St. Patrick's Day Shenanigans

Hi! Thank you for being here and for coping with the delay - the stupid MTV Australia "live" feed was actually delayed an hour. Anyway, I figured you all need to calm down and resume breathing fill in time before you watch Leno (not jealous or anything) so I hope we haven't gone too late for y'all.


For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m Amy from TwiKiwi. After the Borderline Phenomenal girls did such a wonderful job guest hosting a few weeks back I raised my hand and the gorgeous Lisa sacrificed her spot in the DML schedule for me!

I’ve only discovered this week that ‘Mad Libs’ is a game played in America. Here was I crediting you guys for making this whole thing up all along! You learn something every day. Suffice it to say, I’m new at this, go easy... erm... whatever. I’m also never that great at the whole what’s a verb, what’s a noun thing, so I’ve made loads of these clues a little more specific. We’ll see how it goes!

Hope you’ve got a full glass in your hand...

Thanks to Lani for the great pic!

I have three rules:
Keep it DURTY at all times (Rob likes it that way)
Keep it as IRISH as possible
Have a f*cking awesome time!

Here goes nothin!

  

1.     Item of clothing

2.     Term of endearment

3.     Body part (male)

4.     Noun

5.     Vehicle

6.     Noun

7.     Exclamation

8.     Exclamation

9.     Adjective

10.   Male Twilight character (not a Cullen)

11.   Beverage

12.   Cocktail

13.   Body part (female)

14.   Item of clothing

15.   Song title (fast tempo)

16.   Verb

17.   Verb

18.   Body part (male)

19.   Adjective

20.   Verb

21.   Item of clothing

22.   Noun

23.   Verb

24.   Adjective

25.   Verb (ending in ing)

26.   Name of a hotel

27.   Exclamation

28.   Adjective (plural)

29.   Verb

30.   Feeling

31.   Noun

32.   Song title (slow tempo)

33.   Verb

34.   Verb (past tense)

35.   Adjective

36.   Verb

37.   Body part (female)

38.   Small folklore character ;-)

39.   Noun

40.   Adjective

41.   Title of a Twilight book

42.   Name of a planet

 

St Patrick’s Day Dancing Fun! – Fan Fiction style

Bella and the girls were imbibing in a few pre-match beverages as they primped and preened, banana hammocks strewn all over the bedroom as they were more focussed on getting their drink on than getting ready to go to the St Patrick’s Day party downtown.

“Come on, cunt flaps, Em’s waiting for me and the sooner we get this show on the road, the sooner I can get me some of his hairy balls” Rose practically barked at Bella and Alice.

“Hold your horses, Rose. Good things take time, and I want to look my best for when I see Jazz” Bella rolled her eyes at Alice’s comment and continued to put on her jizz receptacle.

When they were finally out the door they piled into the flying saucer, finally on their way to meet their boys. Bella realised that perhaps the chance of her seeing Edward using his dagger to it’s full potential were reasonably high tonight. As the girls entered the bar, Edward, Emmett and Jasper took one look at their women.

“Motherfuckingmonkeyfuckers!” exclaimed Edward. “Bella, where did you get that outfit? You look asshat! wow!”

“Umm, thanks, I think.” Bella mumbled, awkward and stretchy as ever.

Charlie the waiter brought over a tray of drinks to the party of six. “Three clamatoes for the gentlemen, and for you ladies, three panty droppers.”

“Wow, ladies, you’re high rollin tonight!” Jazz exclaimed as the girls sipped their delicious cocktails.

“You know it, Big Boy” oozed Alice as she put her g-spot down his hotpants, causing him to jump a little and turn a brilliant shade of red.

The DJ switched up the sounds and suddenly Anarchy in the UK came on. “OMG OMG OMG! We have to dance, girls!” Bella was literally plugging with excitement. The three girls ran to the dancefloor and started bumping and topping to the beat. Emmett, Jasper and Edward had their choads glued to the girls.

“Yo, we are in for a very crusty evening my brothers!” Emmett muttered.

As the song changed to a slower beat, Bella yearned seductively towards Edward, slowly beckoning for him to join her on the dancefloor. From where he sat, he could see the top of her codpiece, and wondered what else she had in store for him when they got back to his place. He joined her, holding her close. He could feel her rathbulge and wondered if tonight was the night he would finally get to pop her cherry.

Suddenly, the spotlights focused on the bar, upon which appeared a short, greying man wearing a green shirt which proclaimed ‘Fuck me! I’m Irish!.’ He waited until the elaborate drumroll finished before making his announcement. “Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Carlisle’s tavern of Chaos, where every year on March 17^th we celebrate all that is Irish with an evening of drinking, masturbating and debauchery. It is my great pleasure to conduct the annual St Patrick’s Day dance competition. The winning couple, judged by myself, will win a luxurious evening for two in the honeymoon suite at the Hilton, Washington’s finest, this very evening”.

Bella, Alice and Rosalie let out a collective ‘Fuckity fuckity fuck!’, practically deafening their lovers. Immediately, all three men were coerced into participating in the competition, although not as reluctant now that they knew an evening with their lovers in a five star hotel was up for grabs.

The competition was to consist of two dances, a slow dance, followed by one with a faster beat. The slow dance would be the easiest, Edward reckoned, because at least he could double penetrate Bella close to him and sway from side to side. The faster beat though, made him all hornaaayyy inside. He could feel his diaper fill with butterflies, so much was riding on this.

The couples stood nervously as the faster beat segued into Let’s Get it On, nice and sloooow. Bella looked around to Alice and Rose, who were both butt-thrusting at their beaus. She glanced at Edward, who looked boned. ‘Oh well,’ she thought to herself, ‘here goes nothing.’

She launched into her nasty routine with Edward, swinging him around and leading him as they swirled around the floor. She whispered in his ear: “Hey Edward... win this for me and tonight, in the hotel room, I will let you shamrock my taint”. His eyes widened, task suddenly focussed. With the amount of sexual tension in the air, the song seemed to last forever.

Finally, Michael Flately, Lord of the Dance, resumed his position to announce the winner. “Ladies and gentlemen, this was the closest year yet. Firstly, a ‘Highly Commended’ goes to this Amazonian Goddess and her Homecoming King over here” –  he gestured to Rose & Emmett.

“In all fairness, love, you were amazing. Your boyfriend seems to have the Blarney Stone in his shoes though. Next, in second place, we have this enthusiastic Irish Pixie over here and her Clitoral Cowboy.” Alice ‘squee’d with excitement, having heard the second prize was dinner for two at The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a swanky restaurant.

“And now, we can announce the winners!” Bella and Edward were momentarily blinded as a large spotlight shone directly on them. “Oh My God, Edward! We did it!” The announcer’s voice was completely eclipsed by Bella’s squeals of delight. Edward had a smile that could be seen from Uranus as the realisation of what this meant dawned on him.

“Come on love, we’ve got somewhere we need to be!”

And with that, he whisked her outside and into a waiting limosine.

Thanks for playing! Here are some pics from my trip to Ireland in 2005. Amy xx