

Need a #33 please :)

17foreverlisa said...

Holy Hale. I've had too much wine. Now I'm counting backwards. I give up.

So who here watched the MTV live stream?

I did and I still love the man-child. Hard. His laugh could solve world peace.

mmMoxie said...

#35 nasty

mmMoxie said...

#33 butt thrust

LCM174EV said...

36: shamrocked

Lindsay Rae said...

#36 Excrete

TwiKiwi50 said...

Lisa, don't give up now! We're nearly there! I promise!

Still don't have a 33...

17foreverlisa said...

Mox, do you blog on your other blog and I'm just not seeing it in my feed?

TwiKiwi50 said...

Oh fuck. I almost give up myself.

mmMoxie said...

@TK - I did #33

@ Lisa - Yep, sure do

Lindsay Rae said...

aww, no giving up! so close!

#33 Fly

TwiKiwi50 said...

#37 please

Lovelybrutal said...

#40. clitoral. tee hee hee!

mmMoxie said...

Does TK see my comments? I know I'm lagging but sheesh.

TheRugbymom said...

37 taint!

Lindsay Rae said...

#37 mons pubis

Lindsay Rae said...

#38 ...goin on a limb here...


leprechaun?

TwiKiwi50 said...

@Mox - Yeah I do, I just don't see them until after I comment. #fail.

mmMoxie said...

@TK - oh good. I was about the punt my computer.

Rikki_DD said...

38 Michael Flatley Lord of the Dance

mmMoxie said...

LOL Rikki - he is such a tool

TheRugbymom said...

@Lindsay Rae - gee! You're really paying attention! Good call!

TwiKiwi50 said...

@Mox - punt, as in, C*nt punch? buahaha

Lindsay Rae said...

#39 Pot of Gold

mmMoxie said...

@TK absofreakinglutely

LCM174EV said...

39: Blarney Stone

TwiKiwi50 said...

Two more, peeps. Who's got #41?

Lindsay Rae said...

@Mox, I'm about to die from the cuteness of your pupper dog.

Lindsay Rae said...

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner

Lindsay Rae said...

I went there. Oh yes I did.

TheRugbymom said...

42 Uranus

LCM174EV said...

I am going to jump ahead, cause lets face it we all would say it

42: URANUS

TwiKiwi50 said...

Fuck. I had a feeling someone was going to. Oh well!

Rikki_DD said...

@ Lindsay You beat me to it!

Lindsay Rae said...

FIN! Woo Hoo! Can't wait to read this one, TK50!!

mmMoxie said...

@LR - thanks. He died last November.

Do I know how to kill the mood or what?

TwiKiwi50 said...

OK ladies, thanks for playing. Let me take a few minutes (hours) to sort this hot mess out. I'll tweet ya soon.....

Lindsay Rae said...

@Mox, well damn. i'm sorry. I shall drink a shot in his honor.

Rikki_DD said...

This will be interesting...*sits in anticipation*

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